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Great LezBritain: “Lip Service” Recap – Season 2, Episode 1

Well here we reside again, Lip Servants. It’s been a long time coming. We’ve personally gone through a lot in the interim period – moved house twice and we’ve felt a lot of complex emotions about world events. We’ve felt nothing about Lip Service though, because it hasn’t been on.

Sarah: You know it takes a decent amount of time to make a TV programme. Lee: They made it ages ago, Sarah; you know that. It’s just been sitting there gathering dust and people have been going mental in their heads waiting and waiting … just going mental.

But anyway, here it is now; Lip Service, Series 2, Episode 1. Roll credits and let’s get this lesbian house party started.

Oh gosh, it’s like we’ve never been away, Frankie is sitting on the floor in her flat looking forlorn, yet “vesty.” Which is always good. She also has slightly longer hair, but it is still messy enough to pass for a lesbian barnet. She’s looking through a huge pile of unpaid bills, but really she’s pining for Cat. The angst and pining is soundtracked beautifully by Aidan Moffat from Arab Strap‘s dulcet, wasted tones.

Lee: Really nice music choice. Frankie and Aidan would have a brilliant night out in Glasgow together, don’t you think? Sarah: I don’t think they’d survive the eve.

Meanwhile Cat is just back from Rio with beau DS Sam Murray. They look happy and Sam has bought Cat a necklace of love and it’s good to see them together all giggly, although Cat must be gutted about her crap tan. Before they even unzip a suitcase, they unzip each other and have a little roll.

Tess seems to be the sole spectator at a football field, uncomfortably watching Fin, her electrician girlfriend playing in a match. Tess watches with about as much enthusiasm as someone forced to watch Channel 5’s Candy Bar Girls on repeat for three days. Post-match, a few of the football team go to a café for a hearty sausage. Tess shoots the breeze with this jovial bunch, but the differences are laid bare: Tess wears a red beret and fur jacket and wants to go to the theatre, while her girlfriend wears football stripes and likes to play football with ladies called “Badger.” The question mark falls. Will this relationship last? The tension is palpable.

Frankie has no job and thus has no pounds, so she and Tess need a flat-mate to ease their financial woes. So far they’ve just had a man-pervert and a drunk woman apply and they are not keen. Let it be known that as long as you confiscate all candles and matches, a drunken woman is an amazing addition to any flatshare situation, so they should not have been so hasty with this decision. Frankie then enquires after her love, Cat.

Tess: Er, yeah. They’re back. She left me a message earlier.
Frankie leaves and makes her way to Cat and DS Murray’s window.

Sarah: I’ve never known anyone to ever stare up at windows as much as Frankie does. Well apart from this one weird fella when I was a student but let’s not talk about that. Lee: OK? I don’t know what is to be gained by staring up at windows Sarah: Nothing. Or else there would always be streets full of people staring up at windows.

Frankie continues to stare up at the window, but DS Murray appears, fiddling with a curtain with her hands. This makes Frankie feel like shit. Damn DS Murray for being in her own home, demonstrating at that very moment that you should never underestimate a woman’s touch. Tess and Ed are in a vintage clothes shop and Tess tells Ed about Frankie’s lack of sexual happenings since Sadie. Ed declares he’s had no fumbles of his own even though he’s now a fully-fledged author, and this is a bugger for him, so to speak. Tess explains that although the differences between her and girlfriend Fin are rife (i.e. football gear vs. a red beret), the sex is topnotch. This is how to kick a man when he is down. Tess receives a call from a potential flat-mate and little Ed looks at the woman minding the shop, hoping that she might like to mind him.

Cat knocks on Frankie’s door wearing a wide eyed expression of terror that makes us think she must not like Frankie’s new haircut.

Cat: How have you been? Frankie: I’ve been better. It’s not been fun sitting around waiting to find out what you want. Cat: Well, now you know how it feels. Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.
Frankie offers Cat some tea, but because we are really good at textual analysis, we can tell you that really she is offering herself. Cat has just popped round to tell Frankie that their sexual endeavors must not continue, for she doesn’t want to lose a hot cop like DS Murray, so she refuses the tea. Because we are really good at reading between the lines, and Lee has a degree in media studies, we can tell you that once again “tea” is just a euphemism for sex, so what has happened here is that Cat has refused to have sex with Frankie.

