Previously on The Fosters, Callie and Jude pretended they were in an early 2000’s rap video and hung out on the Quinn’s yacht. Mariana realized that “practice makes perfect” isn’t just a stupid thing moms say to get you to do your homework, Jesus started to realize that maybe Hayley wasn’t being straight with him about anything except being a stage five clinger, and Brandon told Stef and Mike about Dani raping him.
We open in the kitchen of course where Mariana is trying to convince Stef to let her cook dinner with Hayley for Jesus and Mat. Stef isn’t sure she wants to hand over the keys to the dream kitchen to Mariana but relents when she’s promised leftovers. The way to Stef ‘s heart is clearly via her stomach (e.g. pancakes, guacamole).
We’re back at Girls United, and it feels so good. Becca is like a new woman. She is happy and about to head home to live with her mom who is super sorry about all those boyfriends who used to molest Becca. Everyone is happy for Becca and enjoying her sunny disposition. Continuing with the good news, Rita (Hi Rosie!) says that Cole has gotten a spot in the LGBT group home. He seems less thrilled about this than he would have been on our last visit. Maybe he is enjoying being the only rooster in the hen house these days. Callie is visiting so she can help with community day. Rita introduces her to Devonee, who rolls her eyes like a pro and then disgorges her life story and how Girls United is bullshit. She’s charming. Rita tells her, if you want to be a Peach you’re going to have to pass etiquette. Gracefully and grandly, Marla.
Callie heads upstairs and Becca invites her to spend the weekend in her room so she can send Devonee elsewhere, like Cole’s room or the hellmouth. Callie is loyal to Cole and doesn’t want to ditch him but tells Becca she’s proud of all the hard work she’s done. When she goes into Cole’s room she finds him making out with Devonee. He tells Callie that maybe she could stay with Becca so he and Devonee could, you know. Callie agrees because she’s awesome like that.
Back home, Stef gets a text from Lena who is a) in the woods chaperoning a bunch of seventh grade boys or b) giving birth in real life and can’t come to the set right now. She shows Jesus the picture Lena sent and then tells him that she wants to talk about sex. It’s a weird mom segue and Jesus would rather they go back to talking about the seventh grade camping trip. So, sometimes people, even teenage boys, have these feelings and sometimes having sex makes them more complicated. Jesus nods and says he’s using condoms. Apparently, boy wonder thinks condoms protect you from feelings. Stef tries one more tack before sending him off to do his homework. When Stef opens the mail and finds a letter from extortionist of the year, Ana.
Down in the Girls United basement, Callie and Kiara are getting some folding chairs and discussing whether or not Devonee is gay or not because she makes out with Cole. We’ll call this an understated PSA to remind folks that sexual orientation and gender identity have nothing to do with each other. Kiara’s foster family fell through and she is feeling pretty cranky about that and the fact Callie now has two families that want her. Callie wants to know why Kiara is being a jerk and Kiara wants to know why Callie is there. “She doesn’t even go here!”
Brandon is listening to music with his eyes closed and Stef drops a water balloon on his head and then says, “Whoops, didn’t mean to startle you!” He doesn’t have any plans which she takes as an opening to talk about Dani, Mike, and why Brandon shouldn’t feel bad about what happened and maybe he wants to talk to a therapist or something. Stef’s obviously doing the right thing here but it’s also possible that Mr. Junior Felon San Diego doesn’t have a lot of friends left to hang out with.
Back at Girls Semi-United, Steve Red Herring is at the door shouting at Rita about how hers kids are always playing that rock ‘n roll too loud and sneaking into his garage. Rita tells him to come by the next day to meet some of the girls. Steve yells about how he’s going to get them out of that house like a Scooby Doo villain. Callie’s ears perk up at the sound of Girls United being in trouble. Hmm, who do we know with the cash to bankroll a group home? Think, think, think. Callie heads out back and nearly gets run over by Noel Kahn pretending to be A. Callie wants to tell Rita but Devonee says to forget it. “I know that guy, I went to his cabin in the woods party once.”
In the moms’ bedroom, Stef and Lena are Facetiming, which sounds like a euphemism but isn’t. The camping came with and outhouse and wifi. Lena tells Stef that being in the woods with a bunch of seventh graders has been good. Jude is in his natural unicorn habitat and a little distance has given her some perspective. She sings a couple bars of the “Circle of Life” and tells Stef that being in a place where you can see the stars makes everything seem a bit smaller, more manageable. Stef takes this moment to tell Lena that Ana would like to see the twins and to make amends. Lena may be calm and saying that every day is new and all that but she’s happy to hear Stef say she told Mike that Ana isn’t allowed near their kids, ever.
Callie confronts Cole about taking shady hormones. He rolls his eyes and she reminds him that he had a seizure the last time. He promises to hold off until he gets to the new group home where he can see a doctor. The next morning Callie explains to one of the neighbors that Girls United helped get her back on track but the lady only wants to talk about gangs and drive-bys. All I can think of is the scene in Mrs. Doubtfire where there’s the drive-by fruiting. Anyway, Rita jumps in so Callie can refill her water jug. On her way to the kitchen she meets Becca’s mom who tells Beccathat she has a new boyfriend but that things will be different. Becca looks less convinced and less thrilled to go home.
In the kitchen, Devonee is telling Cole that the drugs are missing and that someone stole them. The happy couple skeedaddles with Kiara comes in bitching about the neighbors being chatty. Before she and Callie can get into a proper snark-off, they hear a popping noise that sounds like gunshots or fireworks or those little snapper things we had as kids. Everyone dives for cover faster than Joey Tribbiani dives to save his sandwich.
