LESBIANS/GALORE Between Roma Maffia‘s lesbian anesthesiologist character, Rosie O’Donnell‘s guest-starring role and Portia de Rossi‘s multi-episode arc as a lesbian mom, Nip/Tuck was already on track to be the gayest show on cable this fall when it debuts its fifth season in October. But now comes news that Joely Richardson‘s character, Julia, will be getting involved with Portia’s.
Yes, that’s right, Julia is switching teams. (Are they any women left on that show who haven’t?)
Here’s the scoop, according to TV Guide’s Michael Ausiello:
One piece of major Nip/Tuck scoop coming your way! You already know that Portia de Rossi will be joining the cast for nine episodes playing a lesbian mom whose teen daughter wants to go under the knife. But what I’m 100 percent certain you don’t know is that Portia’s character is going to be involved in a torrid relationship with – holy lipstick lesbians, Batman! – Joely Richardson. That’s right, Julia’s switching teams for Ellen’s honey. And word on the set is the pair’s sex scenes are anything but tame. Of course, this is Nip/Tuck, so that much is a given.To help you envision this pairing, I’ve photoshopped Portia and Joely together: I’m looking forward to seeing how this relationship plays out, but these two look a little too similar for my taste. It’s kinda creepy. I mean, who was the casting directory on this one, Freud?
But last season’s weirdly sexual relationship between the characters played by Jacqueline Bisset and Sanaa Lathan (love her!) was really creepy, and those two couldn’t look more different.
And then there was the bisexual brother-and-sister Carver team, and the sexual undertones in Christian and Sean’s relationship …
OK, I have to admit – this is one show where the creepy relationships aren’t limited to lesbians!
COME HERE, GO AWAY The latest issue of More magazine features a lengthy interview with Jodie Foster, who also graces their cover: Most of the interview is about Jodie’s career and her new movie The Brave One (opening Sept. 14), which I’m definitely planning to see based on the poster alone (and because, well, it’s Jodie). But the interviewer does slip in a few personal questions, like these:
Let’s talk about your ring. This one? [Proffers left hand] It’s Tiffany, an eternity ring. You’re wearing it on your wedding ring finger. I am. I’ve always worn a ring. Even taking photos. Even on magazine covers. I don’t take it off. Don’t you think wearing a ring like that raises questions? Well, but that’s my life. … My life is my life. I’m not going to change my life for anybody. I just don’t talk about my dad, my health, who I voted for or what I think of the death penalty because that would be trivializing my life, selling it for a magazine. I don’t have any problems with anybody reporting on my life. It’s just that I’m not going to bring my family into that. The number-one reason for that is: Why would I invite – encourage – more people to sit outside my door and wait for my children to go to school? I don’t have any desire to participate in it.And this one:
When I interviewed you in 1994, you scoffed at the idea of cosmetic surgery. Now, as the crow’s feet start to appear, have you adjusted your stance? Nah. It’s not my thing. I don’t have anything against it for other people. Whatever they want to do, I’m fine with it. For me, it’s really a self-image thing. Like, I’d rather have somebody go, “Wow, that girl has a big nose” than “Wow, that girl has a bad nose job.” I’d rather have a comment about who I am than about something that identifies me as being ashamed of who I am.Never mind Jodie’s “eternity ring” – where do I get her decoder ring? She wears a wedding ring, but she won’t acknowledge she’s married. Her kids share her partner’s last name, but she won’t admit she even has a partner. She won’t get plastic surgery because she’s not ashamed of who she is, but she won’t tell anyone who she really is, either. I give up.
Listen, I respect your right to privacy, Jodie, and I don’t think you need to skywrite “I’m gay” to be considered (somewhat) out, but enough with the double talk already! All this reading between the lines is giving me a headache. No it’s not. Yes it is. No, it’s not …
PLAY THAT FUNK-Y MUSIC, WHITE GIRL! OK! magazine has Britney Spears on its cover this week, proclaiming, “Britney’s new lover … yes, it’s a woman!” The woman in question is her former assistant Shannon Funk, featured in photos with Spears (including the one on the cover) swimming naked in a pool. My favorite part is the subheading: “The troubled star searches for comfort and attention in the arms of her female friends.”
Because that’s just the kind of press bisexual women need. First Lindsay. Now Britney. What’s next, revealing photos of Paris Hilton cavorting with Nicole Richie? Between bisexual killers in the movies, promiscuous bisexuals on TV, and tabloids constantly equating bisexuality with “troubled,” is it any wonder no one wants to identify as bi?
