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“The Returned” recap (1.6): Pied Piper of Zombies

We return to The Returned (see what I did there?) one year in the past. Lucy arrives in town and her first stop is The Lake Pub to gain some employment. Definitely a better option than The American Diner. 1. There is booze and 2. There is no uniform required.

Jerome sits at the bar drinking shots of Triple Sec, which is just plain disgusting. As Toni offers Lucy a waitressing gig, Claire arrives to pick up her drunk husband. Sensing the discomfort, Toni tells Lucy how the couple lost their child and the town is a great place if you love tragedy. Awww, he should make that into a quaint postcard available for purchase at the pub. A nice little token to remember the saddest vacation ever. Later that night, Lucy returns with Jerome and they head to the back room in the pub. They drink to loosen their inhibitions and Jerome’s belt. During their foreplay-less sex, Lucy tells Jerome she sees Camille’s spirit. She wants him to know she loves her family and her death is not their fault. If this is how all clairvoyants operated, Long Island Medium would be a much more interesting show.

At the dam, one of the workers is getting ready to hightail it now that the power plant is officially flooded and the town has gone dark. He argues with his co-worker to cut his losses and leave as well since nothing can be done. Seems like a great attitude to have when you’re in charge of a town’s entire power grid, as well as a structure that holds back mass quantities of water.

Frederic and his buddy decide to do a little night time digging at the graveyard to check on Camille. They crack open the coffin to reveal a lot of water but no corpse. All the loud talking, flashlights and crowbar usage alerted security somehow and they are caught in the act.

Cut to Camille looking forlorn as usual. She is introduced to the support group as they meet in her living room and everyone justifiably freaks out a bit, especially Sandrine. She is pissed that her daughter did not come back as well and wants Camille to explain why she was chosen. After being berated, Camille runs upstairs. Great job, Sandrine, now she is doubly forlorn. Pierre decides to give Camille a truth smackdown. He tells her to stop her little pity party and use her situation to help people. I think she should write a self help book, maybe call it Undead Words of Wisdom. Next step, zombie book tour!

Simon arrives at the morgue and we are unfortunately treated to a gratuitously long shot of his twigs and berries. Thomas asks if he is dead and the medical examiner looks at him like he is a moron. He tells the doctor to notify him if the autopsy turns up anything odd and he is greeted by the same look. He then heads home to make sure Chloe has her story straight for her eventual police questioning. Meanwhile, we are once again treated to more than I ever wanted to see of Simon as he loaded into the freezer. I guess this morgue doesn’t have a sheet budget.

An enamored Alcide visits Lucy at the hospital. With just a touch of his hand she knows his name and that he had been watching over her. At the same time, Julie prepares a bath for Victor. She leaves and he pulls back his sleeve to reveal a rather gnarly wound that is akin to a Krokodil user. If he is starting to rot away then the others must be next.

At the police station when Thomas questions Frederic and his cohort, he learns that Simon isn’t the only one who got a second chance at life. The subject of their discussion, Camille, decides her purpose is to fabricate stories about her death to placate everyone. White light, figures of her dead bus mates…the usual. In an attempt to connect with Sandrine, she throws out that her daughter called out to her. The bitter look on Sandrine’s face lets Camille know she is dealing with a tough crowd.

Victor tells Julie that she is the fairy that is supposed to protect him until his Mom returns. She lets him know that she couldn’t possibly be a fairy, because they wear pretty dresses and have magic wands. Don’t stereotype, girl. Fairies can wear plaid shirts and tank tops and we all have a magic wand or two lying around the house. Time passes and a guest arrives. Guess who? It’s Laure. She is just checking on everyone since the power went out and has no ulterior motives. By the way, she totally wouldn’t have a problem if Julie wanted to stay at her place. It just makes sense. She has a fireplace and supplies, like wine and silk sheets. Julie tells her to get stepping and on her way out, Laure informs her that they may have caught and killed her attacker.

