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“Orange Is the New Black” recap (2.7): Comic Sans

The ladies of B Dorm are officially open for business, rolling their freshly smuggled contraband tobacco into cigarettes. The women of Vee’s crew are still a little wary, in particular Cindy, who isn’t afraid to voice her concern. Big Boo, who is now on look out duty, warns them of an approaching CO. Once the danger clears, they go back to rolling and Cindy’s constant questioning of Vee’s authority starts to rub Vee the wrong way. Cindy thinks this whole scheme is about making Vee money, but Vee insists it’s about respect and making a space for themselves in the prison world. Suzanne, Vee’s biggest fan, agrees but is disappointed when she’s relegated to rolling duty. Taystee pipes up about how the hell are they going to store and sell these cigarettes without getting caught, but of course, Vee has a plan.

In Caputo’s Masterbatorium and Plant Emporium, he’s reading the riot act to the COs for letting Jimmie wander out and cause a scene at the bar. He’s assigns CO Bell to keep tabs on Jimmie and orders the COs to start giving out at least five SHOTS a week. Six for CO Fisher, because Caputo’s ego is a wee bit fragile. The COs complain but Caputo sends them away.

Cindy is making her way to count, when one of the COs fresh from his chewing out by Caputo, gives her a SHOT for being late. She’s still got time to make it, so she objects, especially when White Cindy slides by without a SHOT. She accuses him of racism and he orders her on to the floor.

Flashback to Cindy, pre-Litchfield, where she used to be the one giving orders. She’s the world’s worst TSA agent; abusing her authority with passengers, joy riding on a luggage cart, inappropriately feeling people up, and likely the root of her incarceration, stealing valuables from peoples’ luggage. (This sequence is a fine bit of comedic work by Adrienne C Moore, who portrays Cindy like a category 5 hurricane, sweeping up everything in her path.)

Andrew, the reporter, comes to visit Piper and discuss his intentions for the article exposing the prison’s finances. Piper tells him about the prisoners’ mistreatment by guards and administration, but Andrew doesn’t think that focus is beneficial. Mostly because he doesn’t think people really care. What he can give them is an expose on financial mismanagement, which is something that matters to his readers. Piper explains that she’d be putting herself at tremendous personal risk by trying to get the good, and that’s something she isn’t willing to do.

Sophia preps Gloria for her usual “do”, but can’t resist suggesting a nice faux hawk instead. Gloria’s tells her that her usual do, along with her face, seems to give off a vibe of intimidation all on its own. One of Red’s Golden Girls, Taslitz, pops in to give Sophia a code message about violets.

Nicky and Taystee rendezvous in the women’s bathroom where Taystee has promised to show Nicky something worth her book of stamps. Taystee whips out a tampon box, but Nicky swears she’s all-good. Inside the tampons however, is the Holy Grail. Out slides a cigarette into Nicky’s waiting hand. Taystee produces a special lighter, made with a battery and a gum wrapper, and Nicky lights up. The look of cross-eyed ecstasy on her face, is better than a thousand Soso orgasms.

Red’s crew are having a spirited discussion on whether or not the rat from Ratatouille had legal and health code permission to open a restaurant, when Sophia shows up inquiring about violets. From her flower pots, Red produces contraband hair products and nail files, and the cu de grace, a large bag of gummy bears. The gummy bears are payment for Red’s dye jobs from now on. It’s hard to say no to delicious gelatinous sugar treats, so Sophia agrees to that and to putting a little dough in Red’s commissary.

Throughout the prison, word is out about the cigarettes, so the great stamp exchange is happening all over. Even Norma gets herself a little smokie smoke.

Blanca is smoking in the walk in cooler (which is totally where the cooks used to smoke at all the restaurants I worked) when Gloria calls out to her. Gloria is not happy with the kitchen staff that day, especially since the rice and beans is for shit. It doesn’t get better when Bennett walks in with his smuggled good for the women. Flacca gets an iPod, which is actually Bennett’s and is full of whiny indie music and not the Smiths as requested. Diaz gets her Yoohoo, but there’s no phone for Blanca. Bennett warns the women that this is the last time he can smuggle anything in, but the women don’t pay him any mind. Since Blanca can’t get her phone, she requests porn. Flacca and Diaz think that’s a genius idea, and Flacca put in a request for gay porn. (How very Kids Are Alright of you, Flacca.) Listen, she doesn’t want to exploit women, ok.

