The AfterEllen.com Sapphic Sex Survey Results
Sex: the great mindless pleasure. You probably have it, or have had it, or would like to have it if only some fetching thing would consent to letting you all up in her bits. Last month, AfterEllen asked readers to take an anonymous sex survey about your girl-on-girl experiences. Over six THOUSAND women answered questions on preference, identity, activity, frequency, and everything in between. The result? A bevy of new information on the sex lives of lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, and queer women.
This isn’t just fun; it’s important. Our community has been ignored and marginalized by the majority of sex surveys and studies, which overwhelming focus on heterosexual activity. To everyone who took the survey: thank you. Your contribution made this survey an overwhelming success, and is a valuable asset to AfterEllen and the LGBTQ community.
Now let’s get to the good stuff: what did we find out? First off, let’s break down who you are: a majority (65%) identify as gay/lesbian, followed by bisexual (13%), queer (8%), label free (7%), still figuring it out (4%), and pansexual (2%). I’m proud to say that we have WAY more orgasms than other women, with 72% orgasming always or most of the time. We’re mostly monogamous (76%) and prefer body parts to toys (61%). A striking majority (92%) have never used a dental dam. We bang our friends (58%) but not our friends exes (79%). 55% first had sex with a woman as an adult, between 18-30. We’re NOT exhibitionists (91%) or voyeurs (77%) so bro, if you see two girls kissing, kindly put your dick away and fuck off. Finally, a majority (77%) dislike or have never tried scissoring, so that’s settled.
Here are some of the survey’s highlights, followed by the rest of the results. Enjoy and discuss!
Do you identify as strictly monogamous?
76% said yes
24% said no
We love a relationship.
Do you identify as polyamorous?
6% said yes
94% said no
How often do you have sexual fantasies?
6% said hourly
33% said daily
32% said several times a week
20% said several times a month
10% said rarely
Have you ever used a strap on?
45% said yes
55% said no
Almost a 50/50 split with the NOs winning. Clearly queer women don’t need toys to get off, and get off GOOD.
Do you talk dirty in bed?
43% said yes
35% said no
22% said I have before, but am not that into it
Not a fan of dirty talk? Totally normal. It can be weird to be all like “fuck me harder slut” the masters student who made you tea.
How often would you (ideally) like to have sex?
22% said every day
64% said a few times a week
13% said a few times a month
1% said a few times a year
Daily sex sounds fun, but realistically we’ve all got shit to do.
How often do you currently have sex?
3% said every day
25% said a few times a week
39% said a few times a month
33% said a few times a year
At first glance, 33% of queer women having sex only a few times a year seemed odd. However, for single women, sex a few times a year is pretty typical across the board. It is better to be alone than to be in bad company.
When was the last time you had sex?
7% said today
32% said within the last week
23% said within the last month
17% said within the last year
14% said over a year ago
A healthy majority had sex recently. I wonder whether the 14% who haven’t had sex in over a year are lacking opportunity or interest?
Are you happy with your sex life?
41% said yes
44% said no
15% said I don’t know
The majority of queer women are unhappy or unsure about their sex life? Time to crank it up a notch, ladies.
Have you ever tried BDSM?
50% said no, and I don’t want to.
24% said yes
27% said no, but I want to
Half of queer women say “no me gusta” to 50 Shades of Grey.
Do you have a vibrator?
58% said yes
42% said no
Yay for the majority knowing what’s up.
Have you ever tried anal sex?
35% said yes
11% said no, but I want to
54% said no, and I don’t want to
Mixed feelings about butt stuff.
How often do you masturbate?
9% said daily
33% said several times a week
20% said weekly
19% said several times a month
12% said monthly
3% said yearly
4% said never
To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance.
Do you watch porn?
71% said yes
29% said no
If so, how often?
1% said daily
10% said several times a week
13% said weekly
19% said several times a month
23% said monthly
13% said yearly
20% said never
We’re still watching a lot less porn than dudes.
What type of porn do you prefer?
27% said Girl on Girl
6% said Guy on Girl
9% said Guy on Guy
5% said Mixed gender
4% said Queer specific
30% said All of the above
19% said I don’t watch porn
Variety is the spice of life.
Have you ever lied to a sexual partner about how many partners you’ve had?
24% said yes
76% said no
Surprisingly honest, you lot. Or maybe queer women are more likely to be feminists and therefore less likely to slut shame?
Have you ever had a threesome with two women?
13% said yes
41% said no, but I want to
45% said no, and I don’t want to
Persuading one girl to sleep with me is tricky enough, never mind two simultaneously.
Have you ever had group sex with three or more women?
4% said yes
28% said no, but I want to
68% said no, and I don’t want to
That’s a lot of complicated anatomy to take care of. Not to mention feelings.
Do you prefer finger penetration or oral sex?
15% said finger penetration
24% said oral sex
41% said both equally
1% said neither
19% said depends on the girl
Have you ever had sex with a coworker?
34% said yes
66% said no
I suppose it depends how many queer women you work with.
Have you ever had sex with a friend’s ex?
21% said yes
79% said no
Proud of you girls. Way to keep the drama down.
Have you ever had sex in a public place?
64% said yes
36% said no
Most of us have had some stealthy sex.
Have you ever had sex in water?
54% said yes
46% said no
What do you think of scissoring?
23% said like it
36% said don’t like it
26% said never tried it, but would
15% said never tried it, and would not
Less than a quarter of us like scissoring. LET THAT BE THE END OF THE SCISSORING QUESTIONS, heteros.
Do you consider yourself a sexual exhibitionist?
9% said yes
91% said no
This means if you see two women kissing: leave us the fuck alone. Do not comment. Do not stop to watch. Do not voice your appreciation. Do not express that you’re ok with it/love Ellen. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
Do you consider yourself a sexual voyeur?
23% said yes
77% said no
Most of us aren’t trying to watch other people bang.
Have you ever had sex with a woman who ejaculated aka squirted?
22% said yes, and I liked it
2% said yes, and I didn’t like it
10% said yes, and I’m indifferent about it
67% said no
We’re down.
Do you share sexual details with your friends?
4% said always
11% said often
34% said sometimes
34% said rarely
17% said never
The L Word got it wrong: lesbians are discreet.
Have you ever had sex with someone in a relationship?
44% said yes
56% no
Do you use sex toys in bed?
41% said yes
32% said no
26% said only in a relationship
We view sex toys as optional accessories, not necessities.
Which do you prefer?
2% said sex toys
61% said fingers/mouth/body parts
28% said both equally
9% said I’m not sure
We’re great with what we’ve got.
Follow Chloe on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram. Images created by the amazing Jenna Lykes.