Frankie asks Cat if this means she doesn’t love her. Cat’s eyes widen some more and Frankie goes for a lip-smacker. Cat takes it on for a few seconds before pulling away, leaving the flat, and Frankie in it, frustrated.

Cat arrives outside her office and shouts: “F–k.” The Americans might think this is a bit weird, but we can assure you that’s how we Brits greet every new day at our workplace. Jay is inside also with a new barnet – we much preferred the old one – looking up women on the internet, which is the kind of work ethic that allowed us Brits to build an empire. On Cat’s request they go to the office rooftop and smoke a joint. The Americans might think this bit is weird, but we can assure you that’s just how we Brits solve problems in the workplace.

Cat tells Jay that she and Frankie were sleeping together before she went on holiday with DS Murray. Jay asks about her feelings for Frankie but Cat just wants to get giddy on drugs and not talk about this sort of caper.

Frankie goes to see her mum for a cup of tea. (This time, it really is just a cup of tea.) She tells her mum about her Cat yearnings. It’s not exactly Swiss Family Robinson, but Frankie needs a shoulder and her mum’s will do very nicely it seems. The advice has been flowing for only a few minutes however when Frankie’s mum suddenly ushers her out the backdoor. Frankie’s mum’s husband is home and she isn’t ready to introduce her illegitimate Eleanor/Frankie child to her old man just yet.

Sarah: This is all rather upsetting Lee: It’s no wonder Frankie wants to drink tea with different girls all the time

Cat and Jay are sauntering around the office, smiling like hippies because they are stoned out of their nut. Their boss tells them that they need to do a pitch in 45 minutes. This could be a triumphant disaster.

Frankie is sitting in the park, smoking. She spots Sadie, The Artful Dodgeress, who is randomly sitting by the river’s edge reading a book, smoking. She looks like a character in a Velvet Underground song. Frankie approaches her and blames her for this, that, and the other, but mainly for withdrawing her cheap rent which meant she and Tess had to move and find a flatmate. Sadie cooly explains that she was fired for giving them the cheap rent and then shoots Frankie down without ever changing her bored expression:

Sadie: It’s not my fault you’re unhappy, Frankie. Sort yourself out and stop acting like a f–king c–k.
Lee: I totally heart Sadie. Sarah: I heart her with all of my heart.

Back at the ranch, the potential flatmate arrives in the form of a very pleasant Australian lady in a biker jacket, who we will all come to know soon as Sexy Lexy. Like many of the women around the UK watching on their TV screens at home, Tess just stares openmouthed until it’s a little awkward, and a little bit of drool comes tip toeing out.

Sexy Lexy invites herself in, promising that she isn’t a serial killer, but admitting that she is a little bit weird. Those two facts are all you need to know about a potential housemate. She then makes a not very funny joke about bestiality, but of course Tess – and all of the women around the UK – laugh anyway, because she’s very attractive, so it would be rude not to. Lee: I like the way she looks at Tess here, like she knows it wasn’t funny, but knew Tess would laugh anyway, but not in a horrid way. I don’t really know what I’m saying. I just liked her face. Sarah: I like her walk. I’d like to make her and DS Murray have a swagger-off down a long street.

There then follows a silly discussion whereby Tess is amazed that Sexy Lexy likes Johnny Cash and Sexy Lexy says it’s a guilty pleasure. Johnny Cash really isn’t a guilty pleasure; he’s just a pleasure and it’s not that weird for people to like him, is it? We’re not talking about Billy Ray Cyrus here; we’re talking the man in black.

Sexy Lexy then notices the script for Tess’ play and says how much she loves that “bloody miserable” play. Her words are like a cupid’s arrow right into Tess’s lovely little heart and she beams and blushes as she tells Sexy Lexy that she’s playing the lead in the play at the Tron Theatre. Sexy Lexy looks genuinely impressed and she shows it by striding across the room and ripping Tess’s clothes off. Er, that didn’t happen. Sorry, save it for the fan fiction. What actually happens is that Tess offers Sexy Lexy some tea. Sarah: Is this sex or tea? Lee: I think its tea – but with extra sugar.

