“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.07): Who let the beards out?


Maura then allows herself to be seen driving with Jane in the Can’O Espress’O Mobile, which is her way of saying “I love you.” At the scene they discover Teacher Creeper’s love shed. It’s filled with random driver’s ed stuff and leftover bodily fluids. There isn’t enough ewwww in the world. They also find a basket Teacher Creeper used to collect all driver’s ed students phones before class. So he had access to coma girl’s phone to send that email. See, told you teenagers don’t use email.

Back in the office Maura has left Jane in the café this time, with instruction to ice her ankle. Admit it, watching the Alpha Femme boss around the Alpha Butch is pretty hot. Too bad Angie Harmon was hobbled in real-life (she broke her ankle back in April) so they couldn’t spend their normal amount of screen time together being the Adorable Bickersons. But Take Charge Maura is certainly helping to fill the void.


Frost has been on coma girl’s social media sites and discovered the bra picture was actually an innocent photo taken at her 16th birthday party to commemorate finally getting her “girls.” Late bloomers. But Teacher Creeper found it on her phone and posted it on a public site to discredit her, as well as emailed it to himself. And for good measure he also gave her a D because she wouldn’t “perform.” That’s it, I’m taking the Can’O car and running over him again in the morgue.


The coma girl attempted suicide because of what he did and her three other BFFS – call them the Pretty Little Nerdy Liars – were all devastated but determined. They also wore matching turquoise friendship bracelets and had a friendship chant that ended, “I would die for you.” A little macabre, but catchy.

The DA wants to know which girl did it. But there’s no evidence to say so the detectives split up the girls to interrogate them. The girls insist on being without their parents or a lawyer. And Korsak says it’ll be like shooting fish in a barrel. Suffer, suffer those who underestimate the little children.


Because the girls all proceed to confess to the murder with the exact same story. He was her hero, he made her love science, then he told her he’d fail her unless she gave him oral sex. So she went to the shed that night to record the encounter so it wouldn’t happen to anyone else. The phone fell out of her pocket and she ran, got in a driver’s ed car and accidentally hit him. Yep, all three of them confess to hitting him. So I guess those fish were actually highly trained dolphins. And you’re the dummies stuck in a barrel.

The DA says she can’t prosecute because only one person can be charged as the driver. Secretly we’re all very pleased at this outcome. Screw secretly. Don’t be a sexual predator who preys on the smartest girls in the class and threatens them with academic ruin unless you receive sexual favors. I’m not condoning murder, I’m just saying karma is a b-b-b-b-b-b-bitch. Well done, Pretty Little Nerdy Liars.


We next see the girls in their coma friend’s hospital room, urging her to wake up. She flutters her eyelids and the triumph of good over evil is complete. Which means only one thing, time for our feel-good gayzzoli moment of the night. Yes, even in an episode filled with dumb boycrazy antics, our gals know there’s only one way to properly end a day. By declaring their unwavering love for one another and saying how beautiful their kind of LLBFF relationship really is.  Jane says she’d come “damn close” to dying for Maura. Which, quite frankly, she’s done already several times. And Maura says she’d do the same. Get a room, you two.


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