“Cashmere Mafia” Recaps: Episode 1.3 “Dangerous Liaisons”


Bobby booty call — Elsewhere in midtown, Juliet is leaving her office to pick up her Ice Queen cape from the dry cleaners. Bobby leaps out of his limo and calls her name, but she can’t hear him.

He grabs her and spins her around, giving her a surprise kiss.

Memo to Bobby: You do not grab a woman from behind in New York City. Not unless you want a swift knee in your crotch and a snoot full of mace.

Juliet wasn’t expecting to see Bobby for weeks, but he has the resources, the motivation and the passport to whisk himself anywhere he wants to be. And he’s checked himself into the hotel that Juliet runs, so she can come and go without question. It’s perfect. Juliet smiles nervously, already showing signs of doubt on her alabaster face.

Bean town boogie — Up in Boston, Zoe and Clayton are at dinner, trying to talk like grown-ups with two college dudes-cum-internet millionaires. The dudes are bored and thinking about playing Guitar Hero until Katherine comes flouncing in, apologizing for looking like a “total mess.”

Dudes 1 and 2 take one look at her flowy dress, tousled Jessica Simpson hair and perky boobies and start acting like two cartoon hayseeds, their eyeballs hanging out of their heads on springs. Aah-OOO-gah! I should stop expecting anything nuanced from network television.

Jumping right in, Katherine offers to give up some of the company’s commission. Dudes are tweaked. “A point?” Dude 1 ventures.

Backed into a corner, thanks to Mrs. Trump, Clayton asks if that will seal the deal. Instantly, the dudes high-five each other and bump fists all around. They leave the table to call other dudes with the good news.

Later, in her hotel room, Zoe is web-camming with Eric, telling him what she thinks of Katherine’s negotiating skillz.

Zoe: I hate what she’s good at.

Eric: Which is?

Zoe: I mean the rack, the bod, the whole blond man-trap thing …

Eric: Man trap?

Zoe: [laughs] Yeah, my mom used to say that. I mean, she’s like Business Barbie.

Business Barbie comes with a tiny plastic Crackberry, a tiny plastic laptop and a vague sense of guilt for not having tiny plastic children.

Zoe logs off because room service is knocking. From her open door, she spies Clayton and Katherine giggling in the hallway, about to enter his room.

Little does Business Barbie know, but Business Ken has no genitals.

An inconvenient woman — At breakfast the next morning, Zoe gives Katherine some unsolicited advice that falls on pretty — and pretty deaf — ears: “At some point, these things end. And then you become an inconvenience. And there’s no room in business for an inconvenient woman. I mean, that’s a fact.”

Clayton shows up and everyone eats their runny hotel eggs as if nothing’s going on. Can you expense condoms?

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