Jerome shows up unannounced at Claire’s and yells at her for letting Pierre share Camille’s true identity with the group and calls him a fraud. Just then Thomas comes looking for Alice, she needs to come down to the station and bring identification. I bet Pierre runs with a crowd that can falsify some documents rather quickly.

Alcide is snuggled up to Lucy as they try to put together a sketch of her attacker on his laptop. The results are pretty damn close to Serge with the exception of slightly feminine lips.Back at the farm, Lena wakes up and takes a look around while Serge finds her some clothes. When she happens upon a creepy taxidermy room, he quickly enters to let her know it is Toni’s hobby and not his. No need for concern. As Lena changes into clothes from his mother’s closet, Serge turns and plays with one of the many knives lined up on the table. Time to thank the man for his hospitality and run as fast as you can.

Toni wakes up from his alcohol induced nap at the bar to see who is knocking. As I type this I realize a lot of this show’s scenes start with knocking. Just an observation. Any way, it is Bruno checking to see why The Lake Pub hasn’t opened yet. There are only two eating establishments in this town so it is a major cause for concern. Bruno provides him with the sketch of his brother and Toni denies recognizing the suspect and goes back to downing whiskey.

Camille, Claire and Jerome hunker down at the Helping Hand shelter to keep Camille safe. Meanwhile, Toni drunk drives to the farm and apologizes mistakenly to Lena for killing Serge through the locked front door. After that revelation, she listens to Toni and Serge discuss the police manhunt before Toni walks off with a rifle to protect everyone. True to almost every woman in danger onscreen she runs up instead of out. Serge finds her in the attic and Lena confronts him with a knife. Instead of stabbing him and escaping, she gives up the knife and decides its cool to have sex with him. With all the poor decisions she makes it is amazing that she is the “living” twin.

As Julie sits Victor down for a meal, Pierre arrives to protect them. Despite his warnings, Julie does what she does best and shuts the door in his face. She tells Victor to pack up and heads to her room to do the same.

Adele asks her daughter if she would like to play a game to pass the time and Chloe suggests Truth or Dare. Well played, little girl. After getting no clear answers about Simon’s suicide, Chloe suggests asking him why he did it if he comes back again. Cue Simon, kicking his way out of the morgue freezer. At the same time, Lucy rises from her bed with a knowing look. Simon steals some clothes from a nearby locker and comes upon Lucy in the hospitals halls. As the lights flicker, she calls out to him to come with her. Without questioning, he takes her hand and they walk off like she is the Pied Piper of the undead.

Bruno and Michael show up at The American Diner and it looks like Amanda Byne’s hotel room at The Ritz. They talk to the owner about the place being ransacked for food then show him the police sketch. He immediately tells them it is Toni’s brother who has a few screws loose, but he hasn’t heard about him in 10 years.

At the end of this episode, Camille continues her good will work with another school mate’s parents and tells them he is waiting for them on the other side. Sandrine watches on with a look that says, “Oh no she isn’t.” Laure arrives home to find Victor and Julie inside. Which means Julie kept the key, that is promising. Laure gives Julie the bad news that they in fact did not catch her attacker, while Victor looks out the window and sees Chloe playing outside.

Toni decides it is a good idea to pull his rifle on the police and shoots Michael in the leg. As Bruno and Michael retreat, Serge allows Lena to take off for her own safety. I wonder what it is about her that stops his primal urges.

Back at The Lake Pub, Lucy strips out of her hospital garb while talking to Simon. She tells him she is his guardian angel then promptly mounts him.

Thomas calls Adele to tell her about Simon’s breakout. She quickly locks all the windows and doors except for one that Chloe reopens. As Lucy and Simon have sex she tells him she can see his suicide. During quick cuts we see someone hanging themselves with bed sheets only to reveal it is the parents Camille talked with earlier. They took her too literally and hung themselves to see their son sooner than planned.

Lena is still running through the wilderness and as night falls she comes upon a group of shadowy figures lit by a bonfire. Maybe there are more violent criminals down there she can have sex with. Only time will tell.

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