The magazine goes on to quote various anonymous sources saying that Britney has been switch-hitting since she was 16, that she once hit on porn star Jenna Jameson and is now dallying with Shannon. But Funk dismisses the photos as harmless fun and says she’s not in a relationship with Britney, just that “Britney needs constant reassurance of someone’s affection and is very touchy-feely even if she likes someone. Brit loves the attention that comes from flirting.”
OK, sure. Whatever. But you better delete any incriminating MySpace messages before you get hacked. I’m just saying.
Although the “Britney is Bi!” story originated in the tabloids, even mainstream media outlets have picked it up; TV shows Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight have both run pieces on it. ABC News is using Britney’s “bisexual” exploits to lead off a three-page article entitled “Young Women Defy Labels in Intimacy With Both Sexes”; the subheading claims, “Bisexuals Take a ‘Flexible’ View and Don’t Follow a ‘Fixed Path,’ Say Sexuality Experts.” (It isn’t a bad attempt at exploring this topic for a mainstream media outlet, but the two bisexual women they use as examples in the piece both ended up with men – a little more balance would have been nice).
This of course brings me to an exercise I like to call “Fun with Headlines,” which looks at how many different and creative ways the news and gossip outlets can spin a story. Let’s take a look:
I think that last one wins the “most sensationalistic” award for managing to incorporate Britney’s name along with the words “topless” and “sting.”Is Britney just fooling or does she dig women? (MSNBC) Britney’s topless lesbian fling (Daily Telegraph, Australia) Britney Spears Custody Bitchfight: ‘Lesbian Sex Pal’ Served (Hecklerspray) Britney’s “Lesbian Love In” (MTV UK) Funk Denies Setting Up Spears in Topless Pool Sting (ContactMusic.com)
Meanwhile, in other Britney news, the pop star graces the cover of Allure magazine this month, looking like this: Possible caption for this photo: Britney reaches out to her lesbian fans.
(Got a better one? Leave it in the comments.)
BATWOMAN’S KRYPTONITE = HOMOPHOBIA Remember all the talk last year of the new lesbian Batwoman (aka Kate Kane) who was to debut in the comic series 52 and then get her own series? Remember how you bought the latest issue of 52 each week and watched in disappointment as her character became less and less a part of the story? And then how you wondered what ever happened to the Batwoman series? Comic writer Devin Grayson addresses these issues and more in a new article on ComicBookResources.com about LGBT characters in comics (thanks to AfterEllen.com reader Peter Wong for the tip!).
“The Powers That Be are pretty good these days about letting you choose to make a character of your own design homosexual or bisexual,” says Grayson, “but the closer you get to an established character, the harder it becomes. And although I sympathize with that decision in many respects – it’s not fair to retcon an established character just to make a socio-political point – the problem with that policy is that, for the sexual identity issue to have weight in the world of superhero icons, the so-identified character has to be an icon.”
Kate Kane, Grayson believed, would solve that problem.
“I thought we were on to a nice solution when DC asked me to develop a new, contemporary Batwoman who would be a lesbian from the start,” Grayson told CBR. “That would allow us to have a character with a Bat emblem across her chest who was homosexual without retconning any currently used characters, and we could also ensure that her sexuality could be a minor character note rather than a major story revelation.” But not only was the new lesbian Batwoman relegated to a back seat in the 52 series, Grayson found out eight months into the development of the proposed Batwoman title (from a newspaper article, no less, not even a phone call from DC Comics) that the project was dead.
“That reversal really surprised and disappointed me,” Grayson admitted. “I won’t pretend not to be resentful of how badly DC treated me in that exchange, but the majority of my concern and sympathy goes out to the character, who was basically thrown away by a company which had a lot of support to make her successful and unique. My experiences up to that point had been much more positive, although admittedly less ambitious, and it was really sad and discouraging to see the ball so badly dropped.”
Clearly, she hasn’t been watching enough TV shows or movies, where throwing away good lesbian characters has been elevated to an art form. I guess that’s why I’m not surprised to read this – Americans can barely handle more than one lesbian on TV or at the movies at a time (unless she’s killing someone), so there’s no way they’re going to buy a lesbian superhero.
There has been some success in introducing more peripheral lesbian characters in comics, though. The article shares a positive story about how DC comics reacted to Gotham Central‘s lesbian cop Renee Montoya, and it singles out Top 10‘s Jack Phantom (pictured, right) as “a GLBT character who just happened to be lesbian, but was allowed to express her sexuality in a non-exploitative way.” And the world didn’t even stop turning!