In line for food, Soso complains about the lack of vegetarian options at the cafeteria to Piper. Daya is serving, and stops Piper to ask if she can be a part of the newsletter. Piper is delighted. She takes the opportunity to ask Daya if she knows who the contractor is for the kitchen, but Daya doesn’t have a clue. Sister Ingalls and Rosa sit together as Rosa asks the nun about the priesthood in Africa. The Sister quickly excuses herself, and pockets a slice of cornbread for later on. CO Fisher catches her and reluctantly gives the Sister a SHOT. Rosa swears it’s the end of days. Piper walks by Jimmie, who is unsuccessfully gnawing on a pork chop. Piper sits down and cuts up Jimmie’s food, and Jimmie mistakes Piper for her daughter Roberta.

In Cindy’s bunk, Angie is on her knees cleaning, in exchange for a cigarette. Diaz stops by with a jar of grape jelly to trade as well. Seems that Cindy is working a little barter system. Vee isn’t going to be pleased.

Flashback to Cindy at her mother’s home, celebrating her little sister’s birthday. Cindy’s mother comments that Cindy hasn’t been around much, but Cindy swears she’s been tied up at work. She gifts her little sister the iPad she stole from a passenger’s luggage. The little sister is thrilled and they celebrate by doing their special little handshake/dance together. Cindy offers to take her sis out for ice cream but her mother objects due to Cindy’s track record with responsibility. Cindy promises to watch out for her sis and Cindy’s mother relents. When they leave, their mother opens up the iPad and sees pictures of a nice Asian family inside, and quickly realizes that the gift has been stolen.

A trepidatious Morello approaches Piper in her bunk to ask if she can be a part of the newsletter. Piper smiles and says yes, but when she presses Morello about what she’d like to write about, Morello is at a loss. Piper suggests she write a serial romance, but Morello nixes that real quick. Piper gets it right away, and sympathizes with Morello’s situation. Piper has a lightbulb moment, and suggests a beauty column instead, which Morello loves.

In the library, Nicky tries to covertly inquire about cigarettes from Poussey. Poussey tells her that she’s barking up the wrong tree, and she’s not one of Vee’s cronies. Poussey knows that when the shit hits the fan, that Vee will be as far away from it as possible, letting the other women take the fall. The alarms go off and both women hit the ground. Nicky, ever observant, knows that Poussey cares deeply for Taystee. She brings up how back in high school, when we are all little lesbians, we have that straight best friend that loves our attention, but doesn’t love us back. Then when that friend gets a boyfriend, we channel all our frustration on to him. Poussey denies she’s in love with Taystee, but Nicky’s been around the block. She warns Poussey that by hating “the boyfriend” it’s just going to put more distance between her and Taystee. She suggests making nice with Vee, to make Poussey’s life easier.

The women from the kitchen are unloading the produce truck when Bennett walks in. When he tells them that he won’t be smuggling in any more contraband, Maritza reminds him that they have dirt on him. However, Bennett knows the system will always work in his favor, so the threats don’t scare him anymore. He tells them that they are all getting SHOTS and when Maritza objects, he takes her to the SHU. Bennett, you’ve changed man. Bennett is set up to be a sympathetic character, but when it comes down to it, he took advantage of a situation. He broke the rules, and refuses to accept that he may not be such a golden boy after all.

Caputo calls Piper in to his office to discuss her newsletter. He wants to co-opt part of it to focus on the guards, you know, because what prisoner doesn’t want to learn fun facts about her oppressors. He “suggests” a column that features a guard and humanizes them. This is hubris beyond words. Caputo, another one who thinks he’s a good guy, finds a way to chip into every facet of these inmates’ lives. Nothing is private or sacred, and the sad thing is, that doesn’t even occur to him. Piper rolls with it though, because she knows it’s better to make friends than enemies on the inside. She starts interviewing him on the spot.

