Archive

The Classroom as a Closet: Talking with Lesbian Schoolteachers

Shaping today’s youth can be a daunting job at times, specifically for teachers, who spend countless hours with our children, doing their best to educate them while serving as a good example, and all while making very little money. It is often said that teachers are the most important people on earth, their patience and genuine concern for the well-being of their students is what sets them apart from any other profession.

Although in today’s society we have seen a drastic shift in the acceptance of out teachers within the public school system, there are still teachers all over the world who keep their sexual orientation a secret, because they are afraid of how the students, the parents or the school will respond. On the flip side, there are many teachers who are out to their students and have found themselves to be the support system for some of their LGBT kids, providing knowledge and guidance to any who might need or want it.

There are, of course, specific scenarios as to why it may or may not be a good idea to come out to your students. To some people in the queer community, it might seem rather offensive to not be true to who you are, no matter where you work. Sadly, in 28 states, it is still legal to be fired from your job because you are gay, and this is something people tend to forget. Aside from that, the type of students teachers are educating, makes a huge difference on whether being out is the best decision.

“I have a few reasons why I am not out to my students,” said Jen G., a teacher for grades six to eight in Michigan. “One being that my students are special education and young and not mature enough to know that detail about my life.”

The age and ability of the students does not always make or break the coming out process for teachers. In speaking with a former high school teacher who is now a principal at an inner-city public school in Michigan, not being out is a matter of safety.

“I have on occasion been called derogatory names, and I just don’t want any more reason for people to come after me,” Holly* said. “I get threatened enough as it is.”

Keeping your sexuality a secret is not something all teachers feel the need to do. There are teachers who live in areas that are much more accepting of the LBGTQ community, not to mention there are certain school districts that embrace their faculty regardless of their orientation.

“Initially, my primary hesitation with coming out stemmed from a fear of how it would impact my relationships with students,” said Erika Rust, who teaches grades nine through 12 in the suburbs of Detroit. “But honestly, if anything, my openness has strengthened relationships and even allowed me to create a safe space for students struggling with their own identities.”

Alison*, a Los Angeles-based educator who has been teaching for 11 years, will sometimes use it as a way to help her fourth and fifth grade students be more accepting.

“They are young and for the most part not interested in with whom I am in a relationship,” Alison said. “I have had kids ask in class if I had a girlfriend and when I respond with, ‘Would it matter if I did?’ the class agreed it didn’t.”

One thing teachers often find as a problem is the use of the word “gay” as an insult. It is no surprise to any of us that the words we use to describe ourselves are used as a way to belittle or insult another person.

“Every year I inevitably have to have the ‘why we don’t use the word gay’ or ‘retard’ as an insult,” Alison said. “I teach them using those words negatively puts down entire groups of people; it isolates and is not a joke.”

“I know what (most) kids at my school think about being gay,” Jen G. said, “and sadly, they immediately associate it with something negative and gross.”

As most of us know, being in the closet can take its toll on anyone, no matter where you work, however, keeping your sexuality a secret from students who are struggling with it themselves can be even more heartbreaking.

“I had a student who was completely going off track, skipping classes, being confrontational-just acting out,” Holly said. “I met with her about her academics, and it turned out she’s struggling with her sexuality. Her mother found out she had a girlfriend and was making her home life difficult, threatening to kick her out of the house, etc. My office became a safe place, and she has since made amends with her mother and is back on track. But she has no idea that I have walked in her shoes and am also gay. Situations like that bother me because I wanted so badly to just tell her I know firsthand that it gets better, and she’s not alone.”

“Not being able to talk about that part of my life is so hard,” Jen G. said. “I would love to openly share things we did over the weekend or vacations we took, but instead of saying ‘my partner,’ I usually say ‘my friend’ or just simply ‘we.’ None of my students ever ask who the ‘friend’ is, but they usually ask a dozen times a year if I have a husband or have kids. It’s hard to keep that stuff in and definitely affects me emotionally.”

In some cases coming out to students can be a positive experience.

“I struggled for a couple years with whether or not to come out to the faculty at school,” Erika said. “It wasn’t until 2007 that I started the process, and it actually started thanks to a couple of students I had at the time. They were twin boys who were seniors who had come out as gay earlier that year, and they invited me to a Gay Straight Alliance meeting, and I attended to support the kids. To my surprise, it was Coming Out Story Day, and when it was my turn to speak, I made the decision then to come out to the students in attendance. It was the first time I told just about anyone at my school with the exception of a couple co-workers.”

Erika said she also hears homophobic slurs being used as insults but “none of my students have voiced negative opinions towards me.”

Being a teacher is something most of us could never fathom doing, not to mention being a queer teacher. Whether they are out to their students and faculty or not, they are dedicating their time to ensure their kids receive the best they can possibly give them. Like any other job, the decision to come out has variables that need to be considered but overall, being a queer teacher can be a very rewarding experience.

“Many LGBTQ students have confided in me about their struggles and fears as well as the positives in their lives,” Erika said. “I am fortunate to work in a building that strives to promote tolerance and diversity, and I have been happy to play a part in a number of projects that empower LGBTQ youth in my school.”

If you are an educator and want more information on LGBT issues within K-12 schools and available resources, visit GLSEN.

*Names have been changed in the interest of anonymity

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button