PAINKILLER JANE EUTHANIZED Out actress Kristanna Loken will have to start looking for another gig now that Sci Fi is wrapping up its first 22-episode season of Painkiller Jane – and declined to order another one. While no reason was given for the cancellation, the low ratings probably had something to do with it. Jimmy Palmiotti, the co-creator of the comic series on which the show is based, gave The Comics Continuum his take on it why the show failed to connect with audiences:
My biggest gripe was the fact that there was not enough action and the show was obsessed with a Neuro theme and never delineated from it to build up the characters more. The Jane character is an against-all-odds, bigger-than-life character and not a big team-player type and the format they agreed on was not loyal to the book. The show was more about a group and not the single character and when you have the people running the show proudly saying the show is nothing like the comic, you start to question why they bought the property in the first place. For me, there were good things and bad, but in the end, it wasn’t the comic book, like the TV movie before it, it was an alternate universe version of the character that I thought was an interesting take.I think he’s right on the money about what was wrong with the show. I wanted to know more about Jane, but they kept trying to make it an ensemble drama. (Would they have done that if it was Painkiller Joe?) I didn’t like any of the other characters, and its neuro-of-the-week formula was just plain boring. Other than that, I loved it.
I haven’t read the comic version yet, but it doesn’t look boring: Another incentive to read the comic? Jane is bisexual! (Naturally, this facet of her character was left on the cutting room floor at the Sci Fi Channel, because who wants to watch a hot bisexual woman in an action role? I mean, besides everybody?)
Back to the show … as annoying as it was, it’s too bad the show failed, since Kristanna was the only openly lesbian/bi actress starring in her own TV series, and that occurs about as often as a solar eclipse. Plus, Kristanna is one of the few actresses who can convincingly pull off both this look:
and this one …
(Wow, that is one girlie sofa!)We’ll let you know when we find out what Kristanna’s doing next.
COME HERE, GO AWAY PART DEUX Comedy Central’s The Daily Show did a very funny segment about Logo’s recent Presidential Forum this week which included poking fun at Melissa Etheridge, a scene from Caddyshack, and a lot of golf: That (fake) scene of Melissa yelling “I’m gay” when Bill Clinton is being sworn in makes me laugh every time.
I think this statement from Jon Stewart about the tenor of the forum pretty much sums it up: “The candidates were trying to reassure the gay community how much they support them, while reassuring the country that they don’t completely support them.” Sadly, they’re still better than the alternatives.
GLAAD AWARDS COMPETITION GETS GAYER! PROBABLY NOT LESBIANER. LGBT media companies like Logo and here! will now be allowed to submit their shows for consideration for the annual GLAAD Media Awards; previously the competition was limited to shows and movies produced by mainstream media companies only.
What does that mean for AfterEllen.com readers? Pretty much nothing, since lesbian shows and movies never actually win any of the GLAAD awards anyway. Now we just have a bigger pool of gay male shows to lose out to.
VERONICA MARS‘ MAC AND LILY FIND LOVE ON BIG LOVE? A number of readers have let me know this week about the relationship between Heather (Tina Majorino) and Sarah (Amanda Seyfried) on HBO’s polygamy drama Big Love. I haven’t seen much of the show myself, but from what I’ve read, the friendship between the two girls has been laced with sexual undertones for awhile now, although it may be more a case of unrequited love on Heather’s part. If something romantic is going to develop between the two, it better happen soon, since there are only two episodes left in the second season.
Here are a few photos of the happy couple: Now if only they’d cast Kristen Bell as the mysterious new girl who moves into the neighborhood and creates a Big Love triangle …
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Ellen is filming a variety show special for TBS which will air Nov. 18, and the first guest on her talk show this season will be Hillary Clinton.
Adaptations of two more Sarah Waters novels, The Night Watch and Affinity, will be broadcast on British television next year.
After nine episodes, Girltrash is on hiatus. We’ll let you know when there’s a return date.
In case you missed it, we launched a new South of Nowhere video blog hosted this week by Karman Kregloe and Jill Bennett that has now officially been named We’re Getting Nowhere (first suggested by Lanna J – thanks Lanna!). Look for new episodes of the vlog every Tuesday. (You can now find the link to this and other video blogs in a new “Video” section listed in the menu above the search box on the left.)
In Saturday morning’s edition of She Made Me Watch This!, Lori and I will provide our own mini-review of South of Nowhere so far this season, along with our take on this week’s episodes of Damages, The Closer and The Best Years, plus a review of the pilot for Lipstick Jungle (aka Most. Annoying. Pilot. Ever.). Then on Sunday in our second vlog segment – a Michelle Pfeiffer retrospective! Because she ain’t no one’s trophy.
That’s it for this week! Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.
