“The Fosters” recap (2.9): Toot My Own Horn


Previously on The Fosters, Brandon and Lou debated whether love is utter codswallop and nearly sealed their disagreement with a kiss. Stef got a letter from Ana and generally tried not to screw everything up while Lena was camping in the woods with the Judicorn Scouts. Mariana and Hayley cooked dinner for Mat and Jesus and then bickered over the soup course like they were already in-laws. Callie took a weekend trip to Girls United and helped Rosie pull Becca from a burning building because she’s a freaking superhero (and hadn’t crossed “surviving a house fire” off her “Worst Things That Can Happen To You” bingo board).

Mariana flips through all of the clothes she owns while Callie looks on wearing her one pair of jeans, jacket, and one of three shirts. She wants to look good but not slutty, comfortable but not sloppy, like she cares but, you know, not too much. Being a girl is hard, yo.

Down in the kitchen, Stef is getting ready to go to her extra shift as a security guard. Lena’s not around so what’s the point of staying home? She offers to stick around if Callie is still a little shaken from that inferno at Girls United. Callie’s good though because she has therapy and what’s one more tragic life event in the grand scheme of things. Jesus is keen to know just exactly how long Stef and the gang will be out of the house because he has a paper to write and we all know how serious he is about his academics. Stef asks if he is planning on having another rager. After Brandon picks his jaw off the table he says he is going to a thing with Lou and Stef suggests he takes Callie. Dates are always better with your almost adopted foster sister who you made out with a few months ago.

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Mariana bounces in and asks when Lena and Jude will be back. Stef tells them that Lena is doing better after her time in the bush (not a euphemism) but that they all need to be extra sweet when she comes home because losing a baby is hard. Well, she heard it’s hard because she’s certainly not hiding any feelings beneath her uniform and her extra shift. Before she leaves she tells Brandon to take a dish back to Mike’s. The kids all wonder how Mike is doing after his break-up with Dani which was so sudden and unexpected. Brandon mumbles something before sprinting for the door with the tainted lasagna pan.

Brandon hands Mike the dish and Mike is like, “Well I’d invite you in but right now I have Ana hiding in the back room.” Brandon says, “Cool, I actually would like to be anywhere but here.” After he leaves, Ana pops out of the back room like some sort of horrible jack in the box. She and Mike are doing AA the homeschooled way. They are making a list and checking it twice for all the folks they need to make amends to.

Mariana and Mat are strolling along and Mariana is playing “guess that date” instead of waiting seven seconds to see where they’re going. They end up at a Mexican festival and Mariana does not look pleased.

Fosters 2092Ew, did you just say you ship Brallie?

Callie is chatting with her therapist about her panic attacks. The therapist tells her maybe she doesn’t really trust herself because she misjudged Liam. She tells Callie to trust her instincts, no not the one that told you it was a good idea to kiss Brandon or run away or ask Vico to make you a fake ID or take the fall for Brandon or… nevermind.

Back at home, Jesus leads Hayley to the garage in hopes that returning to the disgusting site of their first hook-up will show her that he really, truly cares. She thought she was getting wined and dined not treated to the strains of Ginuwine and some Yankee Candle remnants Jesus pilfered from his moms. Stef saunters in with a smirk on her face and reminds Jesus that there’s a rule against being alone with girls behind closed doors. He claims it’s not fair because what if he were gay? Well, Jesus, if you were gay, it would be okay. He grumbles and leaves with Hayley. No worries, Sparky, your mom will get the rest of the candles, you pyro.

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Brandon meets Lou at the festival and Callie apologizes for crashing. No worries, the hair model appears to make this a double date. Callie challenges Wyatt to see who can eat the most. Wyatt, you are not going to meet another girl this great. I sure hope you don’t screw it up (you know, by the end of the episode).

Mat asks Mariana if she likes Frida Kahlo and she says, “Fried calamari isn’t really my thing.” When he tries to explain that Frida Kahlo is an internationally known artist Mariana snaps that she didn’t grow up in a latin household. But you grew up with lesbians, you should know about Kahlo.

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