The best, most lesbian quips from “Orange is the New Black” Season 2


Our cycles sync up no problem, but trying to get the rest of my lesbian commune on the same Orange is the New Black cycle proved futile. That being said, having now been out for nearly a week, I can only assume that you’ve managed to make it through the entirety of Season 2, one way or alone. (If not, SPOILERS AHEAD.)

Not since Girls premiered has a female-led ensemble TV show dropped with such fervor as Orange is the New Black, the Netflix original dramedy that reimagines the true story of Piper Kerman, “a nice blonde lady,” her diabolical ex-girlfriend, Alex, and the lives of the women at Litchfield Correctional Facility. There was a lot of anticipation going into June 6, as well as apprehension, hoping Netflix would be able to sustain the show’s unprecedented popularity that has made it a mainstream sensation.

The first season of OITNB was an instant hit and is the most successful Netflix series to date, winning a GLAAD Media Award, a People’s Choice Award, and a Webby. The show’s cast is the most diverse group of characters seen this side of ever, including a wide range of socioeconomic backgrounds, ethnicities and sexual identities. If you thought last season’s character development was dynamic, this season’s will make the last seem two-dimensional. Season 2 is bolder, braver and, dare I say, gayer?


Watching it through our gay-tinted lens, we may not even realize just how groundbreaking the show really is. Not only does OITNB pass the Bechdel Test, it serves as an observable look into the lives of lesbians, extending our conversations beyond the spheres in which they usual happen. The show helps to facilitate an honest portrayal of lesbian interactions (sorry, The L Word) in a male-centric TV world. OITNB is a show that has taken the furthest steps outside of the male gaze and, possibly without meaning to, has gone on to impart wickedly poignant lesbian quips, far beyond “lesbian request denied.” Consider it a household compendium of quotable lesbian humor.

Mazall: What time were you born?(Episode 1)

Big Boo: Maybe I could umpire women’s softball. Then I could get laid! (Ep. 2)


Nichols: You and me, I guess we’re snatch sisters. (Ep. 3)

Big Boo: A boob in the hand is worth two in the bush. (Ep. 3)

Nichols: I just bagged a four pointer, we’re almost tied. (Ep.4 )

Chang: I don’t smell fingers, I just write numbers. (Ep. 5)

Poussey: Nein, motherfucker, nein.  (Poussey’s classic response after a voyeuristic gentleman asks if he can watch her and her girlfriend in Ep. 6)


Piper: When you get out of here, who do you imagine yourself going home to?

Nichols: Fiona Apple in the “Criminal” video. (Ep. 6)

Poussey: Ich habe dir gesagt, Scheren ist nicht eine Sache. Loosely translates to, “I told you, scissoring isn’t a thing.” (Ep. 6)

Alex: You’ve never gone down on a woman before? What kind of lesbian are you?

Piper: The boob-touching kind. (Ep. 10)

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Polly: Lesbians are insane. (Ep. 10)

Alex: That’s my girlfriend. I’m new to this whole relationship thing. (Ep. 10) 

Mr. Healy: It’s the lesbians that started this whole thing. They are making babies out of a tube. That’s why they are walking around all the time like they are better. Waiting for us to go obsolete. (Ep. 12)

Pennsatucky: Hey, how does this whole agenda thing work?…The gay agenda, to take over the world?Big Boo: Sorry shortcake, above the ears or it doesn’t count. Hey, if you wanna run with the big boys, you have to prove you’re one of us. (Ep. 12) 

Pennsatucky: I thought this was about the girls. (Pennsatucky taking the plunge on her first lez-inspired haircut. Ep. 13)


What was your favorite (and gayest) quote from Season 2?

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