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“Cashmere Mafia” Recaps: Episode 1.4 “The Deciders”

Previously on – Last week, Zoe watched on in disgust as a blond bizbo in her office slept her way to the middle. Juliet used one of the Osmond Brothers for her let’s-not-and-say-we-did revenge sex scheme to get back at Davis. Mia realized just how very sour her ex-fiancé’s grapes are. Caitlin learned what it’s like to be the target of gossip just because she eats noodles in a canoe with a lady.

Annihilation chamber – Zoe and Eric are in the playground, planning their son’s laser tag birthday party. Or, more accurately, Zoe is running about, showing Eric the setup she envisions, complete with an artillery wall, recharging stations and an annihilation chamber, while he looks on passively. This is a dude who knows when to get out of the way.

Zoe’s not sure if an annihilation chamber is going to be too expensive. I don’t even know what that is, but if you can afford those shoes, surely you can splurge and give young Luke the party he so richly deserves. Zoe is determined this party not be a repeat of last year’s, in which she ruined her son’s birthday by doing something so heinous that she and Eric don’t say it aloud. But the implication is clear, and we’re left to assume it had something to do with a Blackberry, a Bluetooth and a bar graph.

Eric tells Zoe not to worry and assures her that she is, in fact, Supermom. Faster than a speeding deadline, more powerful than a loco client, able to overcompensate with a single platinum Amex.

As usual, Zoe’s phone starts ringing and she rushes off to the office, leaving Eric to ponder what an “artillery wall” is and how to make one out of monkey bars.

Watch your back – When Zoe arrives at the office, she finds that Katherine, the bizbo bane of her existence, has Zoe’s client in the conference room. The client is yet another flip-flop-wearing dotcom millionaire dude with an impressive Halo 3 high score and no socks.

Zoe takes Katherine out into the hallway for a friendly smack-down and reminder about who’s the boss.

Katherine: Zoe, Clayton promoted me because he has confidence in my abilities. He keeps telling me to take more initiative. Zoe: Yeah, and we’re all very appreciative of your abilities. But Clayton isn’t handling this deal, I am. Which means that – Katherine: That you’re pulling rank. Zoe: That I’m responsible for everything that happens on this deal. Which means I lead, you follow. And you don’t make a move without clearing it with me first. Katherine: OK, I hear you and I get it. I’m really sorry. Would it be OK with you if I peed before heading back into the conference room?
Oh, Katherine. No one has confidence in any of your abilities except the one that involves being limber and open-minded.

Mama Mia – Over in Mia’s publishing empire, the Queen of All Media is working diligently while wearing only the finest imperial embroidered silk. Suddenly, a voice calls from the doorway, “Mimi …” And in walks Mama Mia herself, with Mr. Mia in tow.

Mia’s mom is a spitfire carrying a designer handbag, rattling off the five things she’s accomplished before breakfast, and – assuming Mia can stop whatever she’s doing because mama’s in the house – just walks right on in. Mia’s dad, a mild-mannered, smiling fellow in a wool sweater who doesn’t get a vote on anything, toddles in too, just happy as a clam to be there.

Lesbians and gentlemen, may I present: my parents. Why is Mia’s family all Asian, but her last name is Mason? That’s a “previously on” I must have missed.

Mia is happy to see mommy and daddy because she’s momentarily forgotten what a mortifying experience having your parents visit your office can be. Nothing undermines your authority like having your staff hear your mother scold you for wearing a wrinkled shirt. Trust me.

Mama Mia’s eagle eyes scan the surroundings while educated, polished, accomplished Mia shows off her office like it’s the Best. Macaroni. Art. Ever. “It’s very big,” Mama says as she looks around the room. “Do you share it with anyone else?” Clueless or cutting? With mothers, you never know.

Mia explains to her parents that she is the Publisher. The Big Kahuna. The Shizzle. She doesn’t have to share anything. Just then, Wendy, one of Mia’s many minions, rushes in and announces, “We’ve got big problems with Katie’s nipples.”

