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Paige McCullers’ 20 most McCullers moments on “Pretty Little Liars”

Ah, Paige McCullers (Lindsey Shaw), the personification of practical perfection in a wasteland of one-dimensional supporting lesbian characters. Over the course of four seasons on Pretty Little Liars she has grown from an insecure, aggressive, slightly terrifying competitor with self-destructive homophobic tendencies to a confident, assertive, slightly terrifying competitor just riding her rainbow chopper down Main Street with her girlfriend wrapped around her. So in honor of tonight’s Pretty Little Hoedown, we are counting down Paige McCullers’ 20 most McCullers moments. 20. Those bangs

You know when she went to the salon for that haircut, she was just like, “Whatever thing you can do to make me look the most severe, do that. Like how you would cut a girl’s hair if she had a hockey penalty named after her.” 19. Baptizing Emily Fields

“I baptize you in the name of heterosexuality, gold medals, and not wanting to kiss your face! Buried with Alison DiLaurentis in baptism and raised to walk in my shadow for always!” 18. Making the move at the exact wrong time

Like when Maya was getting murdered in her own backyard. 17. Karaoke is for lovers

Paige McCullers is a paradox. So of course season one Paige would totally take you on the best date ever – in the middle of the woods in the middle of the night so no one would see you there together. 16. Channeling Katniss Everdeen

If you’re going to threaten to kill anyone who hurts your girlfriend in the Hunger Games that are her every day life, you might as well dress the part.

15. Saving Spencer Hastings

And following up the rescue by acting like all she did was bring her a glass of lemonade: “My pleasure.” 14. Cutting the sleeves out of her unicorn t-shirt

It’s a conversation starter: “Sara says Tegan just found out unicorns don’t exist. She says Tegan thought they were just extinct!” 13. Snagging a swimming scholarship to Stanford… 12. …and planning a whole U-Haul life around it.

Puffy drapes included! 11. Cracking a mannequin hand in half

While trying to convince the Liars she was harmless.

10. Looking Away

Because she couldn’t believe Emily was really choosing her. 9. Getting trapped in a roofie loop

Sometimes you’re the drugger, sometimes you’re the drugee. Sometimes you’re a time-traveling grave-robber who likes waffles and making out. 8. Biking In the Rain

Paige McCullers doesn’t feel like her apology is legit unless she suffers a near-lightning strike as punishment for her offense. 7. Loving Emily from the moment she saw her

And being bullied into thinking it was something to be ashamed of. 6. Wishing she’d taken woodshop

Like a regular old Jennifer “Moze” Mosely.

5. That belt buckle

Oh, Emily’s going to pretend to be asleep when they have a night to themselves? That’s how it’s going to be? OK, well here you go, Fields, have a cowgirl costume. 4. Murdering Samara

NO ONE TOUCHES EMILY’S EARS. (Just kidding; there’s only an 85 percent chance Paige murdered Samara.) 3. Coconut cupcake treasure hunts

Not just any kind of red velvet cupcake with old-penny icing will do when you’re Paige McCullers! 2. Punishing trash cans

And imagining they’re the face of your girlfriend’s dead girlfriend’s fake cousin. 1. Saying out loud, “I’m gay.”

And changing the whole world.

What’s your favorite McCullers moment on Pretty Little Liars?

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