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“Lost Girl” recap (4.1): Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Bo

New season, new drama, new relationships, new hair. OK, wait. Sorry. I really want to start this recap but that hair, that hair! OK, sorry. Pulling it together. Be professional. Rise above it. Proceed.

OK, so what is happening? But, really, what is happening? Kenzi is Scooby Dooing her way through a warehouse and her hands are sparkling like the Fourth of July. Did I miss a memo or did she way overbuy at the fireworks stand this summer?

Kenzi’s sleuthing gets her up-close-and-personal with a mysterious crate which is so Raiders, but hopefully with “less Nazi face melting goodness.” Kenzi, girl, sit closer to me—I’ve missed you so much. Before she can open it she gets caught by some henchman from the Una Mens, which sounds like a terrible exclusively male fitness center.

Just as she’s about to be turned into a Fae amuse bouche, Dyson and Hale come in to say she’s not the droid they’re looking for. And Kenzi pipes up that she’s not a droid at all. Because droids/humans can’t shoot fireworks out of their bodies, unless they’re Katy Perry and her sparklerboobs.

Though it seems Kenzi might doubt her own commitment to Sparkle Motion as she covertly blows on her hot little hands after the pyrotechniques display. Still the stunt satisfies the dude in the trenchcoat so mission accomplished.

Hale and Dyson drag our Kenzi-in-Fae-Sparklers away and tell her to stop getting herself almost killed/eaten/impersonated by a demon Fae. The disguise is necessary though because Kenzi is still a terrorist and if she isn’t with the Fae she’s against them or some such George W. Bushism. Hale’s just worried because he doesn’t want anything to happen to the girl who smells like sunflowers and Chardonnay.

Dyson brings Kenzi home and, hey, is Kenzi wearing Bo’s kimono. And, whoa, is Kenzi wearing all those thongs. And, sweet merciful Zeus, is Kenzi making out with The Wolf? I’m so confused. Is this the right show? I’m not necessarily against it, but I’m going to need a minute to realign my worldview. Dammit, now I’m going to have to Google their shipper name.

Kenzi and Dyson seem a little confused themselves about their relationship status what with Hale being so obviously gaga (in love, not in wearing a meat dress) over her and everything. Their processing (even without any gay ladies on screen yet, there’s so much processing) is interrupted by a knock at the door. Will you look at that, it’s Bo’s crazy mom, Aife. You remember Bo’s crazy mom, right? Wrong. Kenzi remembers she made “Ash who talks like Batman go boom,” but not the key mommy dearest part.

Aife asks them for help, but they’re reluctant even after a little love touch. She says she needs to find her daughter, Bo. Finally, someone talking some sense. But instead she gets blank stares and Kenzi declares it, “kind of a dude’s name, amirite?”

Right, so now the not making sense makes sense. No one remembers Bo. Not Kenzi, not Dyson, not Hale, not even really her mama. But she at least remembers that she forgot. She shows them a dark spot in her eye, which is a sign of some expertly excised memories.

Aife shows them a picture of this “Bo” and Dyson gets all Duran Duran on it (hungry like the…oh, never mind). Kenzi gets jealous but then interested when Aife says she’ll pay them for the job. Dyson leaves mid-assignment because his timer goes off and he has to search for Tamsin at the same time every day. Apparently she went poof after driving them off a cliff a month ago and the only way Dyson survived was by shifting. So that’s where Tamsin isn’t.

As they get ready to leave Aife says she’ll handle the bill. She whammies the waitress with her love touch in a nice callback to Season 1 when Bo whammied what I believe was the exact same waitress with her love touch. Like mother like daughter. Kenzi has a flashback to Bo doing just that and we’re finally starting to get somewhere.

Kenzi goes to hang out with Trick and we get some needed exposition. Like who the heck are these Una Mens. No, it’s not a male dance revue, it’s a near omniscient council of Fae authorities whose sole purpose is to ensure the old laws are followed. We’d probably know this already if the webisodes weren’t geoblocked on the Showcase site. Ahem.