Mia hastily introduces her parents to Wendy, the editor of the aptly named Havoc.

Wendy: They weren’t airbrushed out. Did you approve that? Mia: No, I am The Publisher. I don’t deal with, uh, nipples.
Memo to Mia: You could if you wanted to.

Mia helps Wendy find the door, even as Wendy continues to talk.

Wendy: We need to send Katie something now. You have to authorize the expenditure; at least 20 grand … Mia: [apologetically to the ‘rents] She’s very energetic. Dad: Welcome to my world.
Heh. Dad gets a zinger in every now and then.

Mama Mia reveals the real purpose of their drop-in. Mom never liked Jack – he wasn’t good enough or smart enough – and so she’s found someone new and improved: Jason Chun, son of a friend, doctor, single, handsome (according to his mother), and he wants to meet for coffee today. Is there time to leave the country?

Mia says if she has coffee with Jason, her mother is prohibited from setting her up on other blind dates for a period of one year. Did we mention Mia went to business school?

C’est bon – While Mia tries in vain to convince her mother that she’s genuinely happy with her life, Juliet is in her office meeting with a boutique hotelier named Gerard who has a suspiciously fake French accent. Juliet is trying to broker a deal to buy Gerard’s properties and discusses the new language in the contract.

Gerard tells Juliet he does not like words. He thinks in colors and music and the language of textures. Ah, the French. That’s all fine, as long as you don’t care that your economy’s in the cuvette des W.C.

They both admit to each other that they’re pain-in-the-ass perfectionists and call it a day. As Gerard leaves, slimy Davis eases on into Juliet’s office and dismissively calls Gerard “Pepé Le Pew,” even though it’s Davis who’s the stinker who can’t keep his hands off the pussies.

An old power couple – Davis drags Juliet outside to show her what he bought her that very morning: a brand new Aston Martin convertible, or as I like to call it, 200,000 dollars’ worth of sorry. The Ice Queen’s frosty façade starts to melt as she stands next to the luxuriant warmth of a 380 horsepower, all-alloy engine, and nestles her pampered buttocks into the finest leather seats ever hand-stitched by British tailors. Davis tells Juliet that he wants to take her to some far-off restaurants, and further, wouldn’t it be kicky to be in one of those “New York Power Couple” spreads in one of Mia’s magazines?

Juliet balks because she likes to enjoy her rarified lifestyle in private, thank you very much. She finds a traffic ticket in the visor of her new gift.

Juliet: Davis, you already got a ticket? [examining the ticket] And what were you doing in Southampton? Davis: I had to see this investor, Charles Nadler. A big shot, pain in the ass; wouldn’t drive into the city. But the guy’s connected, so I … Juliet: I thought you just picked the car up this morning? Davis: No, I got the car detailed this morning. Juliet: It came from the factory dirty? Davis: No, it got dirty driving back from the Hamptons, and I wanted it to be perfect when I gave it to you. OK?
Am I the only one who smells something?

Juliet’s nose is full of new-car smell and nothing else. Further, her gut and her brain are not on speaking terms these days. She smiles and thanks Davis for the awesome car.

A possible power couple – Later that day, Mia obliges her mother, if only to enact the one-year cease-and-desist on setups, and goes to meet Jason for coffee.

Jason turns out to be tall, relatively handsome, well-dressed and not at all the nerdy science geek Mia was expecting. And he has a full head of hair, which for straight women over a certain age is a priority we never have to deal with, thank goodness. They make small talk about brain surgery and running magazines until both their cell phones go off within seconds of each other. Jason assures someone on his line that the patient is totally cancer-free, while Mia is still denying authorization for a lavish apology gift to the exposed celebrity known only as “Katie.”

As their conversations overlap, Mia finally blurts out, “They’re just nipples!” She won that one.

