“Orange is the New Black” recap (2.3): Hugs Can Be Deceiving

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Flashback to ten year old Suzanne and her sister Grace, getting dropped off for a slumber party. The mother of the birthday girl is less than pleased to see Suzanne. Suzanne’s mother is already on the defensive, and demands to know if it’s because Suzanne is black. The mother throwing the party denies that is the issue, citing that it’s a party for six year olds, but Suzanne’s mom knows better. She starts to break down about how she only wants to give Suzanne a chance to succeed in life like everyone else. Fully aware that Suzanne has emotional issues, her mother defends her child’s right to be a child without judgment or labels. The other mother slaps on a smile and allows Suzanne to stay.

In the library, Daya sits in the stacks reading about prenatal care. Bennett finds her, and talks to her through an opening in the books. They keep trying in little ways to have some semblance of a normal relationship, even though that’s pretty much impossible under the circumstances. She shows Bennett an article about folic acid and the benefits on the development of healthy babies. He suggests that since his mother and most likely hers as well didn’t take prenatal vitamins that their kid will probably turn out just fine. Daya, hormonal but totally justified in her irritation, tells Bennett that she wants a better life for her child than the one she was given. She confesses that she plans to tell the administration that she’s pregnant, an idea that he is heartily against. Before they can argue, CO O’Neill , who is working it with his pedometer all over the prison, interrupts them.

In Sophia’s Salon of Everlasting Grace and Beauty, Red is ready to get beautified. Well, not so much beautified as ready for battle. Sophia offers to make her fierce, or FIERCE. Red goes with the second option. Sophia chats Red up, asking why the change of demeanor. Red reveals she wants to intimidate a recently re-admitted inmate from her past. “Don’t fuck with me,” Sophia says, giving her best Red impression. Of course she has the perfect color for the occasion, “Shank a Bitch Auburn.”

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On the phone with her sister, Morello gets a dose of bad news. Christopher is getting married, and moving to Albany with “her.” Ooooh, we all know “she” is the worst! Morello gets shockingly angry and threatens to strangle “her,” but is immediately brought down by her sister’s disapproval. Morello apologies profusely and begs her sister to tell her the date of the wedding. She sobs into the phone, “My poor baby, he’s so confused. He doesn’t realize she’s a WHOOORE. Why would you want Jessica Simpson when you’ve got Rihanna?” I’ve wondered that myself many times.

At a coffee shop in the city, Larry meets up with Andrew, the writer who is trying to get dirt on Litchfield. Larry thinks he’s there to talk shop about his NPR piece, but Andrew wants an in with Piper. He’s trying to bring down Asst. Warden Fig and needs Piper’s access. Larry tries to spin it back onto himself, saying that he’d be a great asset to have.

In the cafeteria, an inmate expresses concern about the food and Lorna successfully mimes “imaginary gluten allergy” to Gloria. “Prison is gluten,” Gloria says, “Don’t commit the crime if you can’t fucking have flour.” Elsewhere in the caf, Nicky decides to have a come to Jesus (or Alex) moment with Piper. She suggests that she and Piper are “snatch sisters” now. I can see the White Christmas-like costumes already! Piper is not interested in discussion Alex Vause’s vagina at the mo, especially since she’s convinced that everyone is staring at her. Nicky thinks it’s just more of Piper’s narcissistic need to be the center of attention, which is true, but also, everyone IS staring at Piper. Nicky pushes the Alex issue, telling Piper that Alex ran to her with a broken heart and perfect boobs. Sophia stops by to say hello and inspect Piper’s face. “I knew them bitches were lying when they said you left here looking like Omar from The Wire.” Despite their differences, Piper tells Nicky she missed her. Nicky sends the sentiment right back. Piper opens up a bit about her experience in the SHU and Chicago, and questions if it matters if she lived or died. Nicky, in her wisdom, tells Piper the world is bullshit, but Lil Nicky would miss her some Chapman if anything happened to her.

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Vee is trying to get the lay of the land, so she approaches Cindy about getting access to the maintenance room. Cindy isn’t in the mood for Vee’s attempts at niceties, nor is she up for doing a stranger any favors. Suzanne is nearby and overhears Vee’s request.

Flashback to the sleepover, where the little girls are playing a storytelling game. The birthday girl is all like, “Once upon a time there was beautiful princess who was also emotionally stable.” Suzanne’s sister is next and adds a line about the giant house the princess lived in. When Suzanne’s turn arrives, she has dragons attack the house, where the little girl is abandoned by her family and burnt to a crisp. The birthday girl is so pissed, even her crown is trembling. She calls Suzanne stupid, and Suzanne drops her head in shame.

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