We were bummed when Dani Shay didn’t make it to the finale on The Glee Project, but it seems there was a pretty good consolation prize. Before the reality show even aired on Oxygen, Dani had started a relationship with fellow contestant Ali Stroker. If you were an avid watcher of the series and had no idea, you didn’t miss anything – they kept the whole thing a secret until just this past week, when they released a music video to announce their relationship to the world.
In the video for Dani’s new song “One,” it’s clear that she’s singing about a woman. The romantic video has her paired with a blonde-haired lover in bed, on the beach, at dinner, and it’s not until the very end it’s revealed that the song about her “tiny shiny star” is Ali.
Fan reactions have been overwhelmingly positive, and why shouldn’t they be? The couple are adorable and seem to be very much in love. The fact they kept their relationship a secret while on a reality show and throughout their work together since as part of Dani’s charity Be More Heroic has proven even more intriguing. While Dani has been out throughout the past few years of her public music career, she hasn’t really discussed her sexuality or any part of her personal life at length, and Ali was assumed to be straight by the TV-viewing public, which has made the video for “One” revealing in more than a few ways.
We talked with Dani and Ali about how their romance began, why they kept it secret until now and their new duet on One: The Winter EP, out today.
AfterEllen.com: You have had such a great response to the video. It must be exciting to have it out there now. DS: Yes, so happy. Beyond thrilled. We’ve been sitting on this video for a couple of months, like planning out the release and finishing the final touches and everything. We’re both so excited we finally got to release it. Ali: I’m so excited because I didn’t really know – I knew people would be surprised, but I never really expected so much positive support and love. It’s been absolutely amazing.
AE: Ali, how did you decide that you wanted to reveal your sexuality in the context of a music video? AS: Well, you know it’s interesting. When Dani and I were you know talking about creating this video and what we wanted it to say and do, it was so much more than talking about my sexuality. In fact, that was sort of the last thing that I was interested in with the video. What I was more excited about was sharing that two people you may not expect to be together, to be together. Or these roles of a leading man and a leading lady are supposed to look like, how they could be portrayed on someone who you wouldn’t expect, then to be able to share our connection. That’s really exciting to me. Of course the thought about my sexuality was a part of what I thought about a little bit, but it definitely wasn’t the leading concern of the video. DS: I remember when I first brought it up to her, she was nervous to go to here. She loved the idea, she wanted to do it, she was really excited, but then the only reservation was the fear that people would box her in. They’d start to categorize her as a lesbian or whatever and, in fact, even though I’ve been in multiple relationships with different women, I too feel like I don’t want to be categorized in one way the other, just because I feel like people are so many different ways. It’s not just you’re this or you’re this or you’re this. I feel like with Ali, I never expected I’d be with someone in a wheelchair, but when I met her, it was immediate. I guess the point I’m trying to make is the body doesn’t matter. It goes beyond that.
AE: When did you first recognize that you were interested in each other romantically? DS: Like I say in the song, the first five days of knowing her, it was when we were at callbacks together. Within the first five days it grew from being immediate connection and friendship, laughing hysterically together to talking deeply and understanding each other in a way that felt like – it literally felt like meeting someone you had known for so long. AS: I would say like, you know, we were at callbacks and we all had to share what our character would be on the show. And Dani told me she wanted to play this character that sort of made people question how they felt about gender like maybe a guy was interested in her and a girl was interested in her and she said something like “You could play opposite me,” or something. DS: I said something like, jokingly, “You could be my love interest.” And then she laughed… AS: And I was like, I was sort of surprised she said that and then I sort of was like really kind of, so intrigued. DS: Oh come on! She’s totally playing it down. She was totally flirting with me. AS: I was like “OK, that would be really fun!” So we sort of started playing these roles and flirting with each other.And then we realized “Oh my god, these aren’t just roles we would want to play. These are actual real feelings.” DS: She was flirting it up with me. AS: She started it for sure! DS: Absolutely not! AS: No way! AE: Who was the first one to acknowledge that something was between you two? DS: That would be the question “What is this?” We don’t need to go into detail about it, but it was a nice moment where we were both like “What is this, really?” We’ve been laughing all week but at the end, it’s like “What is this?” AS: I was holding her hand and she gently asked me “What is this?” And I was like “I have no idea. I have never felt this way ever.” I had no idea what was happening. DS: I said “I don’t know either, what this is. All I know is I want to take care of it.” From that moment was like, we stayed in touch and the rest is history.