Flip-flop – Back at Zoe’s, she hands Flip-flop Boy a gift: a pair of shoes and black socks. The whole Silicon Valley thing is cute, but bankers don’t want to look at your toes, dude. Katherine trails along, trying unsuccessfully to be relevant.

Flip-flop laughs at Zoe’s silly, growny-up shoe gesture while Katherine scoffs. Meanwhile, Mia’s coffee date has de-evolved into a contest for who has the best New York City battle scars. Mia shows off one on her calf from a bike messenger, but Jason has a scar on his shin from one of the most vicious animals in the concrete jungle: a woman with a baby stroller. “They use them like battering rams,” he says.

There’s nothing anyone can say to top that truth, so they decide to end their meet on a high note. Mia moves in to give Jason a hug but is awkwardly thwarted by his arm, which he levels out in front of her for a handshake. Maybe he was put off by that dead ocelot around her neck? Drinks with the girls – After work in the bar in Juliet’s hotel, the girls order up martinis and discuss their day. Mia regales them with the tale of Jason’s handshake, and everyone assures her he meant to give a hug but was probably distracted by thoughts of brain surgery and buying shin guards.

Juliet floats the idea of her and her dream of a husband being the featured Power Couple in one of Mia’s rags. Zoe asks what everyone else is thinking: Is now the time to be playing up the façade of a happy, powerful couple?

“Why not move forward and do something bold and positive?” Juliet asks.

You know what that would be? It’s called D-I-V-orce.

“I sure as hell don’t want to end up like one of those angry, drunken WASPs in an Edward Albee play,” Martha Juliet adds as she takes a swig of gin.

Zoe says that things could be worse; in another Albee work, the man falls not for another woman, but for a goat, as if that’s any kind of consolation. At least goats don’t spread gossip via the internet. Their not being able to type might have something to do with it. Changing the subject, Zoe tells Caitlin her son wants her to play laser tag with him at his birthday party. Caitlin’s clearly the fun one out of mommy’s friends. Caitlin can’t go, though, because she’s going to a lesbian bridal shower with Alicia. Give me laser tag any day.

Unfamiliar as they are with the lesbian way of doing everything and anything together, the girls are intrigued.

Juliet: I just didn’t know that you would take a date to a bridal shower. Caitlin: Well, it’s sort of a date-slash-meet-my-friends combo. Zoe: “Meet my friends?” That sounds serious. Caitlin: Well, it’s definitely significant. [smiles] I actually like making out with her. Mia: Being gay agrees with you.
Yes, it does. Unlike that necklace made of Kryptonite. Or lime Jell-O.
Caitlin: I know. It’s been almost a month! Twice as long as the last five guys and 29 days longer than Tae Bo, cognitive therapy and Carb Busters.
Almost a month has gone by, and all Caitlin and Alicia have done is hold hands and make out once a week. That is not called being gay. That’s called being 12.

Now, I am all for making out on dance floors and street corners, but when are they going to “move forward and do something bold and positive” with each other? I think poor Alicia is starting to feel like Bobby Blueballs.

As the girls jealously mock Caitlin’s pseudo-relationship and all its great girl-on-girl, er, communication, in walks Mr. Communication himself, Mia’s ex, Jack, with a date on his arm.

Mia spins around and gives them a polite greeting, congratulates Jack on his new, lesser (heh) job and tells his date she recognizes her from cable, reading the news. Which is very different from calling her a journalist. Mia is a sly one. Jack mentions an upcoming brunch they’re both invited to, and Mia bravely smiles and says, “See ya there!”

As soon as they’re gone, Mia announces she’s not going to the party if Jack is going to be there. The girls insist she call the “handshaking brain surgeon” because nothing says “I’m over you” like being squired by a handsome doctor who doesn’t look like a smarmy, male version of Madam, the puppet. Mia balks until Caitlin puts it succinctly: “Do you want to go to that party alone, while that talking head of a slut throws you shade? I don’t think so.” Brooklyn in da house.

