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Notes on a Fandom: Last Exit

Notes on a Fandom is a regular column dedicated to lesbian/bi fandom in its various incarnations. It will also feature thoughts and comments from you, the fans. Follow @DanaPiccoli on Twitter and Tumblr to keep up with the latest topics and questions.

**Content warning: Please note, this week’s column deals with character death, some details of which may possibly cause major feels. Also, while there are no current spoilers, some material could be considered spoiler in nature for readers who are not up to date on Buffy, Mass Effect 3, Los Hombres de Paco, The L Word, Xena and SiP. Cool? Cool.**

There is a famous proverb that says, “All good things must come to an end”, to which I reply, “fangirls never say die!” OK, so that’s probably not the most mature stance to take. Sometimes, even as much as we will it not to be true, shows end and characters die. Some projects run their course, and their endings feel satisfying, giving fans closure. Some projects are yanked before their time, leaving fans in a forever “what if” state. The fact of the matter is, everything ends eventually. As much as I’d love Pretty Little Liars to run forever, those mid-20 something ladies can’t play teenagers forever.

Fans invest a tremendous amount of heart and soul into their shipping and admiration for a show and it’s characters. We know that while they are not real, the emotions they produce are. Love, fear, grief, lust, all transcend medium. Art does imitate life, and that is why being a fan is such a visceral, electric experience. When something ends naturally, we mourn, but we move on. It’s a lot more difficult to do so when a project is cancelled too soon, or a beloved character meets an untimely demise.

Aaaaand Scene

In this very competitive world of entertainment, projects that don’t perform well out of the gate, don’t stand much of a chance of sticking around. That doesn’t mean that fans don’t latch onto something even if its odds look grim. Fans sometimes even launch huge campaigns to keep a show on the air, (i.e. inundating the CBS offices with nuts to save Jericho, fans turning to Subway to help save Chuck). Some shows like Popular (Ryan Murphy‘s first big project) and Wonderfalls, had loyal fandoms, but were too quirky and ahead of their time for mainstream audiences. I imagine they would have faired better a few more years down the line. They did, however, pave the way for shows like Glee and New Girl. My So-Called Life only ran for one season, but remains a pivotal and beloved show that dared to explore the lives of ’90s teenagers in a realistic and empathic light. Airing shortly after the death of Kurt Cobain, an event that was still sending shockwaves of change and frustration through a generation of young people, it dealt with real teenage issues. Drugs, depression, sexuality. We wanted to be Angela Chase. We wanted a girlfriend like Jordan Catalano. We wanted friends like Rayanne and Rickie. We wanted Bryan Krackow to leave us the hell alone. And the music. Oh the music.

South of Nowhere was another show, this time with two lesbian/bi leads, that was cancelled before its time, but still maintains a fierce fan base.

SofN took major risks and explored female sexuality is a very upfront way. That was a little too hard to swallow for some folks, and it never garnered the audience it deserved. This is another show that I think would fair much better now than it did six years ago.

Lip Service was certainly robbed of a third season by it’s confusing and bewildering second season. The shocking death of Cat, combined with the untimely exit of Frankie certainly didn’t bode well. With the loss of its two leads, Lip Service was already at a tremendous disadvantage.

Also, after a premiere season full of angsty fun and sexy sex, the brooding and grief that haunted its second season felt, well, really sad. Fans got no closure, and we are left to our own devices to imagine an ending. Who can say what could have saved Lip Service, but I for one would have loved to see things turn around for the talented cast of lovely ladies…and Ed.

What projects ended too soon for your pleasure? Have you ever campaigned to save a show? Did it work?