AE: How did you keep your relationship a secret from fans? Ali: It’s hard! DS: Whenever we would post pictures together, we’d say “No that looks too coupley. We gotta delete that and try again.” AS: On the show, you know, both of us decided we didn’t want it to be on the show. DS: We didn’t want the show to be about that. Ali: Because it was also something so new and it was something so real and felt like something we wanted to take care of and we weren’t ready to share with the public yet. DS: … dive into a new relationship and be trying to focus on the show. I needed to sort things out with myself and everything. So we knew, both of us knew, instinctively that the show wasn’t the right time to be exploring our relationship and publicizing it all at the same time. AS: And also the reality of reality TV is that, you know, there’s gonna be parts where one person’s being interviewed and another person’s in another room being interviewed and they can do whatever they want- DS: And we wanted to put the message out there and announcement on there in the way that we wanted to do it.
AE: When you like someone, it can be so overwhelming. How were you able to keep your heads in the game when it came to the show when you’re in such close quarters with each other? DS: It was so overwhelming. It was overwhelming, completely. And when cameras are on, it was hard to not stare at her. But we held it together and before I left that was when I told her to stay focused and kick ass on the show and we would have our time. And we both knew, I think, intuitively I think we both knew that that wasn’t the time but we could feel that it wasn’t the end of it at all. AS: For me it was crazy because I was in a situation where I wanted Glee for so long and really wanted to do my best and then I so badly wanted a connection and a relationship like this so badly for so long as well, so it was really – I felt very, very split because both things felt so right.
AE: Dani, it was such a bummer when you left the show in the second week. Did you take any of what Ryan Murphy said to heart about your possibly not being right for Glee but better as a performer on your own accord? DS: When I left the show, I was at first really bummed out, obviously, I went through the whole bummed out phase. But that only lasted like a week. Then I was like, I’m going to better myself in every way that I can. I knew I’d be going back for the finale and not only did i want to look and feel amazing for when I saw Ali again, I really wanted to just improve every aspect of myself that I could. My performance quality, I started doing PI Dance – I don’t know if you know what PI dance is but it’s an intense workout. It’s like an hour, hour and a half a day. It was awesome. Then I started playing music with some really experienced musicians and bettering myself that way. I knew in my heart when i was leaving – in fact before I left the show, I told Ali, “You know, if I go, I know that this is what I want to do, like for my life. This isn’t ending here. This is just one step I’m so glad I got to take. But I don’t feel like it brought me down.”
AE: When did you write “One” and how long did it take for you to write, record and then put together the video? DS: It was actually after it was done filming and everything. It was actually after Ali and I got to be together in real life. It wasn’t while she was still on the show or anything. It was when we got together in real life and spent actual time together, outside of the reality show setting. We were apart one night and I wrote that song. And then we Skyped and I sang it to her over Skype. I hadn’t written the guitar part yet, I had only written the rhythm. I was tapping the rhythm on my knee and I sang it to her over Skype.
AE: And when did you know you wanted to use the video to announce it was about Ali? DS: I knew when I made it I would probably announce it was about her, but it wasn’t until probably like a month after that and then I called her, because we were in separate cities, so I called her and I was like “I have the best idea!” She’s like “Oh no!” I was like “Wait, just give it a chance!” And I told her “We could do a music video and it could be our way to announce our relationship to the public.” AS: And I was immediately like “Well we can talk about this.” When Dani has a big idea, I know she’s ready to execute the entire thing and I’m like “Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there!” DS: She was going to be taking a trip to Florida and I was like “I already have a guy who will shoot it for us!” AS: And I was like “What!?” The day we started to shoot it, we had a long conversation before the shoot and I was like “I’m just scared. I don’t want this to be something that’s going to limit me.” And then I felt this shift in me that it wasn’t something that was going to be limiting; it was something that was going to pen up so many doors and allow people to see beyond and give people hope. I hope that this does give them hope. We were talking last night, we were at the Ali Forney Center Benefit for the holiday and we were talking about how there weren’t people like us when we were growing up in the media, role models to look up to. DS: There were some, but not a lot. AS: There were some, but there weren’t a lot and for me, to be able to be a role model and an example for somebody young who is exploring their sexuality, that feels so good. DS: When I had the idea for the video and when we had the conversation on the day of the shoot, I reminded Ali that first of all, we’ll make the video and we’ll only release it if you feel comfortable with it, obviously. … But the video, we talked the day of about the idea of fairytales. We were at the beach and I’d be carrying her along the beach and in the water and all of that stuff. We talked about The Notebook and Titanic and these epic romantic films and fairytales that