Suspicious minds – At Juliet’s pad, daughter Emily opts out of the self-serving photo shoot for “Juliet and Davis, the Happiest Straight Couple on Earth” to go to a Justin Timberlake concert. Can I come with you?

Juliet bursts in on Davis as he’s taking a shower and finds him not doing naughty things with the soap, but talking privately on his cell phone. Suspicion becoming her second nature, she grills Davis about phone call—water running timeline, but as always, Davis has an answer for everything and blames his mysterious investor, Charles Nadler.

Juliet jots down the phone number on his cell while Davis washes off the day’s dirty dealings.

Caller ID – The next day, Juliet visits Mia for sushi lunch in her office, where she admits she tried calling the phone number but keeps getting a generic voice mailbox in the Hamptons. Juliet worries they can’t rebuild their relationship if she’s paranoid all the time.

Juliet also starts to wonder if the pretentious photo shoot is such a good idea after all, because her caption is going to read, “Dashing Davis Draper and his powerful yet suspicious wife, Juliet.” That’s right, honey. It’s all your fault.

Instead of suggesting a caption that reads, “Elegant, successful Juliet Draper and her rat husband, Davis,” Mia merely reminds her, “I can cancel it at any time.” Ah, power.

Juliet fiddles with her Blackberry, complaining about her high-maintenance kook of a client who thinks in music and textures, Gerard Le Pew. Just then, what little color she has in her face drains right out through the soles of her feet. She’s just sent a “reply all” email to everyone in her company, including Le Pew, that says: “Ignore Gerard, he’s a pompous little bastard.”

Reply all. The scourge of humanity.

Juliet declares, “I’m never multi-tasking again.” Sure. She runs out to do damage control, reminding Mia to call the handshaking surgeon as she flies out the door. Can I have your tuna roll?

A series of unfortunate events – Over at the offices of Skirtchaser, Backstab and Gross, Katherine the Grate tells Zoe that the big meeting with Flip-flop and the bankers has been changed to Sunday, the day of her son’s super-spectacular birthday party. Zoe is livid.

Big cartoon-head Clayton tells Zoe that the meeting is going forward without her, but not to worry. Katherine, having watched Zoe work, can handle things for her.

Zoe counters that she’s a managing director and Katherine has been out of school for a whole year. Clayton stands there staring at Zoe but doesn’t hear her, because he’s having conflicting thoughts about Katherine’s boobs and lawsuits.

At that exact moment, dear, sweet, misunderstood Davis calls Juliet to cancel their romantic dinner for two. Or is it three: Juliet, Davis and his id? He tells her he has to work late with his mysterious benefactor, Charles “Magwitch” Nadler. Again. And plays to her sympathies by claiming he’ll be stuck eating deli food or “starving.” Aw. This guy raises emotional manipulation to an art form.

Suspicions aroused once again, Juliet tries doing a reverse internet search on Nadler’s cell phone number. Nothing. Then, Zoe calls to report that her own computer sleuthing confirms the digits belong to one Charles Nadler of Southampton, New York. Zoe is scary efficient.

Juliet breaths a sigh of relief – her first in months. As Juliet basks in the glow of her awesome, perfect marriage, Gerard Le Pew comes bursting into her office like he’s storming the Bastille. He demands the freedom to be a “pompous little bastard.”

Juliet: Gerard, I am so sorry … Gerard: First, I am anything but little.
Snort. Men.
Juliet: That was an unfortunate outburst in a heated moment. It was just … words. But, it was unprofessional. So, if you feel you need to withdraw from this deal because I hurt your feelings, I understand. Gerard: What? You don’t think I’ve been called a bastard by a beautiful woman before? What I don’t want is you calling me that behind my back. I’d rather you say that to my face. Juliet: Gerard, if I think you’re being a bastard again, I’ll tell you. You have my word.
Gerard reminds Juliet a business deal is exactly like a marriage. Hey pal, in America, we close the deal with a handshake.