Kenzi also asks The Question: Dude, where is Lauren? Trick reminds her that Lauren abandoned the Light Fae. And Kenzi reminds him she saved Dyson’s life. And I want to remind everyone that she’s one half of Doccubus. But alas, everyone has The Big Erase, they just don’t know it yet. Trick says, “It’s always been difficult to know what makes Dr. Lewis tick.” Um, hello—science and Bo. Pretty simple, really.

Kenzi says even though Lauren is awkward and formal and shy, she’s the only other human ally she’s got. Also there’s some nice continuity about her losing Nadia, so take that Glee. Trick assures her people are looking for her and no one feels assured. We feel even less assured because Trick plops a stack of stuff on top of the one clue they’ve got, the tarot card with Bo and The Wanderer.

Dyson and Kenzi (it’s Denzi, really?) go to see an optometrist Fae who specializes in feasting on memories and referring to himself in the third person. He compliments them on the excellent mind erasing work they’ve had done, and they’re all like, this old thing, forget about it! Kidding. They’re disturbed as they should be. I mean, Kenzi could be famous. Honey, you and those ice blues are way better than the Kardashians already. Canola oil eyes or not. No worries.

Trick tells them they need the Ricardo Montalban Compass to undo the memory loss. I dunno, that’s what I heard and it’s too hard to look up all these spellings sometimes. I’m but one tiny human without sparklerhands. It was supposedly lost at sea, but a rich Fae collector who likes to say “Oh my” has it instead. As luck would have it he’s throwing one last big bash before the Una Mens comes in to take over.

Before Kenzi jets Trick has her perform the ceremonial emptying of her bag. Even with her memory wiped she remembers the five-finger discount. While returning the “borrowed” items he finds the photo of Bo and it makes his veins go all, “Dude, that’s your granddaughter.” Does no one check their eyes? I think I’d notice a big black spot like that immediately, but then I’m a contact wearer.

Another sight for sore eyes is Vex. Yes, Vexy is back! And he’s the new Morrigan. Because the old Morrigan is dead, maybe. Perhaps. We’re not sure but probably not, because why would you waste Emmanuelle Vaugier like that?

Vex is berating his seamstress for her “asexual hobo” chic which only makes us love him more. Though forcing her to burn her own face with the iron is less endearing. Dyson busts in looking for tickets to The Collector’s ball. Hey, is he related to the dude at the end of Thor: The Dark World? Marmaduke (p.s. using that nickname forever, thanks, Vex) sniffs out that the rumors of Evony’s demise—on the toilet, no less—were greatly exaggerated. So Vex hands over the tickets in exchange for his silence. Oh, and don’t think I missed that little quip about Dyson being into balls. I see what you did there, Vexy.

Kenz is having trouble picking what toe cleavage to go with what actual cleavage to the ball. She gives her not-so bestie Lauren a call for color blocking and science help. I love how, even without realizing it, she’s the surrogate for Bo’s worry about Lauren. Even in another dimension/stuck in a Tarot card world, Bo’s concern for her doctor shines through.

Just then a sleazy Mossimo shows up with more of Kenzi’s sparkle cream. If you thought the testing they did on animals was bad, this stuff comes straight from the genitals of a sprite. Call S&M PETA. He hassles her about not paying for her last doses and makes some less-than-vague innuendos about other ways to pay.

Meanwhile at the ball, Hale is waiting for his girl to arrive. They both ogle a hottie at the bar who turns out to be the Kenz. Dyson then hassles her about not having the “killer kiss” to catch The Collector’s eye and get the compass. Poor girl, her transition from sidekick to Main Squeeze has been a little bumpy.

Kenzi pulls Hale off to the dance floor to show off her skillset at seducing rich dorks leaving Dyson at the bar. And who else should belly up but Jenny FREAKING Schecter. Yes, as promised, Mia Kirshner is guest starring this season and she’s apparently a nymph with an eye for The Wolf.