Everyday, a Little Death

While the ending of a show can be disappointing and terribly sad for fans, the death of a character we love feels like the end of the world. As fans, we gravitate towards certain characters. We make them a part of our canon, part of our family. We discuss them ad nauseam on social networks, write about them, and plaster our virtual worlds with their pictures. Maybe they remind us of ourselves, or someone we love. Maybe they simply kick ass. No matter the reason, when a character dies, it’s traumatic. I remember when the first character I loved was killed off; it felt like a kick to the gut. I felt sick, and in me arose a deep grief I never expected I could feel. It didn’t matter that this wasn’t a “real” person. Pain is pain, and I was as broken hearted as if she had been erased from my actual world. I think it was also the first time, I truly knew what it felt like to be a fan.

Here are a few devastating character deaths that shook fandom. Writing this list was the most difficult thing I’ve done since starting Notes on a Fandom. I actually wept a few times and had to take a time out. So many feels.

Joyce Summers — Buffy The Vampire Slayer

The image of Joyce Summers, lying on the couch in The Body, is etched into many a Buffy fan’s memory. So much so for this writer, that I couldn’t bear to post it. Parental death is a child’s worst fear. It didn’t matter that Buffy was the Chosen One, or that she had super powers. She was also someone’s child. She was Joyce’s child. And in a way, so were we all.

Buffy spent her life trying to save the world from the supernatural, from monsters and demons. In a so perfectly Whedonesque turn however, Joyce dies in a most human way. From a brain aneurysm. Buffy, with all of her strength and will, couldn’t protect her mother from this. Real life. Joyce’s death signals the true end of Buffy’s youth, however fleeting it was. We also see the enormous effect Joyce’s death has on the other Scoobies, and how in a way it solidifies them as a true family unit.

Tara Maclay — Buffy The Vampire Slayer “Your shirt.” With those two words, Tara Maclay was taken away from us. There was no time for goodbyes as Willow cradled her dead girlfriend in her arms, Tara’s blood splattered across Willows stark, white shirt. A bright red, angry reminder of what we had all just lost. It was brutal, violent and completely unexpected. I am still not over it. Viewers had just begun to rejoice in the reunion of the Willow and Tara, wherein we were treated to “extra flamey” kissing and a blissful post coital scene. Ours, and the witches’ happiness was to be short lived however. The relationship between Willow and Tara was ground breaking, and for many fans, was the first time they had seen a reflection of themselves in such a poignant and positive way. When Willow came out to Buffy, it was treated as no big deal. It gave us the strength to come out to our friends. It showed us love could be magical. Tara’s death was the ultimate catalyst for Willow’s descent into madness and destruction. Dark Willow nearly destroyed the world. I nearly destroyed my television.

Dana Fairbanks — The L Word

Son of a bitch. Dana Fairbanks’ senseless death will be the event that lesbians still talk about in their rocking chairs in old age homes. Fans and cast alike universally loathed it. (Even Ilene Chaiken later admitted she regretting the decision to kill Dana.) Dana was one of the show’s most likeable characters, and certainly one of its few comedic elements. Losing her felt like losing the spirit of the show, and WeHo never seemed to sparkle the same way after that. When a fan base loses faith in a project, it is incredibly difficult to get that faith back. The intrinsic difference between the deaths of say, Tara Maclay and Dana Fairbanks, is that Tara’s death pushed the plot forward in such a bold and vital way. Dana’s death did not serve the same purpose. While it did bring attention to the very important issue of breast cancer and detection, a tale of survival and hope would have also been impactful and saved one of our absolute favorite characters. Fans have very strong feelings about the untimely death of Dana Fairbanks. I asked you on Twitter if Dana’s death affected your feelings about the show in general.

Xena — Xena Warrior Princess Our brave warrior princess had a good run. Like Buffy, she saved the world. A lot. Over the course of six seasons, Xena died no less than five times, but it was her death in Japan that sealed her fate. Xena sacrificed herself so that the souls of thousands could be at peace. What a lesbian that chick was. While Xena always ran heavy on the subtext, near the end of its run, the love that she and Gabrielle shared was truly undeniable. In my last article about fan fiction, I neglected to mention the impact Xena fic had on fans and many of you were kind enough to post some terrific examples in the comments. It truly did pave the way for the fan fics we have today. You can check out some great ones here. Of course, if you weren’t satisfied with Xena‘s ending, and I mean, who really was, check out this video of Lucy Lawless and Renee O’Connor performing an alternative ending, written by Katherine Fugate. It’s pretty freaking fantastic.