Back to Cat, the drug abuser, who is in the office toilet splashing her face with cold water and exhaling in a frantic manner like it might be possible to just blow the drugs right out of her system. The Jaygermeister bursts in treating the whole thing like a big old jape until his infectious lunacy takes Cat too and she laughs.

As the presentation begins, Jay and Cat are still smiling at the room like a couple of very simple children. Cat absent-mindedly stutters some nonsense about flowers before blurting out “Begonias,” while Jay works his way through a box of biscuits. The finale of the pitch involves Cat spitting a glass of water over herself, Jay, and the potential clients.

Back at the flat and Tess and Sexy Lexy are getting on like a house on fire, until Frankie arrives home and fills the room with doom. Frankie has of course slept with Sexy Lexy, and by her own admission then behaved like a c–k by leaving without saying goodbye. Sexy Lexy is about to leave until Tess begs Frankie to make it right.

Frankie: Lexy, you’re right, I was out of line. It’s no excuse but I was pretty messed up at the time and you just got caught up with that. I’m sorry. Lexy (looks at Tess): Ah, f–k it. Life’s too short to bear a grudge.
Tess looks delighted. There’s a knock at the door and Frankie goes to answer it, inviting Lexy to meet them for drinks at Rubies that night to see how they all get on. Tess is beaming with love at Sexy Lexy when Fin arrives and kisses her on the cheek. Tess backs off offering beers, leaving Fin to introduce herself as Tess’ girlfriend.

Cat and DS Murray are getting ready for a night out. The DS presents herself to Cat:

DS Murray: Will I do?
A hurricane of women around the country scream: “Yes, of course! You’re the hot cop!”

They have some banter about police cars and truncheons and then Cat asks Sam if she wants to go out without her because she’s knackered.

Sarah: Why would Sam go out with Cat’s friends without her like some sort of loser? Lee: And it’s incredibly shit that Cat can’t face Frankie but she’d let Sam go and hang out with her. Sarah: She’s got a right cheek if truth be told.

Sam thinks Cat is tired and broody because of the stoned pitch from earlier and tells Cat that she could do with a few drinks. Cat agrees but says they aren’t staying long. Cat looks very pretty in this scene, although she has deceitful eyes, due to all the deceit that’s occurring right now. The whole gang is at Rubies – including new girl Sexy Lexy – and Tess makes a toast to Ed’s book deal. Ed thanks them all and gives a nice little speech, but it’s difficult to concentrate on the words because there’s a lot of sighs and heaving bosoms and tricky looks being chucked back and forth across the table between Cat and Frankie.

It seems Ed is slightly peeved that he’s in a gay bar so can’t get laid to celebrate his success. Jay tells him that you can get laid anywhere so long as you embody the three Cs: Cocky, Confidence and Charm. Frankie agrees:

Frankie: Women can sense if you’re nervous. You’ve got to approach them like you’re the hot restaurant everyone wants to dine in. Sam: Alternatively Ed, you could just try being friendly and see if you have anything in common? Frankie (laughing): Yeah, if you want to send people to sleep. Sam (sharply): Yeah? It worked for me.
Frankie raises an eyebrow and drinks her beer. Sarah: Well that was a little verbal shoot out. Who do you think came out as the victor? Lee: I got confused. I thought Frankie said take a girl to a hot restaurant and I started thinking about food.

The atmosphere is a little awkward so Jay breaks it by asking Sexy Lexy what she does:

Lexy: I’m a doctor in A&E at Queens. Sam: I virtually lived there when I was training. Friday night, the chundering piss artist brigade.
Lexy very deliberately stares right at the hot cop’s breasts: “It must have been before my time or I’d remember you.”

Well, this is very flirty, and is spotted by Tess. But again Jay distracts the situation by announcing he’s got drugs and inviting everyone to share. Frankie and Lexy are in, but Tess has her first rehearsal the next day, and Ed says very emphatically” “No way.”

Cut to Frankie, Lexy, Jay and Ed all crammed into one toilet cubicle as Jay cuts up the cocaine and they all take a turn, until it comes to Ed, who says:

Ed: What if something goes wrong and I’m dead in the papers?
Sexy Lexy, the doctor, tells Ed that people don’t normally drop dead unless they have a heart condition, and then helpfully adds that it’s a fairly quick end anyway and Ed decides to give it a go.