He blows her off because of bad tequila-soaked nymph experiences in the past. Dyson, I like you enough to say, run! Run don’t walk! Otherwise you could wind up floating face down in a pool for no apparent reason. Or writing and then stealing your own movie. Or adopting a shelter dog on the verge of death to seduce the vet girlfriend of the writer who wrote a bad review about your book. Or whatever the hell circus freak dystopian nightmare things Jenny did in that second season. Like I was saying, RUN!

Before we can relive all the full-tilt boogie insanity that was Jenny, Kenzi and Hale go all Dancing With the Fae. But Hale is more Baby before her secret Dirty Dancing lessons with Johnny than after. So the Big D (sorry, so sorry—never using that nickname again) steps in for him. What follows is fun and flashy and makes full use of Ksenia Solo‘s background in dance. So bendy.

It’s also a little homoerotic. Damn, now I also have to Google Dyson and Hale’s ship name.

The performance earns Kenzi the final rose and a chance to meet The Collector in all his pirate booty and stuffed unicorn hoarding glory. Lions and tigers and oh my, it’s George Takei!

Well, half of George Takei. The other half is a ginormous snake body, hence the slithering. Kenzi does her due diligence and calls him every snake nickname in the book (Slytherin, Cobra Commander). The Collector tells her to stop passing out on cheese doodles and vodka with her makeup on. Really, I think I could watch these two go at it for another episode at least. But he grants her her wish for the Ricky Martin Compass even though he calls it shallow. And even though he knows she’s a vulnerable little human that’s perfect midnight snack sized.

Meanwhile, back in the ballroom Vex arrives in his best Haus of Gaga (yes, this time the meat dress kind) knockoff. I appreciate a fella with flourish. He goes on about wanting The Wolf. I’m not entirely sure why he’s going about it in such a public way, but I do love his shoes.

You see, Vex figured out their collective memory loss ages ago. And he’s not keen to remember a world where he isn’t in power. So instead of letting that happen he wants to stop Kenzi & Company. This leads to a lot of macho/androgynous male posturing. Then Hale steps in and it’s a Siren-Mesmer off. But Hale gets the upper hand with the diabolical deployment of Evanescence music. Could be worse, coulda gone Nickelback.

Dyson rushes in and spears the collector before he can make a Scooby snack of our Kenz. Then it’s time to align the Rorschach Test Compass to the True North and get their grooves back. But first, Dyson does some exception transference of his Bo feelings onto Kenzi. I mean, I think he’d probably also give his life for Kenzi, but we all know who he really means. He wonders if this is as good as it gets and they should just let it be. But our little Kenzi knows her heart hurts and she doesn’t know why. Well we do, it’s that Bo-shaped hole in it.

So North goes the arrow and boom goes their memories. Everyone is appropriately appalled they forgot about Bo. Though perhaps none more than poor Trick who suffered from a spectacularly poor timing in his choice of family reunions. He goes to see Aife, just as they realize she hates him and wants him dead. Even unluckier still, she carries a big-ass knife in her purse.

Then there’s some gross black stuff that comes oozing out of the Una Mens Ark trunk, which is also unsettling.

But perhaps most distressed is a red-haired waitress named Amber. She stops in the middle of setting the table for yet another chicken and mashed potatoes dinner and remembers. Bo. The tragedy of what they’d done to Zoie Palmer‘s hair shall go without saying. Just repeat after me: It’s a wig. It’s a wig. It’s a wig. It’s a wig.

Though I must say I like how when blonde-haired heroines need to escape their supernatural worlds of chaos and constant apocalypse, they retreat to the comfortable anonymity of waiting tables in pink gingham-accented tops with names that start with “A.”

Just then, as Lauren utters her name, Bo—wherever she is—opens her eyes and they blaze blue. Oh, honey, this is going to be one hell of a season.

KENZISM OF THE WEEK:

When you supersize the Kenzi in an episode, you supersize the Kenzism.

Dyson: This woman is beautiful. Kenzi: Yeah, if you’re into, like, faces and bodies. Whatever.
BOOBS O’CLOCK OF THE WEEK:

No Bo, no problem. Kenzi can more than save the day. Plus some bonus arm cleavage for your enjoyment.

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