David Qin— Strangers in Paradise So yeah, David is a dude, but he played a major role in the love story of Katina “Katchoo” Choovanski and Francine Peters. Katchoo is in love with her straight best friend Francine, who doesn’t exactly know how to return her affections. David comes along, and falls for Katchoo. Katchoo shares a love with David, but it is painfully evident to him, that Katchoo and Francine belong together. Something he facilitates, much to the breaking of his own heart. The beauty in Terry Moore‘s Strangers in Paradise is that David isn’t some interloper. He’s a real person with deep affection for the people around him. Even though the reader roots for Katchoo and Francine to be the OTP, you can’t help but empathize with the unrequited nature of his relationships with these women. When David dies due to lingering complications from injuries sustained in a plane crash, it is tragic and yet, it is in a way his final gift to Katchoo and Francine. They are finally able to move forward and love one another without reservation.

Silvia – Los Hombres de Paco On a scale of one to 10 on the lesbian fan meter, Silvia’s violent and bloody death on Los Hombres de Paco scores a “WHY GOD WHY?!!” Silvia is shot on her wedding day. Her wedding day, people. Her wife, Pepe, is helpless to save her and Silvia dies in a pool of blood. It’s awful. What makes this all the more painful are the loving moments the two women share that lead up to their wedding. Tequila shots and sexy dancing the evening prior. Touching each other’s faces, with closed eyes and whispering dreams of the future right before they walk down the aisle. The contrast between bliss and brutality truly makes Silvia’s death a fangirl’s worst nightmare.

Commander Shepherd — Mass Effect 3 One hundred forty three hours. I spent 143 hours with Commander (Madeline) Shepherd. During that time, we saved the universe, fell in love with Dr. Liara T’soni, and made some incredibly difficult decisions. Near the end of Mass Effect 3, it felt like humanity and our allies might have a shot. We were going to knock some Reaper heads together, heal from our wounds and make some blue babies with our favorite Asari. Except that we were slowly being indoctrinated by our enemy, and given one of the most devastating endings in video game history, in my opinion. Three options, all no win. I literally screamed at my Xbox, “How can you betray me like this?” The creators of Mass Effect, BioWare, have received a lot of grief about the ending, so much so that they put together a DLC (downloadable content) to stretch out the ending in an attempt at closure. That didn’t work too well either. Many fans that spent endless hours and sleepless nights playing a game that they adored, felt cheated. Mass Effect was particularly notable for its excellent gameplay and inclusivity, making same sex romantic parings available and refreshingly complex. In other words, it was damn addictive. As I watched Commander Shepard perish (by my own hand no less!) my eyes welled up with tears, my hopes for her future dashed. BioWare is coming out with a final DLC this spring, but knowing my Shepard is already gone makes the thought of playing it very bittersweet.

Which character’s death impacted you the most? Was it any of the above? Was it perhaps Maya St. Germaine at the hands of Lyndon “Cousin Nate” James, or Cat MacKenzie, who was unceremoniously run down by a car while texting and walking? Jenny Schecter Mr. Piddles? Let us know in the comments below.

I know, this was a tough one my friends, but it’s important to address the feelings associated with fandom and loss. Just as there is joy in fandom, there is also pain. I just hope yours is filled with much more of the former. As always, flail on fangirl. Flail on.

Bi-weekly, Notes on a Fandom will feature a different fandom-centric topic. Tweet me (@danapiccoli) your thoughts on what you’d like to see covered, send me links to your Tumblr. I’ll be including them in each week’s column.

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