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How Brittney Griner and Glory Johnson spawned much-needed conversations about intimate lesbian partner violence

Two months ago, on April 22, we ran a piece called “How to Help a Friend Who is Dealing with Same-Sex Intimate Partner Violence.” The very next day, news emerged that celebrated engaged couple Brittney Griner and Glory Johnson had been involved in a domestic dispute at their home in Arizona, and we reported on the news with the facts as they had been announced at the time. In all honesty, it was the first time AfterEllen has dealt with something like this before, but there was no way we could ignore what had happened yet, at the same time, details were minimal and neither of the women had released a statement as of press time. Everything was coming from third parties like their individual WNBA team presidents and vice presidents, or press outlets like AP and TMZ.

Two days after that, we reported on the statement given on Brittney’s behalf:

“The last few months have been an extremely stressful time for Brittney and Glory. They will continue to work through these hardships together and ask that the media respect their privacy as they handle this family matter. Glory and Brittney sincerely apologize for the distraction this has caused their families, respective teams, the WNBA, sponsors and fans.”

On April 27, Glory posted an Instagram message (now deleted) that we included in Morning Brew, which insisted the two were okay and still planning on getting married. And they did, just a few days after the WNBA decided they were both suspended for seven games a piece in the new season. The wedding was featured in People and The New York Times, and, of course, AfterEllen. We wrote “Best wishes to the happy couple!” which felt like the right thing at the time. It was the straddling of a thin line, not wanting to pretend the domestic dispute never happened nor apologizing for it, while also avoiding condemning either of them and passing judgment on what actually went down and what their relationship is like.

Then this week, Glory announced she was pregnant with a baby that would be part of the “Griner-Johnson family.” This was followed by more news the following day: their marriage was going to be annulled. Brittney did an exclusive interview with ESPN, which we ran this past Tuesday, June 9. Brittney is emotional, regretful and seemingly honest about the mistakes she’s made by going through with the marriage when she didn’t think she should, and staying in the heated situation on the night of the arrest.

Both Brittney and Glory were put into relationship counseling and anger management classes after the mutual combat of April 22, and Brittney said it wasn’t the right way to enter into a marriage. She’s still taking her classes and repeated some of the things she’s learned during her interview.

“No matter what it is, walk away,” Brittney told interviewer Kate Fagan of what she learned from the experience. “It never ends good. Domestic violence is never OK no matter what the situation is. Staying there, that was my worst decision. I should have left.”

Today the Daily Beast ran piece from Samantha Allen about the relationship, and it begins with the condescending line: “Glory Johnson’s marriage lasted three days longer than her jersey number.” She refers to Glory and Brittney as having “a history of violence” and writes that the pairing was “unlikely” as “Glory is straight. Or, at least, as straight as a woman who marries another woman can be.” (For the record, Glory has not said how she self-identifies; only said that she’s generally not attracted to females but Brittney was “different.”) Dismissing Glory’s sexuality is strangely placed in a piece that ends up condemning LGBT media for not giving the couple’s dispute enough commentary.

“For an adoring public who had only seen the couple’s private life in the context of fawning LGBT media coverage, the incident came as a shock. It shouldn’t have,” Samantha writes. Her point: Same-sex domestic violence exists and is something we don’t talk about enough. That’s something I completely agree with, but what I take issue with is her saying we shouldn’t be shocked when a couple who, for all the public knows, are blissfully in love and about to marry one another are part of that sad reality. It’s unfair to say that fans of Brittney and Glory are wrong to be shocked. This is the first real high-profile domestic violence dispute that has happened between two women in a relationship, and judging how people receive this news about someone who people look up to, like Brittney Griner, is like saying we shouldn’t be surprised if someone gets cancer because statistically there’s always a chance.

Research that has been done on lesbian partner violence has largely been focused on “mostly white, middle-class lesbians who are sufficiently open about their sexual orientation.” But a report from the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs found that in 2013, “lesbian victims accounted for 28.6% of total homicide victims” in intimate partner violence relationships. The same study found that “LGBTQ people of color were 1.6 times more likely to experience harassment within IPV relationships. In addition, people of color were 2.8 times more likely to experience IPV incidents in streets or public spaces.” The more research being done has led to more ideas on how to help lower these statistics, for all LGBTQ people, including suggestions for policymakers and funders so that our community can become fully educated and aware of what IPV is and how it can be stopped.

In her Daily Beast piece, Samantha Allen cites AfterEllen as having ignored the IPV issue within Brittney and Glory’s relationship:

AfterEllen simply wished their best to “the happy couple” when the pair wed, excerpting the fluffiest bits of the People exclusive while leaving the discussion of domestic violence untouched even though the April incident had occurred just two weeks earlier.

Clearly she missed all of the other reports we have included on the site since. Her point is that the LGBT media has decided to dismiss or ignore the issue of same-sex domestic violence, and specifically in the case of two WNBA players, one of whom is the league’s arguably most famous name and face. I can only speak for AfterEllen when I say that we take domestic violence very seriously, and there are no apologies being made for Brittney or Glory on our behalf. We are less shocked but more sad about what has transpired for them over the last few months. They deserve better partners, to be better partners, to be better people and role models. They are imperfect, and giving them a free pass, or Hope Solo a free pass, would be the same as allowing NFL players to get away with the same in their relationships.

Domestic violence is never, ever, ever okay and same-sex relationships are not immune. The good that can come out of this is the conversation it has spawned, and the learning experience that even those who aren’t directly involved can have. And for Brittney and Glory, hopefully it’s true personal growth that helps them to become stronger people who know how to react should a similar situation present itself.

“It is never OK for an argument to turn physical. This will never happen again, and I take my relationship and my responsibility as a role model seriously,” Brittney said in a statement. “I am committed to making positive changes and I plan to use what I have learned to set a good example and help make a difference in the world around me.”

While it’s still an underserved topic of discussion in the community, there have been some strides on behalf of the show EastEnders, which included a storyline about intimate partner violence in a same-sex female couple, and a book by Leah Horlick we recently reviewed, For Your Own Good. AfterEllen is a site that prides itself on creating and monitoring the visibility LGBT women have in pop culture and mainstream society, and we will not pretend domestic violence is something only straight people have to deal with. But we also won’t do is decide that people like Brittney Griner and Glory Johnson are not worth hoping for; that their individual selves, career and relationships are no longer worth rooting for because they have done themselves and our community wrong.

While Samantha Allen writes Brittney Griner is “no longer a light that can inspire others,” Brittney’s admissions of wrongdoing and repentance has me pulling for her to make a comeback, while never forgetting what she had to rise above to get there. We won’t write Brittany or Glory off as lost causes. You shouldn’t either.

If you or someone you know is involved in a relationship that experiences intimate partner violence, you can find help at one of these organizations: Community United Against Violence, Incite or the Los Angeles LGBT Center.

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