“The Real L Word” minicap: Episode Two “Game On!”


And we’re back. Curious if Tracy permanently traded in her skateboard for a stroller? Wondering if Nikki ignored Jill’s frugality and hired Madonna to sing at her wedding? How many more local companies will Mikey never f—ing work with? Has Rose grown up, even by one day? And is Whitney still circling the airport in her Clam-mobile, in search of more gullible brunettes? Here we go again.

An off-camera interviewer has posed the question, "What kind of lesbian are you?" While wearing a sleeveless silk top, strappy heels and at least three pearl necklaces, Nikki says with a straight face she can be butch.

Tracy polls the crew, "What kind of lesbian do you think I am?" as if they have a clue what’s going on. She settles on being "the kind that likes women." Oh Tracy. You’re missing the whole point of reality television.

Jill brings up a valid issue: You’d never ask a straight person what kind of straight person they are. But then she adds, "These terms are kind of new to me… you love who you love, and can’t the conversation end there?" Last week, she said her first time with a woman was like her first time with a man. Jill can still see Heteroville from her house. But by all means, get married, you crazy kids.

Rose brags she’s a Renaissance lesbian because she thinks "Renaissance" means "a little bit of everything." Well, who has time to read the dictionary when there are shots to be done?

Whitney describes herself as a hard femme-soft butch who cleans up nicely, but can swing a hammer. Mikey swings her imaginary schlong over her shoulder and says she’s a Mikey lesbian. And the world needs more of them. We’re good, thanks.

Whitney’s airport pick up is Tor, a hair stylist and former hook-up. Shocking, I know. Tor is moving to LA to look for movie work, but Whitney suggests she’s moving to be closer to the Clam.

As they exit airport grounds, LAX workers get busy changing those giant entrance letters to read "LA-Ex."

To complicate matters, Tor’s cousin is Alyssa, Whitney’s roommate and ex from years ago. With no job waiting for her, Tor will stay in Whitney’s room until she gets settled. Tor doesn’t realize the bed is still warm from Sara sleeping in it that very morning. What could possibly go wrong?

Mikey reveals that she grew up in the projects, where at 9-years-old, her best friend was shot and killed right before her eyes. Crips, Bloods and little Mikey. Maybe her invisible penis is really her shield.

While Mikey scouts a ginormous sound stage for her upcoming LA Fashion Week event, Tracy is giving Stamie’s kids their afternoon snack. Stamie knows she hit the jackpot: "If Tracy took a second to think about this and break it down, that bitch be running down Ventura Boulevard. And I’d have to stop her. With my vehicle."

OK, but not the face.

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