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“Face Off” Mini-Cap (7.9): Snake in the grass

It’s the real American makeup artists. G.I. Face Off! Sorry, that was probably a stretch. But not more of a stretch than the blatant ad for G.I. Joe that was this week’s Face Off episode. We get it, Hasbro. You still make G.I. Joe action figures and not just film franchise vehicles for Channing Tatum (and then The Rock).

THE CHALLENGE: The challenge was to create a snake-like human hybrid super soldier that fits into the G.I. Joe universe. And to help McKenzie brought along a whole bunch of crates of real, live, venomous snakes. Good thing snakes don’t freak me out. Now if it was spiders… *runs screaming from the room*

THE TWIST: There was no official twist. But there was a rather unexpected twist for Stella, whose model came down with strep throat a day into the three-day challenge. So she had to either scrap her entire face and cowl sculpts or press on and hope for the best. She chose the latter. Hey, next time dose all the models with Vitamin C and Echinacea so this doesn’t happen, OK?

THE GOOD: Winner Dina made an elegant female snake assassin based off a rainbow boa. Her paint job and precision sculpt were particularly impressive. Also, is it normal to think a lady snake assassin is kind of hot? No. Then I retract that question.

THE BAD: Oh, Keaghlan. We hardly knew you and your fabulous turquoise eyebrows. Alas, your insipid Albino Reticulated Python assassin and her even more uninspired flat, blotchy yellow paint job sent you home. On the plus side, it made me unexpectedly hungry for some corn.

THE RANDOM: It’s not just me, right? Rachael’s Green Tree Python creation looked more like Barney’s Triceratops friend Baby Bop, right?

THE WTF WERE THEY THINKING: Oh, Sasha. After the judges saved you last week you turn around and make a snake-version of your successful owl from a few weeks ago? I don’t know if you’ve ever watched the show, but — honey — they always know when you redo a makeup. Always.

THE GAY: Despite her model-swap setback, Stella pulled off her Namibian Coral Cobra character pretty well. Sure, she had to scrap the cowl helmet last minute because of her new model’s teeny, tiny head. But she was safe and gets to come back next week, and that’s what matters.

So, what did you think of this week’s creations? At first I was a little perplexed by the prize of action figures for the winning contestant. Really, they aren’t 12. But then I remembered, oh yeah, they’re all sci-fi, horror, special effects nerds — they probably all have in-the-box figurines somewhere in their homes.

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