Cat goes to the bathroom and Frankie is still lurking around in there. There’s some tense handwashing and then Frankie removes a clip from Cat’s hair. It seems like they might kiss, but instead Frankie leaves Cat looking confused in the toilet.

In the bar, Fin and DS Murray are having a right good laugh, when Tess returns laden with tiny, free bottles of shots. Cat returns to the table and looks murderously over at Frankie and Sexy Lexy laughing about something. She downs her drink and then snaps at Sam.

Just then Fin notices some of her team mates arriving:

Fin: Tigger, Badger, over here.
The girls immediately begin discussing football and Tess beckons to Cat to make an escape. This whole butch vs. femme thing with Fin’s friends is a little dull and we couldn’t care for it much, so we’re going to skip over this bit to instead discuss Ed’s dancing.

It’s phenomenal. He looks like a camp Ian Curtis, and the boys at Rubies love him. Cat asks Tess if Sexy Lexy is going to move in and looks aghast at the news that she and Frankie have previously bumped uglies. At that moment Frankie and Sexy Lexy put their jackets on and head towards the exit. Cat’s eyes widen even more. They are distracted by an over-excited Ed who is delighted by the attention he’s receiving from the gay boys on the dancefloor.

Jay: Have drugs made you gay?
Ed dances off gaily.

Outside Frankie and Sexy Lexy are having a smoke. Lexy asks if Frankie is OK and she tells her that it’s just bog-standard girl woes. Lexy then asks, with no subtlety at all, if Sam and Cat are a couple. Frankie says yes but she shouldn’t let that put her off, and Lexy looks amused, probably understanding that Cat is the girl giving Frankie the woes.

Inside, Tess, Ed and Jay are dancing like there’s no one watching. Tess does some impressive headbanging until she falls right over onto the dancefloor.

Lee: That is the best scene yet. Rewind it. Sarah: So very good, so yes, let us take it on one more time.

Cat is at the bar drinking wine and generally being miserable. Sam comes over and asks if she is okay, and because she is a topnotch girlfriend, agrees without argument to leave when Cat says she’s just really tired. Frankie and Sexy Lexy come back through the smoking door just in time to see the pair exit and Frankie looks like she’s smelled something unpleasant. Cat and Sam arrive home.

Sam: I’m ready to hit the hay; I’m getting way too old to party on a school night.

Lee: The last time anyone said “hit the hay” must have been the last time DS Murray had a school night.

Cat: [In a really snide tone] Pick up your towel from the bathroom floor on the way.

Sarah: What?

Sam: Yeah, if you ask me nicely maybe?

Cat: [Pouring more wine] I just wish you’d tidy up after yourself.

Sam tells Cat that she knows she’s stressed out about the pitch and taking it out on her. She rightly stomps off to bed and Cat chucks something on the floor, which makes her a total hypocrite as well as a cheat and a liar.

Back at Rubies, Frankie is downing shots and accessing the room with hungry eyes, she is now on a mission to fill her Cat shaped hole with another. She spots her prey sitting alone at the bar and makes her move, fully embodying all of the three C’s and the fourth C – cocaine.

Cat gets into bed with Sam and rubs her shoulder and says sorry that she’s a harpy one. Sam agrees but tells her that she is a loveable harpy. We do not agree, but it’s not our place to come in the middle of this and make judgment. Or is it? Sam then tells her that everything will be OK and that good things happen to good people. Well, Cat must be shitting herself now.

Frankie arrives home with some blonde bit from the bar. The blonde makes nervous conversation as Frankie seems to have become a mute. She picks up one of Tess’ herbal boxes of tea:

Blonde: Whoa, Hibiscus and Goji Berry? Who knew?
Lee: Ah, using the old tea/sex rhetorical concept, are we? Sarah: The Goji Berry reference is definitely leading to sexy time, not tea time.

They have a beer and the blonde goes in for a snog but Frankie has stage fright and can’t go through with it. To try to get her back in the mood, the blonde says: “Are we doing this or not?” In her Glaswegian accent, this sounds more like a threat so we can’t blame Frankie for opting out. The blonde is annoyed and calls the general lesbian population a bunch of f–k-ups before leaving.