Back in the outside world, a frantic Polly shows up at Larry’s house to harangue him about his impulsive kiss the other day. She slaps him for complicating her already fragile world. He apologizes, but she doesn’t want to hear another man-child excuse. She starts listing off all the really great things that she and Larry have shared together, and how he’s kind of right in all the ways she wants someone to be right. Boom. There it is, a spark that’s been hidden under years of friendship and understanding. She tells him to fuck her right then, and kisses him passionately.

Red and her crew are playing cards, while she tries to explain the internet to a befuddled Taslitz. “It’s in the wires,” Red growls. Big Boo swings by and asks Red to score her some matches. Red laughs it off, wondering what the hell Boo would be smoking. Boo tells her about Vee’s operation. Red plays it cool, but refuses to supply the matches for Boo’s own good. As Boo leaves, she kicks a chair and gets a SHOT from CO Maxwell.

At newsletter headquarters, Piper is dolling out assignments and names Morello assistant editor. Flacca points out that the newsletter is now run by two white chicks, a fact that had escaped Piper at the time. Flacca was on yearbook, but Morello doesn’t give her much credence and presents her own article. Daya has come up with a clever cartoon, where the animals slyly represent the COs and administration. Piper loves the idea. Flacca points out a commonly made mistake in Morello’s piece, (the whole could care less vs. couldn’t care less argument) so Piper tries to diffuse the situation by saying they are both right. They are interrupted by Jimmie, who has sought Piper out (thinking she’s Roberta) to say that she’s being followed. She’s not wrong, as CO Bell stands off to the side. After they leave, Flacca announces that she’ll be writing an advice column for the newsletter.

Vee and Taystee are hanging in the bunks, admiring some of their newly acquired stamp books when Cindy walks by. Vee calls her in to get her cut, but since Cindy’s been trading for cigarettes, she has nothing to show Vee. Vee removes her from selling duty and banishes her to maintenance. Cindy refuses to do grunt work, but the matter is closed when Vee tosses a pack of cigarettes to very surprised Poussey. She asks Poussey to join them, and Poussey, taking Nicky’s advice to heart, agrees to think about it. Cindy is pissed off and tells Vee that she isn’t scared of her. One gets the impression from the look on Vee’s face that she should be.

Flashback to Cindy and her sister Monica, jamming out in the car, rolling through the neighborhood. Cindy asks her Monica how school is, and it turns out that little sis is a bit of a nerd. (Yea nerds!) The kids tease her about being named after the “tense girl on friends”. Ha! Cindy tells her that no, she was in fact named after Monica from Love and Basketball. Cindy spies her old friend Martin, who just got out of jail and pulls up to say hi. He invites her in and she leaves her little sister in the car while she goes inside. This isn’t going to end well, is it?

While CO Bell watches over Jimmie from the guard office, O’Neill comes in to talk. He’s sorry about being hesitant to commit, but he’s all in now. Bell lets her walls come down and kisses her Panda. O’Neill tells her that he’s learned some insights about the female anatomy that he’s like to show her. They start kissing again and Jimmie slips out of sight, unnoticed.

A very angry Day pulls Bennett into a closet to yell at him for his punishment of her friends. She tells him that they are her family on the inside and they wouldn’t rat him out for anything. Bennett swears he couldn’t take that risk. Daya tells him to give her a SHOT. She curses, pushes him, throws her nametag on the floor. He insists that he wouldn’t do that to her, but she tells him he could and that’s how this dynamic is royally fucked up. “You have the choice. You have the power. I’m an inmate. I have nothing,” she says, with angry tears welling in her eyes.

Asst Warden Fig and her husband sit drinking Jack Daniels in a hotel room ,while he bitches about campaigning to the elderly. Mr. Fig’s campaign manager Gavin comes in to deliver the bad news that their opponent just received a major donation from a wealthy businessman. Mr. Fig sends Gavin on his way, but Gavin gives Mr. Fig the dimmers before he leaves, complimenting him on his excellent speech. Hmm, my gaydar might be a little rusty, but my female intuition tells me that there is something happening there. Mr. Fig tries to reassure Mrs. Fig that they will be fine, but she’s stressing about the reporter who keeps popping up at Litch. When he tells her to imagine their new place in Albany, with a couple of little Figs running around, she reminds him that that might be a little tough since he won’t have sex with her. She just wants him to want her. He responds with the smarmiest thing ever. “I more than want you, I need you.” For my own personal gains and political future, he forgets to add.

