“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.07): Who let the beards out?


Just then Jane sees Lt. Det. Rafael “Suave” Martinez running by and tells Maura to get up, get up, get up. Can’t be caught in a compromising position by that dude, that’s for sure. Maura makes some comment about him looking good, which is surely just to get Jane’s adrenaline running as a natural pain reliever. So thoughtful, that one. He asks why Jane isn’t running. Her answer: dehydration. See, this is why it’s always good to keep a bottle of water on your bed stand. No one wants to have to stop the action and go to the kitchen to hydrate.


But Lt. Suave is more interested in Jane’s car than her perfectly sculpted calves in those spandex capris. Right, so is everyone gay on this show? Frankie gives Maura a telling look and asks what’s really wrong with Jane after Suave scampers off. She admits to the injury and he commiserates with Maura about the only way they can get Jane to a hospital – by knocking her out.

Maura gets Jane to at least submit to an in-house X-ray, where she confirms there’s no break. Senior Criminalist Susie Chang comes in all proud with a fashionable new boot – singular – for Jane. Size 9, just like Maura told her to fetch. Do you know the shoe size of any other women in your life other than you girlfriend and possibly your mother? And the latter is only because of hours spent shopping with her and hearing, “Sweetie, do you see this Easy Spirit walker in a size 8.5?”


Maura calmly instructs Susie to hold Jane down. OK, listen. Adding a third is really the sort of thing you discuss beforehand. It’s not something you go into without informing the other parties and having mutual consent. The look on Susie’s face says, “Ladies, I thought I was the cute little sister who was always interrupting you at inopportune times in this scenario. Also, Jane scares the bejesus out of me. Please don’t make me do this. I’m too smart to die young.”


Jane tries to deflect the pain of putting on her new boot by talking about the phony emails she sends Lt. Col. Beard Force. I guess now she’s trying to get Maura’s adrenaline going. Turnabout is fair play, I suppose. Jane tells her the government doesn’t care about her dumb emails to her boyfriend. And Jane says, “He’s not my boyfriend.” She says a little more stuff after that, but really that’s all you need or want to know.

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