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“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 2.12 “Facing Up”

THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:

The green-eyed monster: Nikki is the jealous type. The gentleman: Dominic misreads the signals but knows how to be a friend. The growler: Helen snaps and snarls when provoked.
The pouting shed – Nikki is scowling at something gardeny. She suddenly glances out the open door of the potting shed. Why does she glance? Actually, she doesn’t exactly glance so much as deliberately turn to answer the call of … what, exactly? Can she really hear Helen’s footfalls from there, or is something else making her look? Does Helen’s beauty displace the space-time continuum to such a degree that it causes lovelorn lesbians to turn their heads and gaze? Yeah, I think I know the answer to that one.

Having seen Helen walking toward her, Nikki just turns away. This is definitely the pouting shed. Helen – nice suit! – is not a bit prepared for the arctic reception she gets when she says brightly, “Hi, Nikki.” Nikki breezes past her with the sort of blank “hi” I give my creepy neighbor who takes strange trips in and out of the building at 4-ish every morning.

Like a perky puppy who has no memory of the piddle on the floor and thus fully believes that a good scratch and cuddle is in its immediate future, Helen follows Nikki.

Helen: I spoke to your solicitor last night. She reckons we’ll get the go-ahead this week. Nikki: Great. Helen: I thought you’d be pleased. Nikki: Yeah, well, my appeal’s not exactly big on my mind at the minute. Not since I found out about your date with Dominic. Helen: What’re you talkin’ about?! Nikki: You went out for a curry with him, didn’t you? Helen: So? Nikki: So why didn’t you tell me about it, if that’s all it was? Helen: Probably to avoid a reaction like this. Nikki: Oh, great. Just rams it home to me, doesn’t it? What a huge part of your life I am.
This scene gives me a deeper understanding of the phrase “taken aback.” After Nikki goes all Lesbian Paranoia 101 and hisses the “date with Dominic” line, Helen actually moves her neck and head back. Clearly she is buffeted by the harsh winds that are Nikki’s utter lack of logic. (And yes, I did almost expect Helen to tack “Willis” on the end of the line after that.)

Nikki tries to stomp off, but Helen keeps following, this time more like a pit bull than a trusting puppy.

Helen: I went out to talk about work. If you really must know. Nikki: Did you? Helen: Not that I have to explain what I do to you. Nikki: Fine. Helen: Do you know what? Sod you, Nikki.
The way Helen says “werk” and “dooo to yooo” is adorable. But can you imagine how difficult it would be to have a proper fight in a prison yard? All those cons and screws around keeping you from yelling the way you want to. Still, Helen did manage to say, “Sod you,” and not very quietly. A side note: I was sort of concerned the first time I realized that “sod you” essentially means “sodomize you,” but I’m over it. Now I’m more concerned about Helen’s scary mad face.

Helen – who is not incarcerated and thus can actually make a dramatic exit – clomps away. Nikki seems to immediately regret her brattiness, but not enough to call after her beloved. But that could be the prison thing again. It’s such an instinct-queller.

More romantic discord – Di Barker is flirting with Dominic. She does this by teasing him about his “date” with Helen. Karen starts to play along but then senses that Dom is a nice guy and Di is a nutter.

Karen announces that Jim will be out for a week. You know, out feeling sorry for himself, drinking, being a schlub.

Even more trouble in paradise – Di and Karen confront Shaz and Denny about their recent antics. Shaz is too busy giggling about Renee Williams’ death to pay much attention. She says you can’t help but see the humor in death by peanuts. And I sort of agree with her, but Karen and Denny find Shaz’s attitude disturbing.

A reader recently asked me why I don’t spend much time on Denny and Shaz. I think it’s because they seem so young, so talking about their relationship makes me feel like a dirty old man. Sorta like when I watch South of Nowhere. But with accents.

Karen assigns Shaz to loo-cleaning duty, and Shaz fails to see the humor in that. You could even say she’s startled by it, and you could definitely say Karen’s startled when Jim interrupts. Seems he’s not out for a week after all; he sees no point in sitting around an empty house. Yeah, not when you can sit around Larkhall and harass the inmates.

Helen’s office – I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that I’m ga-ga for Miss Stewart. So my assessments of her activities isn’t exactly objective. But seeerrriously, look at the way she’s writing on that piece of paper. She’s so deliberate; it’s as if it’s the most important thing she’s ever done. And it might be, since she probably hopes it will distract her from her Nikki woes.

There’s a knock at the door. It’s Di and Shaz – it’s time for Shaz to have her “why you’re in prison” talk with Helen, as part of the lifers program. Helen says it must be quite a shock still, to be in prison.