Gerard says there must be trust and communication between both parties. Juliet nods as if he’s just given her the secret to true happiness. Otherwise, what do you have? Uh, Davis?

Juliet and Gerard agree to a clean slate, starting demain.

Meanwhile, I think Gerard is a great a match for Juliet. As opposed to Davis, who’s a spineless, conniving man-whore.

With a renewed faith in mankind, Juliet calls a chef’s number she appears to know by heart, and asks for something decadent and fast. I’m pretty sure Katherine has plans tonight, so Juliet will have to settle for food.

The last straw – Juliet exits her town car in front of Davis’ office with a giant covered basket in her arms. Either she’s got Romulus and Remus in there, or it’s a lavish gourmet dinner for two.

As she approaches the revolving doors, she sees Davis coming out of the building. And what’s this? Cilla Grey is right behind him. Any steak knives in that basket by any chance? Juliet shoves the basket at Cilla and storms off down the street. Davis chases after her and admits the reason for all the secrecy: He screwed up his hedge fund so badly, he had to go to Cilla for money.

Then, he lets slip that he’s dipped into their personal savings. And by the way, the Aston Martin was just for show, and not so much for the romantic getaway he might have implied. Just how many betrayals does he think Juliet can beat back with her mental mallet of denial?

The only thing Davis hasn’t done to this woman is tell her he’s on the down low. Then again, this is only Episode 4.

The truth – The next day, still exhausted from playing emotional Whac-a-Mole the night before, Juliet gets another recon report from Zoe, her own personal Sherlock Holmes. Zoe confirms that Davis’ hedge fund is in huge trouble and his investors are going to take a hard hit. On the bright side, Société Générale is hiring.

Juliet weighs her options while Zoe gives her a long, long overdue reality check.

Juliet: In his own, messed up way, he was trying to protect me.
Oh. My. Gad. Someone shoot me.
Zoe: Just like he was trying to protect you from the affairs? Juliet: It’s all so black and white for you, isn’t it? Zoe: I’m not saying it’s easy. You need to do what’s right for you. Juliet: I need to do what’s right for my marriage.
And therein lies the problem when otherwise highly intelligent women like Juliet get with ethically bankrupt twerps like Davis. Marriage is a mere facet of his life. Her life is a mere facet of a marriage.

As a business school graduate, Juliet should know when to initiate a strategic layoff.

More reality – Hey now. We’re 25 minutes into the show and Caitlin and Alicia finally show up. Hooray. The “couple” – and until one of them leaves the other’s apartment at 5 in the morning with her bra in her purse, I use the term loosely – are at Alicia’s friend’s bridal shower, listening to everyone talking giddily about weddings and babies.

Note to the writers: Lesbians do not talk about weddings and babies with that kind of exuberant reverence and frequency. You are thinking of straight women. Thank you. As Alicia listens fondly, her friends tell Caitlin that Alicia is so into the bridal thing, she practically takes notes at showers. Caitlin says honestly she’s never even thought about it. The only showers in Caitlin’s life involve hot water, a loofah and $30 shampoo. And when she’s lonely, a shower massage head. Alicia adds that the happy couple sitting across from them are getting geared up for the insemination process. Caitlin says knowingly, “It’s no big deal,” not realizing they mean artificial insemination.

As soon as the two mommies-to-be ask where Alicia and Caitlin plan on getting their sperms when the time is right, Caitlin has a small freak-out and leaves the table.

At the unisex bathroom, Caitlin runs into a man who failed to lock the door, and Caitlin immediately spazzes out.

Caitlin: Oh, God, sorry. Man: No, no, it’s OK. You’re cool. Everything’s all put away. Caitlin: I didn’t mean like that. It’s not like I haven’t seen them before. I mean not like a ton … sorry. [checks her hair in the mirror] Man: Relax. You look beautiful. Caitlin: I get a spray-on tan.
Caitlin smiles and closes the door behind her after he leaves.