Lee: She was a good extra. They should give her a proper part. Sarah: I thought her hair was a triumph.

It’s the day of Tess’ first rehearsal, but she feels like shit and looks like an old mop (copyright Bridesmaids). Frankie gives her a pep talk and then tells her that they should invite Sexy Lexy to live with them. Tess is keen but worried that Frankie might sleep with her again. Frankie uses excellent observation skills to observe that Tess might have a little crush on Lexy.

Lee: I wish there was more little scenes with Frankie and Tess being friends and hanging out

Sam tells Cat that she’ll cook that night because she’s invited her partner Ryder and his girlfriend for dinner. Cat has forgotten about this because all she can think about is, Did Frankie f–k Lexy? Sam says they can’t cancel again and Cat agrees with an obvious lack of enthusiasm. Sarah: Selfish

Tess is getting ready for her rehearsal and because she’s nervous, hungover and not feeling her outfit, she does what all good lesbians do and projects it onto her girlfriend. Thus another sign that Tess is not feeling Fin as her perfect match, which mainly seems to be due to Fin’s friendship with the cast of Winnie The Pooh.

Lee: I like Fin, She seems to think the world of Tess. So if Tess doesn’t like the football, she should just not watch the football. Sarah: This episode is basically shitting all over good girlfriends.

Tess arrives at the rehearsal early and practices saying her name a few times, wrecks a few props and then settles down on a couch to read her script. To make herself more comfortable she removes the multiple bottles of free shots that she got last night from her jacket pocket.

Cat arrives at work and asks Jay if Frankie and Lexy went home together. Jay doesn’t know.

Jay: I thought you were happy with Sam. Cat: I am happy; she’s beautiful and kind and I don’t want to lose her. Jay: Look I feel bad saying this. Frankie’s my mate, but she’s not exactly the most reliable. Cat: Do you think I wouldn’t put her behind me if I could? What would you do?
This is a silly person to ask for advice and predictably Jay says he would keep shagging them both but acknowledges his shortcomings as a relationship advice counselor.

Tess’ director and castmates arrive to find her asleep on the couch surrounded in bottles of shots, reeking of booze. They wonder if she’s a homeless person who has broken into the theatre until the director recognises her and wakes her up. The director tells her that he discourages alcohol at rehearsals and doesn’t look convinced when she says they were just in her pocket. He seems to give her the benefit of the doubt and offers her some tea.

Sarah: Just tea. Lee: Some really patronising tea.

The castmates regard her like she’s a drunk lady they’ve just found asleep in the green room, except one of the actors who shows her a hipflask in his own pocket with a wink.

Frankie is moping around on her bed looking at a Sid James postcard that Cat gave her in days of yore.

At the rehearsal, the cast are “getting to know each other.” Nora, played beautifully by Sinead Keenan from Being Human, is an actress so mean and bitter that lemon pips shoot from her eyeballs with every breath from her sour mouth. She faux-modestly regales the cast with how wonderful she is, and all of the fabulous roles she’s known for, before having a fake argument with one of the other actors Timothy about who is the most brilliant.

Nora: I’m not the one that has just been nominated for a Spanish BAFTA, you talented bastard.
The hipflask actor has also been in many major TV shows but laughs that he just plays every weathered drunk going. Nora then turns her forked tongue on Tess to ask what she has done.
Tess: Mainly bits of telly. Casualty, The Bill, nothing very exciting. Hipflask fan (helpfully): I have a friend who was in The Bill, maybe you know him, Johnny Stevens? Tess: Er, I wasn’t in it for very long, it was just a small part. Nora: Go on, amuse us. What were your lines? Tess: Oh, I can’t really remember. Nora: Don’t be a spoilsport, course you can. Tess: [Stutters] Well, it wasn’t really lines as such, eh, it was more like a – a noise. Well, like an exhalation of air. I was a corpse that they found in the river and when they pulled me out I made like a, huuuuuuuh sound – because corpses have air in them.
Lee & Sarah: HAHAHAHAHAHA.

The hipflask man tries to help her out with a self-deprecating quip and Nora says with all the authenticity of a hair extension, “Well done you. From corpse to Sonia in one fell swoop. That is, quite an achievement. You must be thrilled.”