Shaz: I’m cool about it. It’s all right in here. Well, most of the time – not down the block. I just wanna know, when’s the karaoke? ‘Cause so far, like, nada.
Snort! Helen says that’s not what she meant, and it looks to me like she’s suppressing a giggle. But then she has to suppress a holler instead, as Shaz continues to be unmoved by the facts of her own crimes. Yes, she’s killed people, but it was an accident – no big. And it’s what they all deserved for pissing her off.

Still frosty – Out in the yard, Nikki pushes a wheelbarrow full of flowers. Dominic asks her where she’s taking them, but she doesn’t want to discuss that or anything else. He sees that something’s bothering her and tries to find out what, but Nikki just wheels off. Hey, gardening implements kind of compensate for the can’t-walk-away thing.

Double the suited pleasure – Helen and Karen are strolling along, discussing Shaz’s lack of remorse. Helen says Shaz isn’t heartless; she just can’t “get her head round the enormity of it.” That’s what I can’t do when Helen and Nikki are in a room alone together.

Karen changes the subject to Helen’s “hot date” with Dominic.

Helen: Well, the only thing hot about it for me was the curry sauce.
And the only thing hot about that line for me was everything. Karen jokes that maybe Dominic is the “slow burn type.” Helen just gives her a look.

It occurs to me that these scenes might represent Helen’s first coming-out challenge. Should she say that Dominic’s wrong for her because he’s a man, or should she let everyone think he’s just not the right man? Helen doesn’t seem uncomfortable at all, though; she almost seems amused by the whole thing. And there’s nothing better than an amused Helen Stewart eyebrow.

An awkward lunch – Di keeps teasing Dominic about Helen. All he can do is try to change the subject, but I think Di’s probably a one-track-mind sort of gal. Or do I mean one brain cell?

And yet more awkwardness – Helen makes her way through the busy common area. She walks right by Nikki without a word or even a look. Ouch. Tough love – Helen finds Shaz and reveals a grand plan: She wants Shaz to meet the relatives of one of her victims (in case you’ve forgotten, Shaz poisoned some people with bad oysters, but she was really just trying to sic the health inspectors on her boss at the fish counter). Shaz resists the idea, of course, but begins to take it seriously when Helen raises her voice. Funny how that happens.

After the chat with Shaz, Helen walks right on by Nikki again. Nikki looks totally miserable as she stands in the phone queue. Helen finally looks over her shoulder just a little, not necessarily at Nikki, but it’s enough for Nikki to make a move. She quickly follows Helen through a gate, explaining to Di that she needs to see Miss Stewart about something. Is this like needing to see a man about a horse?

Nikki: I wanna apologize. Helen: [fuming] Nikki: What I said. I’m sorry. Helen: Well, I hope you are. ‘Cause I don’t wanna be spoken to like that ever again. Nikki: I just couldn’t help feeling jealous. Helen: Why? Did you really think that I was trying to get off with Dominic? Nikki: He fancies you. Helen: So? There’s lots of women in here who fancy you; should I be jealous of them? Nikki: It’s not the same. Helen: Why?! Nikki: [shouting] Because you – [looking around, lowering her voice] you’re the only woman I want. But you could decide you want a man as well. Helen: I won’t be dictated to when and how I can see my work colleagues. So you’d better stop thinkin’ I’m so fickle about how I feel about you.
And then Helen walks away again. I can’t believe these conversations! So many people milling around, and such crazy bouncing from paranoia to declarations of love to jailer-jailee scolding. What’s really insane is how it all makes me clap with delight like a little girl.

These two are just like Bette and Tina on The L Word: so much better when they’re on the screen together. But it seems even more heightened on Bad Girls because the moments are so stolen, so brief. Damn this maddening chemistry!

But back to the thing about Helen possibly deciding she wants a man: I don’t know whether to take that as bi-phobia or just as a simple statement of fact. I mean, if Woody Allen (that perv) was right about bisexuality doubling your chances of getting a date, I suppose the corollary is that it doubles the chances that your girlfriend will cheat on you.

Guy talk – Jim is on his way to the pub again. Dominic tries to offer him some support, but Jim’s looking for liquid support.

Ugh, why did I even bother to type that?

Speaking of things I shouldn’t bother to type – Crystal’s about to get out of jail. Again. She’s sad that Josh won’t be there waiting for her this time; she hasn’t heard from him at all.

To rescue me from that boring story line, Shaz starts to cough and choke on her dinner. Di tries to save her, but then Shaz laughs and says, “Suckers.”