What was that about? Other than a network backpedaling, I mean. Please don’t do it. We’re begging you.

In spite of their mothers – Mia and Jason stroll through SoHo on their way to the brunch she was dreading because Jack and his cable news talking head are going to be there.

Jason is stoked to be going because he read an article about the host, a famous, intrepid reporter named Caleb Doesntmatter. Mia brags a little that she published that piece and then calls Jason out for not calling her first.

Dr. Handshake admits he probably would not have called her again because he doesn’t usually “go for Chinese,” mostly to spite his mother. Mia acts appalled until she admits that the last time she dated an Asian guy, she had braces and a band uniform.

Mia does feel relieved, somehow, that it’s her race and not her personality that’s off-putting. Uh, yay?

Mia lets Jason in on her plan to make Jack feel like a speck. Flattered that he’s the trophy boy of the week, Jason agrees to be dazzling, charming and “brain surgeon-esque” at the brunch.

The moment they get inside, Mia and Jason are like a well-oiled love machine. They smoothly latch onto each other and act as if they’ve been together for months. Mia tells Jack the only thing she doesn’t like about “Jay” is his modesty, while Jason says he read about Mia’s promotion and wow, he just had to meet her.

Over smoked apple sausage, Caleb regales his guests with a story about a recent expedition in which he was set upon by bullet ants.

Jason: I wish you woulda brought some back. Jack: [condescendingly] You have an ant farm? Jason: We’ve been discovering medicinal purposes from all kinds of animal venom. Doing this trial right now for brain stem glioma treatment using scorpion venom. Mia: And it’s looking very promising, isn’t it babe? Jason: Yes, sweetheart. Very hopeful. [kisses her]
Jack sits there looking like he’s swallowed his tongue as he watches Mia and Jason’s sugar bear show. It’s not really Jack’s fault that he’s out of his league. Perhaps he can find a nice game show hostess to make him feel smart and the envy of all his friends.

Uh oh – Alicia’s afternoon isn’t going as well for her. Her date is at the bar, talking to Sam, Sam, the Bathroom Man. Just another guy hitting on a girl, dismissing the fact that she’s gay. Problem is, Caitlin’s not minding it at all.

Caitlin: You do realize that that’s a lesbian bridal shower? Sam: No, no idea. Is that why all those pretty girls are kissing each other? Caitlin: So you intentionally hit on gay women? Sam: Just the lipsticks. Caitlin: How’s that working out for you? Sam: Depends on your answer.
Caitlin studies his face, reaches into her purse, pulls out her business card, slaps it on the bar and runs back to her table. I guess there’s no chance he’s a lesbian-identified man named Lisa, huh?

I am sad. At the same time, I hope this steps up Alicia’s molasses-ass game. Because honestly, it’s been a month. Stop asking Caitlin if she’s ready or wants to back out and jump her already!

After brunch, Jason and Mia decide Asians aren’t so terrible after all and agree it wouldn’t kill them to get together again. He tells her specifically he’s going to call her, tomorrow. In the morning. At 9 o’clock. Scientists are so exacting. Sheesh.

Tag, you’re it – It’s Sunday, and Sunday is Funday for Zoe’s son, the birthday boy. Zoe and Eric are dressed to play laser tag in the park: she as a German performance artist and he as a member of the ’80s group Loverboy. Right in the middle of zapping little boys with her death ray gun, Zoe’s cell phone goes off. It’s Katherine, drowning in the meeting with Zoe’s client. Katherine would like Zoe to explain the debt structure for everyone because her Power Point presentation, although pretty and colorful, with very few typos, sucked.

Zoe: If Dan Brooks wanted me to clarify, he shouldn’t have insisted on moving the meeting to a day I couldn’t be there. Katherine: Zoe, listen – Zoe: No, you listen. This is my son’s birthday. I’m not about to waste this precious time hand-holding you or Dan Brooks through this deal. I am just a little busy playing laser tag. Katherine: You’re on speaker! Zoe: Uh, hi! Dan Brooks: Zoe, Dan Brooks. I’m a bit confused, seeing as it was your side that asked us to change the meeting. I sure as hell didn’t want to be here on a Sunday. Zoe: What?!?
Katherine’s true nature is revealed, and yet Clayton continues to stare at her cleavage.

