“Project Runway” recap: One Man Monkey (Ep. 10.5)


Last week on Project Runway, we played a weird form of musical chairs: Andrea left! Then Kooan left! Then Raul came back! Then Buffi was eliminated! Then I passed out! Luckily, I think the drama level for this episode will cool slightly back to normal.

Although perhaps not, as we soon learn it’s going to be a group challenge this week, which are always the worst. As evidenced by three of the contestants then saying, “I don’t like working with others! GRRR HULK ANGRRYYYY.” Okay, maybe they didn’t say it exactly like that, but it was close. They are full of rage and disappointment already, which is always a great way to start your work day!

On top of that, their primary client is going to be Nina Garcia for Marie Claire magazine. Okay, Marie Claire At Work magazine, which I guess is a thing. Since the ladies who just read the regular magazine don’t work. Duh.

As soon as Nina comes out, all the designers’ faces turn white and slack-jawed in horror. Seriously, not one of them looks happy. I personally want to cheer every time this fierce specimen of a woman is on the screen. Nina Garicia 4 Life.

She explains that they’ll be working in two teams to create collections for the “working woman.” Which of course means “working woman who only specifically works in fancy offices. Sorry, the rest of y’all!” But I digress. Sonjia is called up first as she won last week’s challenge, so she gets to choose the first person to be on her team. And hence begins the wretched choosing game. I hate whenever this happens on Project Runway, and what I really mean is that I hate whenever this happens in life ever. As the last people to get chosen sit and nervously wait for someone to please God choose them, it’s uncomfortable for everyone all around. There’s a reason most sane people don’t want to ever go back to high school. Gunnar and Raul end up being the last chosen to each team respectively, and not shockingly, they both seem pissed about it.

So we end up with a Team of Six:

And an uber-manly Team of Five:

Team 6 has most of my faves–Sonjia, Alicia, Dmitry–but also the strongest clashing personalities which are going to result in a classic shitshow. This becomes obvious from the get-go when they sit down to hammer out ideas for the collection and Raul decides to take a “I am going to disagree with everything anyone says, because I am defensive about being in the bottom and already getting kicked off this show once and you bitches picked me last for your team and I am angry, so there!” stance. Which is always a fun and mature stance! No, just kidding, it’s awful.

Team 5 meanwhile is whipping up ideas like they are The Greatest Of All Time And We All Know It, Ha Ha Ha! Well, Except For Gunnar, Who We Really Wish Wasn’t Here! Ha Ha!

Off to Mood. Coordinating fabrics within large groups of people for a plethora of different looks in an extremely small amount of time seems like hell. If I had to do it, I would probably resort to saying, “You guys do it!,” while I curled up in a fetal position with Swatch. Exhibit #343 of why I should never be on a reality TV show.

When we return to the workroom, the drama starts happening right away when Elena realizes they are missing a bag from Mood containing some important wool she needed for a jacket. Hence commences an entire episode of Elena freaking the hell out about things. Christopher says, “I feel like she’s just escaped from the woods. She is an animal right now,” which I want to take as a rude comment, but which in fact is rather accurate. Just assume that for the rest of the episode, she will be zooming around the workroom, yelling and cursing with a random shout of “I hate this!” every now and then, while Raul continues to be an asshole about things, and you have a pretty accurate picture of Team 6.

However, when Tim comes in to check on their progress, Team 6 actually, somehow, has more work done than the Cool and Collected Team 5 does, and their work looks good, too. Whereas Tim questions a lot of the material choices Team 5 has made. So who knows! Team 6 could make it work!

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