Julie S: Piece missing. Julie J.: Big piece.
Thank you, the Statler and Waldorf of Larkhall! Meanwhile, Nikki just looks tired as Di screams at Shaz and Denny. Jim peeks out of the wing office, so Di asks him to tell Shaz to go back to her cell.
Jim: Tell her yourself. Can’t you?
Nothing’s worse than a Fenner on the sauce. I’m no fan of Di Barker’s, but that was mean. And don’t think the prisoners didn’t notice. At the first whiff of a loss of control, they start to “kick off,” as the screws like to say.

Helen’s flat – That’s right. Helen’s flat. We haven’t been here since she dumped Sean the Yawn, have we? It’s a nice place. I’d love to curl up on that couch for a spot of tea or a spot of snogging.

Helen’s trying to do some work, but the doorbell rings. She clomps over to answer it. (Why is she still wearing her shoes? I guess she came home and went right to work.) It’s Dominic.

Dominic: [offering a bottle] Brought you a drink. Helen: [staring, then shaking her head] Sorry, I was miles away there.
Hmm. Where were you, Helen? Were you wondering what Nikki would think about this? Wondering if maybe you do want a man? Wondering why you haven’t taken your shoes off yet?

Against my better judgment, she invites Dominic in. She seems resigned to the whole thing.

A near riot – Di can’t control the inmates. She asks Fenner for help again, but he’s useless.

Di: Are you drunk? Jim: I’ll tell you what I am. I am pig sick of sloppy, bloody women telling me what to do.
And he leaves. Di can only stammer and swear.

Vodka for two – Helen and Dominic talk about work. Is that Macy Gray playing in the background? And how happy does Helen look as she unscrews the cap on that bottle? Nah, that’s not why she’s grinning. She’s smiling because Dom is laying it on thick: He’s just told her he admires her. He insists he means it and says if it weren’t for Helen, he’d no longer be in the prison service at all.

She hints to him about career opportunities, but he seems to be more interested in a romance opportunity. Sometimes you’re too nice for your own good, Helen.

Order in disorder – In the midst of all the mayhem at Larkhall, Nikki tells Barbara she’s off to make a phone call. She seems very determined and seeerrrious (yeah, fine, I’ve done that twice already in this recap).

Helen’s house of confessions – Almost as if she wants to make it all worse, Helen encourages Dominic when the conversation gets a little personal. In the process of talking about his living situation, Dom reveals that he likes older women.

Dominic: And you only go out with posh blokes with their own businesses. Helen: Past tense.
Tense is right. Dom gives her one of those soulful puppy-dog-eyes looks, prompting Helen to awkwardly say, “Anyway.” Just in time, the phone rings. Dom picks up the whole phone, not to answer it, but to hand it to Helen. But as he does so, the receiver falls to the floor and the person on the other end – that would be Nikki – hears Dom say, “Sorry about that.”

Helen says, “Hello? Hello?” but Nikki just hangs up.

Sensing his opportunity (like a bloodhound with a defective nose), Dominic leans in for a kiss. Helen says simply, “Don’t.” I scream, not so simply, “Get your hands off her, you puppy-dog-eyed beast!”

Dom tries to leave, but Helen tells him to stay. They plop back down like they’re playing musical chairs – speaking of which, where did Macy Gray go? Now we’re hearing something treacly.

Dominic: I just read it all wrong. It’s no big deal. Helen: No, it’s me. I just should have told you I’m in love with someone else. Dominic: [sighing] Helen: That was the phone call. Dominic: Who is he? Helen: It’s not a he. It’s a she. [pausing] Nikki Wade. [hurriedly] I beg you not to tell anyone, Dominic. I’m really askin’ ya as a friend here. Promise me. Dominic: Sure.
Simone Lahbib, your acting is so flawless in this scene, I want to kiss you. Um, because I usually don’t want to do that at all.

Dominic is flustered, but he pulls himself together and agrees to have another drink. I could use one too.

Meanwhile, in paranoia-ville – Nikki is brushing her teeth. Suddenly she throws her toothbrush down in disgust. I did that once – actually, what happened was I was brushing my teeth and I somehow dropped my toothbrush. It just fell out of my mouth and down to the floor. I looked at it like, “But, but …” Anyway.

Barbara: For God’s sake, what’s got into you? Nikki: Helen bloody Stewart.
Not yet. That’s the problem. Ba-dum-bum.
Nikki: I phoned her house. And guess who was there, surprise sur-bloody-prise? McAllister.
Oh, I have got to work “surprise sur-bloody-prise” into daily conversation!

Barbara tries to reassure Nikki, but Nikki’s too far gone.

Nikki: What, you invite a man you know fancies you into your house, at night, just the two of you, if you’re really not interested? No. You don’t.
I don’t think I was supposed to giggle there.