To help explain the debt structure question as only she can, Zoe references a past deal to Dan. He knows exactly what she means and calms down. Clayton and Katherine start tap dancing while covering each others’ asses, which is no small feat. Speaking of feet, Dan Brooks takes one last look at Flip-flop and tells him to take some of the $200 million and go buy some effing shoes.

Zoe has a few parting words for Clayton and says, “I will do whatever I need to defend myself, even if it means calling your wife.” Clayton’s big Gumby head nods.

The power of one – Over at Juliet’s home, an art director, a photographer, production crew and a car that costs as much as some houses are all on hand to make the Drapers look smashing, powerful and oh so rich. After a few shots, the crew begins resetting for a new angle. They load the backseat with really nice, pricey luggage as props.

Juliet asks quietly: If six months from now the fund problems had gone away, would Davis ever have told her about Cilla Grey? It’s Baccarat crystal clear the answer is no. Davis moves toward the car to continue with the photo shoot as if nothing’s wrong, but Juliet doesn’t want to play anymore.

Juliet: I’m just tired from all the posing we’ve been doing. Davis: Well, just sit, we can take a few … Juliet: Of course, we’ve been posing for years and it never bothered me. Davis: Please, just get in the car. Juliet: Davis, the bags behind you aren’t props. I filled them with your clothes this afternoon. Davis: Why? Juliet: To take with you to the hotel where you’ll be staying, once you drive away from here.
Juliet is finally done once and for all. True to form to the end, Davis blurts out, “How can you do this to me?”

Gee. Let’s see. He lied to her, betrayed her, took their money, humiliated her and broke her heart. That Juliet: what a bitch.

Caitlin gets a call – Caitlin makes an appearance at Luke’s birthday party after the bridal/baby/commitment/adoption/you’re-in-my-will-now shower. As she chats with Zoe, her cell phone rings; it’s Sam, Sam, the Bathroom Man. He affectionately calls her “Spray-on.” She tells him she can’t talk now and hangs up, but not before leaving everyone with the distinct impression she will happily call him later.

Caitlin admits she gave her number to a strange guy she met in the bathroom while out with Alicia.

Zoe: Guy? Caitlin: No, not like that. Just some guy, we … I met at the shower. I guess. He wasn’t really at the shower. He was cute. He’s not really cute. I don’t know why I gave him my number. I probably shouldn’t have done that. Zoe, I am the Worst. Lesbian. Ever. Zoe: You need cake.
Caitlin’s stammering is almost cute. I guess. Not really cute. I don’t know why I said that. I probably shouldn’t have said that. I need a drink.

Closure – Later that night, Juliet roams her ginormous apartment alone, the whiff of man-smell growing fainter with each passing hour. Zoe massages her Supermom muscles after a successful afternoon of laser tag and showing the client what a real Wonder Woman is like.

Caitlin is somewhere, staring at her phone, unable to decide which number she wants to call.

And Mia is walking home, almost to her door now, when she sees Jack coming her way. “Jack, what are you doing here?” she asks softly.

He says he messed up. He’s a jerk. It “sucked” seeing her with Dr. Feelgood. And stuff. It’s all so confusing. Mia looks at him, unmoved.

Mia: What do you want? Jack: I don’t know. I’m trying to still figuring it out. Mia: Well, I do. I want to move on with my life.
Jack stands with his hands in his pockets as Mia goes inside. Finally, he walks away. Someone warn the goats.

Next time on Cashmere Mafia: Caitlin fools around with Bathroom Man. Zoe hires a manny, and Mia taps that action. Davis takes Juliet’s money and runs.

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