when we were kids watched that went along with that. And I was interested in showing people that no matter what circumstance you’re in or how you look or feel on the outside or how you’re defined, you can have your own version of your fairytale. And when I said that and we were looking at each other before we started shooting that day, it was like “Yes. That’s what this is really all about. It’s bigger than the both of us” and I feel so lucky to be able to share this. AE: Dani, you’ve never really talked about your personal life before. Was there any hesitation on your part to open yourself up in this way? DS: Oddly enough, no. With Ali, I never felt any hesitation. It’s been just immediate pride since the beginning. And not pride in just an egotistical way, but unbelievably proud to be with her and proud of her and my only not hesitation but thing i find interesting is when you just posted a new video and you’re reading comments on YouTube and the comments are all so positive and wonderful and you stumble across some that are “Oh I didn’t know that Dani was gay” or “I didn’t know Ali was gay” or “I didn’t know they were lesbians” or “Oh they’re lesbians?” For me it’s so interesting that the mind is automatically has to categorize. Like “I know this about so and so’s life, therefore, now they’re lesbians.” And that’s what I’m seen as. Instead of a person in a relationship and that relationship just so happens to be two people who are the same biological gender. Gender is something I could talk for days about! Because it’s like, honestly, if you’re going to say that Ali’s a lesbian, then that would mean I’m just female. That would mean the term lesbian is a female that loves females. But the way that I feel energetically is a mix of masculine and feminine and however we define those things. But it’s like, it’s not really just this simple to define someone even though we want to make it that simple.
AE: But there are some people that will see the video and might think “Oh, she’s a lesbian” and find a connection with you, so there’s an upside. DS: Which I really think is awesome and I want and I hope that people do feel a connection with me and they feel like they can relate to me because we have things in common. AS: I think what’s interesting in the video is there’s these two different sort of storylines, like where Dani hasn’t really talked a lot about her sexuality but people might have already assumed she was with women or something. And for someone to look at me and think I don’t look like someone that would be with someone of the same gender. I think it allows people to connect with us in different ways and I think there are people who share a connection to both of us or have been in both of our situations. Either they have dated women before or they haven’t but it’s sort of giving people different perspectives. DS: I would say that one of my things I always want to share with people and want to tell people is that you’re not defined by your feelings. Just because you have feelings for a girl or someone in a female body doesn’t automatically mean you have to define yourself as a lesbian. Unless you really want to. I think that’s another thing. I would also see comments, which are a lot of YouTube comments that I get, like “I’m not a lesbian but she’s hot.” “If I was a lesbian, I’d be into her” or “If she was a guy, she’d be hot.” It’s like saying what you’re allowed to based on your gender instead of feeling what you feel and that’s it. I always find it interesting. Like with Ali, she had never dated a female before, but she knew that her feelings met mine. She felt something. But instead of saying “I’m not a lesbian, I’m not going to explore that,” it was “I am into this person very much and I want to know about these feelings.”
AE: You premiered the video with The Ally Coalition. How did you guys get involved with them and what can you tell us about your own organization, Be More Heroic? AS: I grew up with Jack Antonoff, one of the members of FUN. and his sister, Rachel started the Ally Coalition and when Dani and I were working with the PR company on the video, we thought it’d be a great idea to link up with them because the Ally Coalition and Fun are perfectly aligned with what we’re doing. So I talked to Jack and Rachel and they were excited about sharing it. DS: And they had just started the Ally Coalition a month prior to the video release so it was really perfect timing to have something new fun relevant content to put on their site. Be More Heroic, it was started before I met Ali. My friend Justin and I and a couple of other friends started it which is a approach to the anti-bullying moment. We want people to be proactive and more compassionate. We want people to be compassionate to everyone, including the bullies, and really inspire kids to take more positive action. And so we travel to schools and perform in schools and then I met Ali and another girl named Joey, I met her also at the Glee Project callbacks and I was sitting at dinner with both of them and I said “Oh my gosh, you guys are so perfect for Be More Heroic. I’d love to talk to you guys about it after this is all over.” At that point I had no idea what was to come for Ali and I, no idea we were going to make it onto the show, I just knew in my heart. We were talking all about bullying and exclusion and things like that that happened when we were in school. And I was like “Guys, I can’t wait to share this with you.” and the moment I told Justin, one of the co-founders about it, he was really excited. Then after The Glee Project was done, we synched up and now they’re both co-founders of the project.
One: The Winter EP is out today and features “One” as well as Ali and Dani’s “Let it Snow” duet.
For more information on Be More Heroic, visit bemoreheroic.com. Dani and Ali will perform together at the EP release party December 20 at Birdland in NYC.
