“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.07): The ties that bind


Everyone, grab a bag of peanuts and find a seat in the bleachers. The Bullet and Blast Symposium is in town. Maura and Mama Rizzoli are sprucing up the Division One Café. But Jane is busy stealing doughnuts. Mama R scolds her and tells her to stop playing with the doughnuts and help. Jane whines back that she’s not playing, “this is playing.” And then she proceeds to put her finger through the doughnut hole and spin it around her finger. It’s a move that feels so familiar, so right. Finger into hole and wiggle. You can practically see Maura blush with recognition.

Jane says she doesn’t understand why Maura agreed to host the event herself. Apparently somebody left her severed head in refrigerator problem at the convention center last year. Don’t you just hate when you leave those behind?

The bread delivery guy Dominick comes in with bags full of delicious, delicious carbs and Mama R asks Jane if she remembers him. Jane is all, “Of course, dude I don’t know from a hole in the doughnut.” But then he offers her one of her “favorite” ciabatta rolls and she’s all like, “Oh, baked goods, how could I forget thee.” She tells Maura she should try one, because she’s a sharer and a carer. But Maura tells her, “White flour only uses the endosperm.” Which puts Jane right off her roll because nothing ruins a good nosh for a gay lady like the mention of anything sperm. So Jane tells her, “It’s awful to eat with you.”

Move over Dr. Scholl’s, this week BEAUTIFUL TOYOTA is here to be our gratuitous product placement. I’ve got to hand it to Toyota though, they’ve advertised with Pretty Little Liars and Rizzoli & Isles now. If Callie and Arizona buy a new Prius they’ll have the hat trick of lesbo-tising. Mama R has been given her BEAUTIFUL TOYOTA for free by the makers of some crappy canned espresso.

Dr. Pike rolls in with copious bags and promptly tells Det. Rizzoli that she looks “stunning.” Maura shoots her girlfriend a, “Oh, hell no, he did not hit on my lady!” face. Pike then condescends in the truly clueless way only he can condescend by saying he has an obligation to show his cutting-edge techniques to his less skilled colleagues. Maura is having none of it, especially after he made eyes at her woman, and snaps at him about how he can’t tell the difference between a .38 and .45 caliber bullet.

The rest of the forensic scientists show up and let me just say none are anywhere near as hot/glamorous/gay as Dr. Maura Isles. We’ve got Dr. Billy Ray (played by country star Craig Morgan), the medical examiner from Texas with the 10-gallon black hat, and Dr. Popov, the Russian guy who put vodka in his coffee thermos and calls Mama R “girl” – but not in a cute way. Jane’s phone buzzes and it’s another mystery text. She’s been receiving texts from someone calling her, “hon.” Maura is naturally concerned because no one calls Det. Jane Rizzoli “hon” but her.

Pike says something asinine, because that’s all he ever says, and the ladies are saved by murder again. They go to investigate the husband-and-wife psychologists shot in their office. One of them is Dr. Eve, the infamous kid-hating shrink who writes books like Love Without Kids, No Womb for Children and No Need to Breed. Is someone trying to send our ladies a not-so-subtle message? Maybe this means we won’t be seeing the pregnant not-lesbian, totally lesbian storyline between Jane and Maura.

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