50 awards “Orphan Black” star Tatiana Maslany should win
The 2014 People’s Choice Award nominees were announced this morning and you’ll be happy to hear that plenty of AfterEllen-approved favorites made the list. Jane Lynch is nominated for Best Comedic TV Actress. Glee, Chicago Fire, The Good Wife, Pretty Little Liars, True Blood, White Collar, Once Upon a Time, American Horror Story, Orange Is the New Black, and The Voice are all nominated for best TV series awards in their individual categories. Rachel and Santana (Glee), Meredith and Cristina (Grey’s), Caroline and Max (2 Broke Girls), and Lily and Robin (How I Met Your Mother) are all nominated for Best Gal Pals. Ellen DeGeneres is nominated for Best Daytime TV Host.
But what I want to talk about is Tatiana Maslany. After being snubbed by the Emmys for her incomparable performances during the first season of Orphan Black, she is nominated for a People’s Choice Award for Favorite Sci-Fi/Fantasy TV Actress. Sure, she also won a Critics’ Choice Television Award and a TCA Award, but that Emmy omission still stings, not only because she deserved that particular golden trophy, but also because she may be the only person on the planet who actually does deserve ALL THE AWARDS. So, before 2014 Awards Season kicks off with bang, let us close out 2013 by contemplating the 50 awards Tatiana Maslany should win.
(Thanks to Valerie Anne and Elaine Atwell for helping me narrow down the categories!) 1. The Best Hand-Talker Award
2. The Most Eloquent Queer Theory-Talker Award
3. The Most Heart-Wrenching Angry Face Award
4. The Best Fake Accents Award (Sorry, Bennedict Cumberbatch)
5. The You Wear That Hat Even Better than Santana Lopez Award
6. The Cleanliness is Next to Godliness Award for Being Godlike
7. The Best Face Award
8. The Best Slow-Motion Face Award
9. The We Wish We Could Kiss Your Face Award
10. The Best Jello-Eater Award
11. The Most Delightful Beatboxer Award
12. The Best Acceptance Speech Award
13. The AfterEllen Hot 100 #1 Hottie Award
14. Screen Actors Guild Award for Best Actress in a Drama
15. The Best Portrayal of Every Hogwarts House in One Scene Award
16. The Canadians Continue to Do It Better Award for Doing It Better than America
17. The “Oh, shit” Award for Having Us at “Oh, Shit”
18. The Internet Has Never Been More Outraged on Another Person’s Behalf Award
19. The How Is It Possible to Be Cuter than Emily Fields Peeking Around a Corner Award
20. The Best Glasses Award
21. The Awesome LGBT Ally Award 22. The How Can Just Teeth be That Sexy Award
23. The Best AfterEllen Name-Check of 2013 (Even Better than When Naya Rivera Said It on Glee) Award
24. The We Agree Cosima’s the Hottest Clone Award for Agreeing With Us that Cosima is the Hottest Clone
25. The Most Likely to Spot Someone Cosplaying Her Playing Helena Playing Beth Award
26. The Hardest Working Actress in Hollywood Award
27. The Thanks for Making Alcohol Even Better Award
28. The Best Villain Award
29. The Best Hero Award
30. The Most Shocking Season Finale Moment Award
31. The Best Hugger of Herself Award
32. The Only Person Who Ever Made Us Care About Deoxyribonucleic Acid Award
33. The We’d Trade 100 Episodes of Glee for 1 Episode of Your Show Award
34. The Best Use of Craft Supplies Award 35. The Best Kisser Award
36. The Best Air-Kisser Award
37. The Most Kick-Ass Actress at the Most Kick-Ass Actress Panel at Comic-Con Award
38. The You’re a Saint For Letting People Call You Tit-iana Award
39. Best Actress in a Drama Emmy Award
40. Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Emmy Award (same year, obviously)
41. The Best Canadian in a Leather Jacket Award (Sorry, Bo and Lauren and Tamsin and Kenzi)
42. The It’s Totally Understandable That You’d Be in Love with Yourself Award 42. The Maybe You’re “A” and That’s OK Award
43. The You Cry, We Cry Award
44. The You Smoke Pot Even More Adorably than Peggy Olson Award
45. Golden Globe Award for Best Actress in a Drama
46. The Sun Wishes It was as Bright as Your Smile Award
47. The Sweatin’ to the Oldies like a Champ Award
48. The Best One-Woman Party Award
49. The Please Don’t Let Your Lesbian Character Die Next Season Award
50. The Only Human More Adorable than a Puppy Award