Lou appears at the door and Stef says “forget the no girls upstairs rule, Brandon could use some cheering up. It’s not like he ever has to follow any of the other rules, anyway.” Back at Girls United, Rita says that they made some great connections in spite of the firecrackers. Devonee thinks Callie doesn’t know real pain. Kiara stands up for Callie, but Callie has nothing more to add. Callie is all “life is pain, highness.”
In the backyard bistro, Hayley is serving cold soup. When she makes fun of Mariana, Jesus says that she never had a chance to be a good cook because their birth mom only cooked crack. Hayley calls Mariana out on lying about knowing her birth parents. This is why you don’t lie until you have passed the entire Alison DiLaurentis home study course on lying. Mariana forgot to download her lies for her siblings to keep up. Rookie mistake. Hayley storms off and leaves Mat to talk to Mariana. He tells Mariana that his dad left when he was little and he doesn’t tell that to most people and kisses her. Which would be cuter if Stef wasn’t lurking in the kitchen. Stop being a lurker, Stef!
Rita is reading a book and freaking Callie out with her empathic skills. When Callie tries to pretend she came just for Community Day Rita says, “Well that’s nice, but you didn’t have to stay the weekend.” You can’t fool, Rita.
Lou is playing a record for Brandon and talking about how love is a lie and that how stupid is it to say you would die without another human being. Brandon take umbrage at the suggestion since he’s an outlaw who nearly died at the thought of not being able to be with his foster sister. Lou sings a few bars of the song and Brandon wonders why, of all the houses full of delinquent teens on San Diego she walked into his. They almost kiss but the song ends saving the illusion of #Brallie for another week.
Callie thanks Kiara for sticking up for her and tells her that she really came to visit back because she has some shit to figure out. She wants to know how long it’s going to take for her to be over being raped. She’s ready to be done with the panic but she can’t seem to turn it off. Kiara tells her to get some help because she can’t fake being over it, it will come back over and over. Devonee breaks up this chat by screaming at Callie about the drugs. Callie didn’t take them, girl.
Callie stops Cole from running away with Devonee. He wants to get out so people will stop conflating gender and sexuality and treat him like a man. Callie tells him that if Devonee loves him she will want him to go to the LGBT group home so he can get the hormones legally and become the man he wants to be, safely and with the support he need.
Back at the Adams Foster house of terrible teenage dates, Hayley tells Jesus that maybe she worried he would hook up with Emma at the team dinner since he hooked up with her at the party. Maybe they should go on a real date and maybe it should happen when he should really be studying. He says no but relents because she’s got that manipulative thing down cold. Have fun repeating the school year, bucko.
Kiara wants to know what drugs Devonee had. Cole tells her that he’s not leaving and she gets mean. She tells him that he’ll never be anything but a freak. Before she goes she tells them she hopes they are light sleepers. Kiara tells her to get out and Callie hugs Cole.
Stef tells Jesus that it seems like maybe Hayley is manipulating him, you know getting him to dance like a little puppet. He tells her to shove it. God, teenagers can be the worst! Stef gives him the “God, you’re so young and stupid” look and he stomps off to bed.
Callie walks into Cole’s room. He’s feeling pretty terrible and wonders if anyone is ever going to love a freak. Callie tells him he’s not a freak, that he’s just trying to become who he wants to be and that’s pretty darn brave. Here’s the thing about this show. A lot of the time the teenage story lines lose me. Clearly, I am here for the Stef and Lena of it all. Every now and then my wife, who is infinitely smarter than I am, shakes her head at me and puts things in perspective. I may not watch for the teen story lines, but plenty of people do. Plenty of kids plop down each week to watch Callie and Wyatt and Brandon and the twins and Judicorn. They watch and probably don’t notice half the time that they have two moms. They probably didn’t notice that twice this episode the characters talked about the difference between gender and sexuality. TWICE!
And this scene is just wrapped up with a bow of understanding. What teenager hasn’t felt like “who is going to love me with my [insert insecurity here]?” Growing up, being a teenager is full of feeling like a freak and wondering how there could possibly be a person out there who would see whatever it is that makes you different and think it’s awesome. So Cole lying in bed, crying because this horrid girl didn’t really want him and called him a freak is about a transgender teen who is hurt because the girl he thought liked him for who he is rejected him. But, without diminishing the importance of having Cole’s story on this show, you could have put any one of the kids on this show in that scene and it would have worked.
So yeah, I bag on the teenagers, but as my wife likes to remind me, at the end of the day I am glad that this show exists so all of us freaks can empathize with some foster kids, a transgender teen, a boy who likes to wear nail polish, the girl who can’t seem to find where she fits, and the boy who lost his gift. We’re all freaks, man. I hope the kids watching see that.
Anyway, after her heart to heart with Cole, Callie goes back to Becca’s room and Becca scurries out to go smoke the drugs she stole from Devonee. Later that night, Girls United smoke starts to fill the house. Rita runs up and tells the girls to make like a bread truck and haul buns out of the house. She finds Becca passed out in the basement but can’t lift her until Callie appears to help. Rita tries to send Callie away but our girl won’t have anything to do with it. Together they pull Becca out and hand her off to Shawson. At the end of the night, the girls are going back to juvie until they can find a new group home.
Rita yells at Callie not to be a hero because people who try to be heroes usually end up dead. Callie is more worried that this is the end of Girls United and Rita says each girl has the same opportunity to get it together. Stef drives up and rushes to hug Callie and then to take her home.