Larry gets another surprise visitor in Pete. Pete has brought some brews over with hopes of bitching about his wife to Larry’s sympathetic ear. Turns out that Polly left the house, and came back acting super weird. Hmm, any thoughts Larry?

In the chapel, Jimmie has eluded CO Bell and is standing on the stage. She imagines she’s talking to her husband, who is convincing her to jump from the docks into the water. She does a swan dive right onto the hard floor below.

After lights out, Vee sneaks out of her bunk and sits down on a sleeping Cindy’s bed. Cindy wakes up with a start, to see Vee staring at her. Cindy tries to make some jokes about it, but Vee points out that that’s kind of her default. Cindy is living for today, and with no ambition for the future. Vee calls her a loser and walks away.

Flashback to Cindy’s mother’s kitchen where it’s past midnight and Cindy and Monica have just shown back up. Cindy’s mother is furious, and brings up the stolen iPad. Cindy lashes out and we find out that she’s actually Monica’s birth mother, not her sister. Cindy’s mother tells her that she gave up the rights to claim Monica as her daughter when she abandoned her. Cindy suggests that they tell Monica and let her choose. Her mother reminds Cindy of the dedication it takes to raise a child. If Cindy thinks she can provide a normal, stable life for Monica, then her mother tells her to take the child. A tearful Cindy stands alone in the kitchen, with the weight of it all pressing down on her shoulders. Cindy does love Monica, but is she ready to settle down and take care of her?

CO Fisher is listening in on inmate recording when Caputo stops by. He apologizes for being hard on her the other day, but he wants to be warden and sometimes ambition requires tough choices be made. He brings up Luschek who he finds to be lacking in ambition, and abundant in Fisher kisses. Fisher likes talking to Luschek, so Caputo’s little sly remarks don’t bother her. He has rosemary he’s brought for Red’s garden, so he leaves. When Fisher starts listening in again to the conversation, she finds out through Aleida’s conversation that Daya is pregnant.

In the library, the ladies are hard at work on the newsletter. Daya is using Comic Sans on her comic, which Flacca finds distasteful. People really have strong feelings about Comic Sans. Daya reveals that Maritza will be out of SHU the next day and that Bennett didn’t even file the paperwork. Healy pops in to check on their progress, and finds out that Piper has made everyone assistant editors, and there is no one person in charge. Piper asks Healy about her furlough, and he tells her that he’ll look into it. He gives them his seal of approval before leaving.

Gloria makes her way to Red’s bunk, smuggling in a yogurt. Red is unimpressed with Gloria’s lack of originality, but decides to let it go. Red asks what she’d like, and mentions a lot of requests for gum lately. Gloria reveals that they are using the wrappers to make lighters. When Red expresses her concern over Vee’s operation, Gloria doesn’t get her apprehension. They both have their own things going, and so far there’s no competition. Gloria doesn’t want any contraband or black market items. She wants Red to grow cilantro in the garden. Red agrees and a tenuous truce is made.

In his office, Caputo proudly hangs a copy of the newsletter that features him on the front page.

Suzanne and Vee are deep into a game of chess where Vee’s teaching her about resisting impulses and playing the long game strategy. Cindy shows up, agreeing to take her licks and join Suzanne on the manufacturing side of the operation. Suzanne tosses Cindy a bag full of used tampon applicators to sanitize and prep. Cindy is disgusted, but Vee explains this is how things are done.

Flashback to Cindy on the job, looking morose as she checks boarding passes. A little girl and her father stop by, and the little girl asks her father for some juice. He smiles at Cindy and asks if she has kids. She takes a long pause and answers him, “no.”

A bandaged up and bruised Jimmie is led out of the prison by COs. She sees Piper and calls out to her. Well, Roberta at least. They escort Jimmie to a van while Piper, Sister Ingalls and Frieda watch from the yard. Piper asks if Jimmie will be getting help, but no. Jimmie will be taken to a bus station and left to her own devices. Her only daughter lives oversees and is estranged. They call it compassionate release, but it’s simply inhumane. The women watch as Jimmie is carted away, screaming for Roberta.

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