Barbara reminds Nikki that it’s important to trust your girlfriend.

Nikki: You don’t know what you’re bloody talking about. I’ve had affairs with straight women before. They don’t know what truth means; they’re so used to manipulating men. I don’t know why I thought she’d be any different. Barbara: I think you’re just proving exactly what you warned me about: that prison makes you paranoid. I think you should calm down and take your own advice.
Right on, Babs!

Who wrote that part about straight women not knowing what truth is? That was just bizarre. Of all the things I find frustrating about straight women, a failure to appreciate veracity has never been one of them.

Moving on – Helen sees Dominic out. They part on friendly, if a little strange, terms. Once he’s gone, Helen leans against the door. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes and mutters to herself, as if she’s not sure what just happened.

Meanwhile, in Larkhall, a frowning Nikki (in a fetching tank top) can’t sleep.

Here we are again, on the lightning-fast Coming Out in Fits and Starts train: Helen has finally told someone that she’s in love with a woman, but the conversation ended almost as soon as it began. And Nikki is alone too, with no one to calm her fears. Talk about wells of loneliness. If Nikki ever gets out of jail, these two should go right to couples therapy!

Morning – Dominic unlocks the door to Nikki and Barbara’s cell. He lets Barbara go on her way, but he steers Nikki back into the cell so he can talk to her.

Nikki: Late night yesterday, was it, sir?

Dominic: Look – Nikki: Get what you wanted, did you? Dominic: [shrugging] I know it was you that phoned, Nikki. Nikki: She shared that with you too, did she? Dominic: [leaving] Another time. Nikki: You little s—!

Dominic just stares at her for a moment and then leaves. Wait. Nikki launched into him without much provocation, don’t you think? What if Dom and Helen really had hooked up? Nikki would probably find herself down the block now, or worse. Not that she’s ever been circumspect before; why should she start now?

I know, I know: Love makes you do crazy things. How else to explain the fact that I’m recapping at 4:12 a.m.?

The four-bed dorm – Dominic unlocks another cell door, this time for Crystal, Denny and Shaz.

Dominic: Out you come. Denny: Out and proud, right, sir?
Dominic just sort of sighs, as if he’s wondering whether the whole world has gone gay all of a sudden.

A little talk – Karen warns Jim about his drinking and poor attendance. She puts a hand on his arm as she does so. It seems she’s feeling some fondness for Fenner. Ugh.

Leather jacket alert – Shaz is in Helen’s office again. Helen has arranged for Shaz to have a visit with Mrs. Foster, the widow of the old man Shaz killed. Shaz isn’t worried, even when Helen tries to convey the gravity of the situation.

Helen: Well, don’t go changing your mind at the last minute. If you decide you can’t go through with it, now’s the time to say so.
Suddenly I feel like she’s talking about something else. Maybe that’s why this star-crossed romance works: because when Miss Stewart commits, she really commits.

Just to prove me right, Helen marches out into the yard and finds Nikki by the pouting shed.

Helen: Nikki … Nikki: [sarcastically] Recognition? Helen: Please, give me a chance to explain. I didn’t invite Dominic round last night. He just turned up. Nikki: Let him in, though, didn’t you? Helen: I couldn’t not let him in. Nikki: No, of course you couldn’t. Helen: Look, do you want to know what happened, or not?

Nikki: Helen, I’m really glad for you. Must be a great relief to know you can still pull the boys. Now, why don’t you just piss off, you two-faced tart? Helen: [grabbing Nikki fiercely] Just a minute. You are still my responsibility. And you’d better get it into your head: If you don’t want to jeopardize your appeal, you will speak and behave towards me in line with prison rules. Nikki: Or what? You’ll report me? Helen: Don’t push me any further, Nikki. Nikki: Yeah? Well, now you’ve ruined my plans. I don’t really give a s— about my appeal anymore. But don’t worry: I won’t forget to call you Miss. Helen: I am so sick of you.

Oh, no. Make it stop!

I feel like there was a moment there, right after “you will speak and behave towards me in line with prison rules,” when it could have taken a totally different and totally exciting turn. Instead, Nikki’s stabbing the ground with her little gardening fork thingie – or she would be, if her hand weren’t between the fork and the ground. That’ll smart like a broken heart!

The locker room – Di is still flirting with Dom. Shut. Up.

Fenner shows up and apologizes to Di for his recent behavior. She graciously accepts. Who cares? It’s not like you stabbed your hand with a gardening fork. Then you’d have something to cry about.

