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“Heading Out” recap (Ep. 5): “Groundhog Gay”

This week’s second-to-last episode of Heading Out involves no vet office (hurrah!), no Eve (boo!), but instead takes place entirely in Toria’s family home, a beautiful, historic manor where Sara is supposed to come out to Toria’s parents as a sort of trial run for her own. Because that’s a normal thing people do.

Toria’s family is, thank God, just as crazy and amazing as she is, and they begin with her mom, played by Dawn French, giving them the standard spiel about the history of the house, of which there’s the local version and then the Version For American Tourists. The local version includes things like facts; the American version involves empty, dramatic statements (“This house has been here…since TIME”), and a nudge towards the gift shop. So, basically, accurate. Jamie and Justine are also along for the visit, of course, and while Jamie and Sara seem mildly interested in the goings on, Justine is SO. EXCITED. about everything, looking about her with a sense of pure and magical wonder. In other words, how Justine is pretty much all the time. Man, I love Justine.

They settle into the sitting room with the extended fam for some alcohol, as one does at rich old houses; at least that’s what the Gilmore Girls taught me. Grandma is old and crazy and can’t hear anything and likes to feel people up, and Mom gets nice and cozy with Sara. Mom says that she’s going to call her Plop, because Sara sounds too formal, and Plop can call her Bumble. Bumble is clearly a way better nickname than Plop, but Plop doesn’t complain.

Yep, still totally normal.

Bumble and Crazy Grandma ask Plop to tell them about herself, immediately followed, of course, with, “Do you have a boyfriend? Are you married?” Toria stares at her wide-eyed: this is your chance!

Go for the gay gold!

Sara fumbles for a moment before going with the easy, avoidant answer of simply, “No, I don’t,” to which Grandma asks, “Why? What’s wrong with you?” As Sara hems and haws in trying to answer, the room soon becomes a cacophony of everyone present asking over and over and over, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend? Why don’t you have a boyfriend? Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” Which is the funniest and most true thing that’s happened on this entire show so far, because man, that’s really what the world sounds like sometimes, isn’t it?

Finally, overwhelmed, Sara shouts, “Because I’M GAY!” And a second later, “Did that just come out of my mouth? Oh, that was awful.”

What have I done.

Toria engulfs her in a congratulatory hug. Bumble stands up and, seeing her daughter embracing Gay Plop, suddenly understands the situation slightly differently than it is. “Oh, my darlings! Oh, I see! Oh, that’s marvelous news! Hurrah! We’re so happy for you both.”

Hurrah?

Toria’s dad congratulations her on her lesbianism, saying, “All those decades of indiscriminate sleeping around with men was just a smokescreen. Wonderful! Should I fire the cannon?”

Dad is the best.

Bumble says no, they’ll just have a toast. To Toria and Plop! “To the gays!” Toria, for her part, is taking this all in stride, seemingly having no desire to correct her parents. She just sort of seems happy that everyone’s so happy?

Even grandma!

At dinner, after some gross looking lentils have been passed around because Bumbles heard “that’s what you ladies like,” someone who isn’t so excited is Justine, who tells Sara she’s furious with her for not telling her about her and Toria. Ha, Justine! To which Sara responds with one of her befuddled perfect Sara faces.

Then, amazingly, Dad says that what he’s always wanted to know is how lesbians have sex. He listened to a program on BBC4 once about it, but he still doesn’t really get it. He holds up some salt and pepper shakers–or, “Sally Salt, and Pauline Pepper”–and asks if Sara would care to explain? Bumbles is also giddy about the prospect: “Oh, yes, please do! I’ve always wanted to know.”

We then cut to the clock whirring to an hour and a half later, with Sara having created an elaborate contraption in the middle of the table, of which she’s explaining the final components. After an expectant pause, Bumbles and Dad agree: “Nope. Still don’t get it.” I’m not sure whether this over-exaggeration of the perception of gay sex being confusing to straight people is really funny, or simply perpetuates the perception of gay sex being confusing.

Seriously! It’s not that hard!

Dad soon invites Justine and Jamie down to his fancy wine cellar, in which Justine and Jamie get promptly locked inside of after Dad returns upstairs to get a bottle opener and happens to fall asleep on his way. And speaking of falling asleep, Bumble has ushered Toria and Sara into their room for the evening, and also apparently given them these outfits to change into:

Even if nothing else entertaining happened in this episode at all, it would all be worth it, in my opinion, for these night caps. They are amazing. Look at them! Amazing! Bumble then comes in to wish them a good night, and also to hand over some handcuffs in case they might want them, and please, do not feel uncomfortable having lots of lesbian sex.

All the awards for your face, Sue Perkins.

Instead of having sex, however, Sara decides to talk to Toria about how she’s keeping her parents in the dark about not wanting to someday return to the family business of taking care of the manor, as they keep hinting about. Seems Toria is just as scared about “coming out” about her own issues with her parents, and that she and Sara perhaps aren’t all that different after all. And then they hear a ghost and Toria begins clutching her head and singing nursery rhymes and hugging her teddy bears. Naturally.

Downstairs in the wine cellar, Justine has found a sword and decided she can practice her opening a bottle of wine with a sword technique–an old Napoleonic trade, she says–and she and Jamie commence to get very drunk.

And soon they have lost half of their clothes, which, when they later wake up and both realize this, they seem very bewildered by. Jamie says, “Okay, let’s not panic,” to which Justine shouts, “I’m pregnant!” Jamie ignores this and says, “What are we going to do?” to which Justine replies, “I’m going to keep it! I’m going to call it Burgundy!” Which may all sound kind of silly without actually hearing Nicola Walker‘s delivery, but it had me laughing out loud. They begin banging on the door while Justine shouts, “I’m with child!”

Meanwhile, as Sara and Toria wander around the house in their nightgowns, pissing in pots and looking for ghosts, they discover that all the scary noises that have been haunting Toria in her dreams since childhood are rigged by Crazy Grandma. Bumble and Dad try to explain it gently to Toria: it’s how they make their money; if they didn’t scare people out of their wits, they’d be broke. Luckily, Jamie will soon reveal that the pot Sara accidentally peed in is an old Chinese relic worth millions of pounds, so haunted manor it doesn’t have to be any longer! Rejoice!

The next morning, Justine and Jamie also decide, unconvincingly, that whatever happened between them last night was just a drunken tryst that didn’t matter, and Sara has had to tell Crazy Grandma that she’s gay so many times that she’s starting to feel comfortable with it, and at least semi-confident about telling it to her parents next week.

Toria also reveals to her parents that she’s employed, and won’t be coming back to run the manor, in an enjoyable mockery of how we react to people’s sexuality.

Toria: “I know that must come as the most awful shock, but I needed to tell you.”

Bumble: “But…we’ve never ever had a…JOB in the family.”

Toria: “I know. I’m sorry.”

Bumble: “Does this…JOB make you happy?”

Toria: “Yes, very, very much.”

Bumble: “Well then, I’m happy for you.” *commence joyful hug*

Eventually the kids drive away, waving happily out the window back at Bumble and Dad and Crazy Grandma, and as Bumble and Dad turn to walk back into the house, Crazy Grandma cranes her neck and, in typical Heading Out over-the-top manner, we see that she really has been haunting the house after all.

I enjoyed so much about this episode; the fact that it all took place in one setting and mainly kept focus on the central plotline of Sara’s coming out made it feel more cohesive. The kitschy scary movie ghost stuff worked for me, Justine was hilarious as always, and watching Sara and Toria bond was almost touching–touching at least in British comedy terms. What did you think? How do you think the finale will unfold?

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