There follows a few seconds of “brilliant eye contact acting” between Tess and Nora. We do not believe this is an actual proper acting term, but this is how we can best describe it. In those few seconds of glances they tell the whole story of jealous older actress and naïve ingénue and the realisation of the differing levels of pain they are both about to endure throughout this rehearsal process.

At the architect’s office where no one does any work, an envelope has been couriered to Cat. It’s the Sid James postcard and Frankie has added the words “Dear Babs, Let’s carry on, Sid x.” Just then Alistair the homophobe comes over to tell Cat and Jay that the client loved their pitch and they got the business.

Lee: Really? Remind me not to bother doing any work in the future. I’ll just spit out water at people’s faces instead. Sarah: Yes and I’ll just spontaneously shout out types of flowers in between shoving biscuits into my mouth.

Because he is a massive wanker, Alistair then tells Jay that he has to lead the project. Jay makes a joke about it, but Cat is rightly upset and Jay tells her to make a complaint. Instead Cat throws something and shouts, “F–k it and f–k him! I don’t give a f–k anymore!”

A little later and Cat is looking at the Sid James postcard and smiling. She tells Jay that she’s going to try doing the wrong thing for a change and leaves the office. There are no buildings being designed in Glasgow for yet another day.

Frankie arrives at a café to meet Cat who is already there waiting and drinking wine again.

Cat: Did you go home with Lexy last night?
Sarah: Oh change the f–king record, Cat.
Frankie: [Smiles] Well, what do you care? Cat: You know I do. Frankie: If you must know, I went home with someone else but I couldn’t go through with it. Cat: I can’t leave Sam. Frankie: Yes, you told me that yesterday. Cat: But we could still see each other. If you want me, this is the way you can have me until I’ve worked out what to do. Frankie: So, I’m supposed to sit on the sidelines while you continue to f–k your wife? Cat: Forget it, it was a stupid idea.

Lee: Yes, yes it was Cat.

Cat gets up to go but Frankie stops her and next thing they are in the lane outside going at it, hammer and tong, and Frankie accidentally snaps the necklace that DS Murray bought Cat on holiday, but instead of being brought to her senses, Cat says, ” F–k that and f–k me.”

Lee: I’ve rarely been so angry at a fictional character, although I was close when Ross and Rachel were not on a break. Sarah: This behaviour is why I don’t like Cats generally. They’re fickle and selfish and you never really know what’s going on in their heads. Lee: They can turn at any minute.

Sam and her friends are waiting for Cat, and the carefully prepared meal is getting ruined. When Cat arrives home, she lies that her mobile phone was out of battery. She tells Sam and friends that she just has to go wash the sex off and she’ll be out in ten minutes. She doesn’t actually say that, but we all know because in this episode textual analysis is our friend.

At dinner, Ryder asks if Sam and Cat are thinking of buying a house together. Awkwardly Sam says yes as Cat says it’s too soon. Cat tells them about winning the pitch, but that Jay has been put in charge. Because she’s an excellent girlfriend, DS Murray looks concerned, rubs her and says she’s sorry. Cat reacts by downing the rest of her wine and delivering her new mantra of not giving a shit anymore. This is one of the worst dinner parties ever. Frankie arrives home for a post-coital fag and takes Cat’s broken necklace out of her pocket and smiles.

Cat is sozzled and holed up in the toilet when Sam knocks. She says sorry for drinking so much and Sam tells her not to let Alistair get to her so much. Cat tells Sam that she loves her with wide eyed intensity. Sam says she knows, but really her detective skills should be telling her that something else in this relationship is wrong by now. They hug and Cat looks wide eyed and terrified. The End.

Sarah: Well, there we are then, a good start? Lee: Definitely good start, lots of drama and lots of laughs. Sarah: Liked Sexy Lexy, nice little moment with Sadie. Lee: I’m very upset for Sam and really angry at Cat and I do hope this cheating doesn’t drag on.

So lesbi-friends, we’re here, we’re queer and what did you think of the first episode?

Lip Service airs every Friday on BBC3 at 9pm. Follow the show on Twitter @lipservice_bbc3.

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