“Glee” recap (5.19): Puppy Love

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Aimless and frustrated, Kurt shows up at the retirement home just in time to see the show’s original Peter Pan meet her demise. The retirement home is chock full of guest stars like Billy Dee Williams and Tim Conway, and Maggie is their Queen Bee. Kurt volunteers to play Peter Pan, but since the role is written vocally for a woman, they make him audition. Don’t worry, he’s got this. He never leaves home without his sheet music. You never know when you might stumble upon an American Idol or cruise ship audition. He blows them away with “Memory” from Cats. You could almost see the giant tire descend from the ceiling. In hindsight, singing a song about approaching end of your life, is probably a poor choice for a retirement home. Maggie and the other residents join in, and Kurt snags the part.

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Sam gets a dog after all, and names the mutt McConaughey. Unfortunately, he neglects to tell Mercedes about it and she comes home to find the house a mess and a ball of fluff sitting in her living room. Artie, who is there playing video games, blames Sarah McLachlan. Don’t we all? I have a mild panic attack now anytime I hear “Angel.” Mercedes slips into a motherly role a little too easily, chastising Sam for bringing the dog home and insinuating he wouldn’t be able to care for him. After some protestations, she agrees to a trial run. That is until McConaughey eats her high heels and hair extensions. She insists that the pup get the boot.

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Just like Santana masterminded, Rachel is posed with a pack of dogs for a “leisurely” stroll. Blaine and Artie act as plants and stir up the paparazzi. All is going swimmingly until the dogs spy a delicious sandwich down the block and take off after it, with Rachel in tow. She goes ass over teakettle and is dragged down the street.

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It was a disaster, but the kind of disaster that gets press. Santana is pleased and everyone was wearing their underwear so, it’s all good. Santana is kind of fantastic at this. Kurt comes in all excited about Peter Pan, but the girls don’t share his enthusiasm. He invites them to the shown but since it’s on the same day as Broadway Bitches, they decline. Kurt has had just about enough and reminds Rachel that he has saved her ass on more than one occasion.  He calls her out for being selfish and storms off. They won’t have Kurt Hummel to kick around anymore.

Sam is desperate to keep McConaughey, so he and Artie go on a covert training mission to rehabilitate his bad behaviors. They sing Warron Zevon’s “Werewolves of London” at the dog park. Somehow it ends up being sweet and bromantic, and Artie gets a chance to wail. There is something about watching two men wash a dog that kind of turns a person’s heart to jelly.

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