“Chicago Fire” recap (2.21): “Lesbian hoodlum”

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Boden is in his office watching a video on childbirth and smiling like a fool. Mills walks in and mistakes the sounds of labor agony for the sound of porn. Boden can’t get the sound to turn off and Mills asks if he should shut the blinds on his way out. Awkward.

Dawson is down in the equipment room practicing putting on her gear for the test. Casey walks in and she starts feeling him up. Really, Dawson? He’s up for it but it turns out she’s just trying to convince him to pretend to be a dummy so she can drag him across the floor.  He’s offended but will henceforth be known as “Dummy Weight.” Well, it’s not the worst idea. Everyone calls him Dummy, she probably figures it’s better to do it to his face.

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He tells her about Welch being tough. Casey, the word you are looking for is “sexist jerk.” Dawson can handle tough. Before they can finish the conversation they get called out to a boat accident. Scuba Severide hops in the water with Newguy and they work to free a man trapped in the water. Meanwhile, Herrmann and Mouch find the captain slumped over, drunk as a skunk. Maybe that river booze cruise isn’t such a hot idea after all, Casey.

Back at the house, Shay is making a PB&J when Severide walks in (I assume that between the PB&J and the booze cruise, this show is paying homage to Jim and Pam). He’s worried she’s going to make a stupid decision about Devon. She promises she’s not still carrying a torch for Devon. He’s a sweet lezbro but honestly, these two are definitely the two blind mice when it comes to dates. Speaking of girls she is carrying a torches for, she hurries off to help Dawson run an errand.

A couple of Gryffindor’s walk into the Slytherin common room and the reception is icy. They can’t even bear to look at Dawson and Shay since they are committing the crime of talking while female. Welch tells Dawson that their last experience with a girl firefighter was “less than positive.” Shay, god love her, says, “Well we’re going to start out periods. Tampons, vagina, cervix, Midol.” And then Janis Ian’s her way out the door. Shay, I have a big lesbian crush on you.

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Dawson is a classy lady so she walks back and tells Welch that if she pases and ends up in the house she hopes she’ll change his mind. Mostly, I hope she knees him in the junk.

Back at 51, Herrmann is all wound up about everyone loving Newkid. The guys give him crap before they go and Otis wanders over to wear Shay and Severide are bickering about Devon. Severide is yelling that Devon is trying to play Shay and Shay says all she wants is to get back what Devon took from all of them. Otis calls Devon a “hoodlum” which cements his spot as the grandpappy of the firehouse and says the only way anything can be right is if he gets his dopey helmet back. Nobody asked you Brian!

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Shay is sitting at Molly’s waiting for Devon to show up while Dawson looks exactly like a lesbian dreamboat. Holy hell, lady. Anyway, Shay is lamenting the fact that she let a hoodlum back into her life and acknowledges she’s an idiot. Dawson points out that it’s her big thumping hear that they all love so much about her, and then gives her a wink. Shawson shippers, are you all okay?

Devon walks in and gives back to Shay Otis’ dork helmet and a wad of cash. She says she needed bail for her pop and stole all their stuff to get it. She swears on Dawson’s shoulders that she will get all the money back. I hope you know what you’re doing, Devon because those shoulders are holy.

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