The wing office – Dom wants to talk to Helen about the other night. Well, what he really wants to talk about is “courses and that,” because he’s still interested in furthering his career. Helen isn’t very receptive.

Dominic: You OK? Helen: Not really. I’m having a really tough time with Nikki. Dominic: How? Helen: It’s stupid. She’s convinced I was getting off with you. Dominic: Even after you explained it to her? Helen: She doesn’t believe me. Dominic: Why would she think you’d lie to her?
Di interrupts and again assumes she’s really interrupting something. I don’t suppose Helen would have been able to answer Dom’s question anyway.

The nurse’s office – I guess it’s called the infirmary or something, not the nurse’s office. Sometimes I forget that this is a prison rather than a school.

As the nurse tends to Nikki’s torn-up hand, they have a chat.

Nikki: Just having a tough time right now. Nurse: Partner problems?
You don’t know the half of it, sister. But the nurse has her problems, too: Her boyfriend just got deported back to Australia. She’s working two jobs to pay off their debts so she can head down under too. Nikki’s impressed by her mettle.

The confrontation – Shaz meets the widow of the man she killed. I’m sure it’s all very dramatic, but I’m caught up in the drama of Helen’s jacket. Another chat – Nikki is back in her cell. Dominic shows up to clear the air.

Dominic: If you think Helen’s even remotely interested in me, you’re making a big mistake. I wish she was. ‘Cause I’d be a lot better for her than you are. Nikki: Oh, I bet you would. Dominic: Nikki. She’s in love with you. She made me promise not to tell anyone. And this is the one time I will, ’cause for her sake, you’d better believe it.
Nikki can’t even hear him; she’s still sure that he and Helen were flirting and having a laugh at her expense. Dominic gives up and leaves. Nikki just hangs her head.

Truth or therapy? – Shaz confesses that she was scared she’d lose her job and that her stepdad would beat her. Don’t try to connect all this to the poisonings; it’s not really worth it. The old lady who’s confronting her is pretty awesome, though. She says Shaz isn’t sorry at all – she’s only sorry for herself.

Helen looks on, moved by the widow’s talk of how much she misses her husband. Shaz cries.

Outside, the Julies set Nikki up to serve tea to the widow and Shaz. Tea? During a reconciliation? This place is practically the UN.

Helen is startled when she sees Nikki, of course.

Nikki: Can I see you for a moment, please, Miss Stewart?
Helen follows Nikki out into the hall and shoots fire from her eyes.
Helen: What the hell are you doin’ here? Nikki: Dominic told me what you said to him. I’ve been a total asshole. I love you, Helen. I know you love me. Helen: No. No, Nikki. You’re too late. You said things I can’t forget. I don’t know what I feel about you anymore. Nikki: Please. Helen: No. Go and fall for someone else.
Wait a minute. Helen, you just heard that widow talking about lost love, and you’re throwing your love away anyway?

But Helen still believes in love: She finds Denny and sends her to the loo to comfort a sobbing Shaz. Den, I still say you’re very good at showing your strength when it matters.

Shaz: I’m a coward and a s— and I hate myself. Denny: You’re cool, babe. I love ya.
Denny tells her she just has to do something to make up for it, and that she won’t be a coward unless she gives up and stops trying.
Denny: You just gotta do different, babe.
Denny, will you be my life coach?

Speaking of lost loves – Fenner’s wife shows up. And the Julies encourage Crystal to write Josh. Yawn!

Barking – Karen asks Helen how the Shaz thing went. And then she asks her how things are going with Dominic.

Helen: [losing it] Listen, Karen, I just come to this bloody place to do a job, all right?
Karen just stares, gape-mouthed. Well, as gape-mouthed as cool Karen ever gets.

Small comforts – Barbara encourages Nikki to remember that Helen is still living and breathing in the same little part of the world as she is. She hands Nikki a phone card and tells her not to give up.

Nikki goes right to the phone. Helen doesn’t answer, so Nikki leaves a message.

Nikki: Hi, it’s me. Please pick up the phone if you’re there. I’m not gonna give up on you, Helen. I can’t. Just give me another chance. I can’t believe this has happened to us. I know it’s all my fault, but … [crying] I’ve got to talk to you.
Helen, who has been standing there listening and aching, picks up the phone just as Nikki hangs up. Yes, that’s how extremely evil this show can be. Helen rewinds the message and listens again. And aches.

Get in your car, drive to Larkhall and use those big butch keys you like to carry around, Helen! Noooo – Karen and Fenner are kissing in Karen’s office. I’ll be OK as soon as I find some lye for my eyes.

NEXT TIME ON BAD GIRLS: I can’t tell you. Trust me: It’s better if you don’t know ahead of time.

 

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