“Cashmere Mafia” Recaps: Episode 1.3 “Dangerous Liaisons”


Co-workers — After a filling lunch of salad and water, Zoe returns to her office to put up with her ambitious assistant, Katherine. Katherine hands in a report two days late and tells Zoe how lucky she is to have such a cracker-jack associate.

Katherine asks Zoe for some fashion footwear advice, and hey, does my calculating ambition make me look fat? Zoe gives Katherine the once-over and thinks to herself, “Try buying your business suits somewhere other than Frederick ‘s of Hollywood.”

Zoe then learns her co-worker, Clayton, has invited Katherine along on their business trip to Boston. She’s not qualified and she has nothing to contribute, but Clayton thinks their young web start-up clients will feel better having someone their own age in the room.

And Zoe stayed up all night practicing phrases like, “Dude, the offer’s on the real,” “My peeps will ping your peeps,” and “Our analysts got mad skillz.” She should’ve gone to bed early.

The word is out — Over at Lily Parish Cosmetics, Caitlin is watching an assistant with the arms of a 9-year-old try in vain to open a jar of thigh-firming cream. If he can’t open the product, how are women weak from starving themselves supposed to obtain silky smooth thighs of steel? Caitlin sends him out of the room to contact people in packaging, and more importantly, a personal trainer for himself.

Just then, Lily Parish herself walks in, reading the RegretsOnly.com gossip out loud. Lily speculates it’s Sarah in R&D. “She has very thick eyebrows,” Lily offers as evidence. Caitlin informs her Sarah is married and has two kids, as if that somehow disqualifies her from canoodling.

Lily doesn’t care who on her staff is gay so much as who can help her sell more makeup. She proposes using Portia de Rossi for their next campaign to sell lipstick to lesbians. A fine idea. I need new wallpaper for my computer.

Caitlin listens nervously, hoping Lily doesn’t realize who’s really eating noodles in a canoe with a hot chocolate woman. Lily leans in, studying Caitlin’s face. Does her boss see a big, lavender labrys on her forehead?

No. She sees the pimple that’s grown into a little tumor.

Meanwhile, Caitlin must really believe in her company’s product line, because she appears to be wearing it. All of it. Is she starring in an opera later that evening?

Lily orders Caitlin to cancel her appointments and put a bag over her head. I can’t say I blame her. A cosmetics exec with a zit is like a dentist with no teeth.

Chow down — Over at Barnstead Media, Mia is setting the publishing world ablaze with her never-wrong projections, slick negotiations and creative vision.

Her protégé, Tracy, brings in the new cover for Modern Man, and from the look on her face, it’s a winner. Not.

Mia takes one look at the little man lying on a plate about to be eaten by a faceless woman, and orders Todd be brought to her chambers.

Not my gumdrop buttons!

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