“South of Nowhere” Recaps: Episode 2.2 “Behind the Music”


King High—Spencer and Aiden are walking around together between classes. (Although I’ll bet if she knew Aiden recently had Ashley pinned on her back in his bed, these two wouldn’t be so chummy.)

Spencer: You know what next Friday the 21st is, right?

Aiden: The day after the 20th? Day after the 22nd? Its Ashley’s birthday, I know.

Spencer: After everything she’s been through, I think we should make this one special.

Yes, because Bratty McBratt needs to be just a little more indulged. I know she’s had a rough patch, but it’s been a big week for Spencer too. She officially gone gay, remember?

Aiden: A trip to Vegas?

Spencer: I’m thinking a surprise party at Gray.

Aiden goes into a trance. Or maybe he’s still working on that calendar math.

When Spencer asks what gives, he smiles dreamily and says, “Just picturing how much better it would be if we went to Vegas.”

Yeah, me too. Only in my version, I’m up $200 at Blackjack, I have tickets to see Stevie Nicks at Caesars, and Aiden is nowhere to be found.

Spencer: Ok, whatever you’re picturing in your head is never gonna happen.

Aiden: I know, that’s why I’m milking the moment.

She gives him a playful sock in the arm and squawks, “You’re so weird!”

Spencer acts like it’s the first time she’s ever seen some straight guy use lesbians as his porn.

Ashley bops over to join them, and she’s wearing a glittery tank-top contraption that looks like it fell out of the trunk at Cher’s Farewell (yeah, right) Tour.

Ashley wants to know if they’ve been talking about her, and she’s happy to learn that they have. She’s way more relaxed about having her old and new squeezes talking about her than I would be. Actually, I think she’s just distracted because she’s trying to track down the film crew from VH1.

Ashley: They’re supposed to be doing some special “In Memoriam” thing on my Dad. My mom signed some release, so they could follow me around—see what the life of “Rafe Davies’ daughter” is all about. I’m sure she’s getting money out of it somehow.

She’s tossing her head about in mock disdain, but Ashley is perfectly coiffed and oh so ready for her paparazzi. You’d think the daughter of a rock star (and one with musical aspirations of her own) would be a little more openly excited about a visit from the good people at Behind the Music.

Kyla suddenly appears and she’s pissed. She shouts at Ashey, “You left me at home!”

Is she really surprised?

Ashley: Sorry. I keep forgetting that I have a sister. Weird, huh?

Aiden sniffs fresh meat and zeroes in on Kyla.

Aiden: If she ever forgets you again you can always call me.

Ashley: Excuse me?!?!

Um hellooo, Ashley. Take a good, long look at the dewy blonde to your left. Who cares about Aiden’s carpooling schedule? You got the girl, so don’t be such a donkey!

Some VH1 dude with a camera strolls over to them, and Ashley takes an “I’d like to thank the little people” tone when she introduces herself. But the Camera Dude (no relation to “The Dude”) hones in on Kyla instead.

He asks her, “Hey, you’re Kyla Woods, right? How does it feel to find out that you’re the secret daughter of Rafe Davies?”

Camera Dude zooms in on Kyla, who is horrified. Unlike Ashley, she is not ready for her paparazzi, and she’s not even wearing anything sparkly.

The look on Ashley’s face is priceless. I think this whole mess between Ash and Kyla is dangerously close to devolving into the King High School production of The Mirror Crack’d (with Ashley as Elizabeth Taylor, natch.)

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