“Orange is the New Black” recap (2.3): Hugs Can Be Deceiving


In Mr. Caputo’s office, he’s brought Piper and Pennsatucky together to clear the air. Tucky is pretty much still riding high on her new teeth, which she only got because Piper knocked her old ones out. Win win. We can all go home. Piper pipes up, promising to be a model inmate. Caputo says that they’ve both been found responsible so case is closed. Piper is confused because Pennsatucky never hit her. Caputo begs to differ since Piper was found passed out in the snow with a bloody face. He strongly suggests that they hug. They do like they are both hugging a cactus. When they leave, Caputo whips out his personal masterbatorium, but changes his mind. Thank god.

Litchfield is suddenly the OK Corral when Vee and Red finally lay eyes on each other. They walk toward one another, two bulls, horns sharpened. When they meet up, surprisingly they hug it out. They tease each other the way only formal rivals can. Barbs softened by age and mutual respect. Vee talks about how the game inside has changed and how this time, she’s going to lay low. Red doesn’t believe her for a second.


Flashback to Suzanne’s high school graduation. She’s set to sing a special song in front of the entire audience and she’s nervous. It doesn’t help that her mother has been pushing her hard for so long to express her greatness. When she gets up on stage, she freezes and begins hitting herself in the head. Flash forward to the night of the Christmas pageant when Suzanne was supposed to sing, and couldn’t so Lorna took over. Afterward, Suzanne is feeling full of the spirit, until Flacca and Maritza make fun of her. Suzanne runs out into the courtyard crying, where she sees Piper beating the hell out of Pennsatucky. Something in Suzanne snaps and she charges toward Piper, screaming “Mommy!” She punches Piper right in the nose, stopping her assault on Tucky. Suzanne keeps screaming about her mother pushing her, and knocks Piper out with a right hook.

Back in the present day, Suzanne approaches Piper and asks to speak with her. Piper follows her into the hall. Suzanne apologizes for that night, but Piper expresses her gratitude. If it hadn’t been for her, Piper could have killed Pennsatucky and ended up spending her life behind bars. Piper invites Suzanne to watch the movie later that night with her, but Suzanne no longer hearts Piper. With Vee watching, she says no to Piper and walks away with her head held high.


In the guard’s locker room, as Bennett is getting cleaned up, he realizes there is a way to sneak vitamins into the prison for Daya. In his prosthetic leg.

In Nicky’s bunk, she’s writing feverously in her sex journal (who knew?), when she’s interrupted by the sound of sobbing. Morello is curled up on her bunk, surrounded by crumpled tissues. Nicky goes over to comfort her. Morello, clutching newspaper wedding announcements, cries that not only is Christopher getting married, but on the date that she had planned for them. Nicky lets Morello crawl into her lap and cry.


Piper walks into her cell to find Soso casually lying on her bed. When Piper asks why the hell Soso is on her bed, Soso goes into some story about a book she read on matriarchy in Papua New Guinea. Piper instructs Soso to take her books and her friendship and her endless blathering and shove them up her ass. “I am a lone wolf, Brook, and a vicious one. Don’t make me rip your throat out with my teeth.” Ok, I’m not the only one that’s a little hot and sweaty now, am I?

It’s Celebrity time again, but today the ladies are a little distracted by Vee’s presence. Poussey is wary, and Cindy thinks Vee acts like she owns the place. Watson tells them that Vee used to at one point, or at least that’s the rumor. Taystee chimes in and Poussey realizes the connection from Taystee’s stories of her childhood. Just then, Flacca comes in with a sheet cake, compliments of Gloria. It has sprinkles and everything! Vee calls Suzanne over for the first slice, while the other girls watch, their mouths watering. Vee offers Taystee a slice as a peace offering. When Taystee doesn’t take it, Vee begs for forgiveness and promises not to let Taystee down ever again. Vee then invites the rest of the ladies to share in the Funfetti treasure. Red watches from the doorway, knowing that Vee is up to her old tricks. When Suzanne starts fiddling with her hair, Vee walks over and suggests a change. Looks like there is a new sheriff in town.


Outside, hacking away are Gloria and Aleida, smoking the cigarettes from Vee. They are stale and awful and Gloria realizes she was duped. Heads will roll.

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