Morning rituals — It’s morning, and Zoe is packing a carry-on for her business trip to Boston while she rattles off a list of chores and reminders at Eric, who is lying in their bed pretending to be asleep.
The pretending-to-be-asleep trick never works with real partners — they know you too well. That trick is best reserved for women you picked up while wearing beer goggles, but in the unforgiving light of day, don’t look so much like Keira Knightley anymore. With any luck, they’ll let themselves out.
Over in the very fine digs of Juliet and Davis My-Wife-Neglects-Me-So-Let’s-Get-a-Room Draper, Juliet is sitting at her makeup table getting ready for work like she has all the time in the world. Which she does, because she’s the boss and bosses can show up whenever they damn well please. I’ve been the boss. Not officially, but ya know, in my mind.
Juliet’s cell rings. It’s Bobby Walsh, the one that got away. The last nice, hot, rich, single, straight man in North America. Bobby might actually be a long-lost Osmond Brother named Larry.
Don’t get all existential so early in the morning, Juliet. I need coffee first.
From his hotel room in London, Bobby proposes that he might swing through New York in a few weeks on business — monkey business, that is. Heh.
Juliet is too classy to engage in blatant phone sex, but from the naughty look on her face, it’s obvious she’s definitely thinking about merging their assets with due diligence.
Just then, Davis comes out of the shower and Juliet hangs up quickly. Davis is in full contrition mode and suggests they relive the good times by returning to a resort they both love in Anguilla. Juliet says no thanks. Pristine beaches and tropical drinks aren’t going to fix anything; only time will heal her wounds.
Meanwhile, Mia is already on the job, holding a meeting with the staff of Modern Man, one of her many magazines.
Unlike women’s magazines, which are chock full of makeup tips, self-help articles and pieces on how to make the man in your life happy, men’s magazines feature life-enhancing pieces like updates on cool tech gadgets, photo spreads of hot actresses and movie recommendations.
Let’s start a women’s magazine called Flawed and a men’s magazine called S’all Good!
After the meeting breaks up, a doughy dude who’s badly in need of a haircut approaches Mia to feel her out about his job. Seems he was hired by and worked for Jack, Mia’s ex-fiancé. Mia assures him there will be no penalties for working with Jack-ass. “We’re still friends,” Mia tells him. And by “friends,” she means people who never speak to each other.
Tracy, Mia’s protégé, comes in with a phone message from Mia’s mother. Mama Mia, if you will, wants to know when Mia and Jack are coming over for dinner. Whoops. Someone forgot to tell Mom the wedding’s off.