I want to believe in a Valentine’s Day that’s sexy—even if your version of sexy involves wearing your pajamas and watching a Twin Peaks marathon. Yes, Valentine’s Day is a socially crafted holiday that keeps us anxious, buried-in-snow creatures from losing our minds between the middle of winter and the hopeful end of winter. Cool story: My parents’ anniversary is on Cupid’s big day. So now V Day isn’t complete in my house without pink carnations and heart-shaped boxes of candy, while listening to “Heart-Shaped Box” by Nirvana.
But say there’s a special lady in your life this February and you want to surprise her with something spicier than your average teddy bear and flowers. Let’s take a nod from TLC and turn on the red light. (Silk robes included.) Don’t have enough time to grab a little something sweet for your honey? Valentines can be 365 days of the year when love (or lust!) is at play. These gifts—some that won’t break the bank, and some that might (but are totally worth it)—are great today or any day, because surprise sex toys and graphic ‘80s lesbian books can be sexy anytime. You’ve earned it; you the seducer, the worthy partner, the kink, the eternal romantic.
As Saint Valentine said to Marvin Gaye, let’s get it on.
A Little Goes a Long Way
Gia, available on Amazon Instant Video for free, or buy it forever for $9.99
It’s just Angelina Jolie for two hours and six minutes—well, it’s her and her mom, and Linda (Elizabeth Mitchell), and super babe Faye Dunaway. Romantics aren’t always tied up into perfect little boxes, and this movie, though dark at almost every turn is still beautiful. Plus, there’s the infamous fence scene…
Kissing, a Field Guide by Violet Blue, $11, sheboptheshop.com
Maybe the biggest thing ever is that “first kiss”—even the ones when we were kids that we laugh (or cringe) about now. The range of sensations leading up to that kiss are everything—it tell us so much about what we like. Think about how sexy it would be to read this field guide aloud with your significant something. This how-to is teaching a whole lot more than just the semantics on kissing—but kissing as an art form.
The Joy of Lesbian Sex by Dr. Emily L. Sisley & Bertha Harris, $27, amazon.com
This is real. This is really a thing. If you’ve ever snuck a peek at the ’70s heterosexual version of a similar title—sans the lesbiana—then you know there’s more than joy within the pages of these books. There’s vivid imagery—of people boning down, in like, every which way. It’s the Bob Ross of sex books. It’s like a Peter, Paul and Mary song stamped onto paper. It was published in 1988, so expect to go back into a bit of a time machine. It’s perfect for the person in your life who would think it’s sorta hilarious, or the girl who is certain to find this a turn-on from page one.
JimmyJane AfterGlow Candle, $29, jimmyjane.com
This candle is literally amazing—it was even featured in a scene from Girls. It comes in a variety of scents, like bourbon, cucumber water, dark vanilla, or pink lotus. That’s—I don’t even know what to say about that incredible range in scent. Impressed. The little spout on the upper corner is really perfect. Who has time to clean up a mess when there’s a sexy massage at play? The warm combination of jojoba oil and Shea butter is sure to set the bar for feel-good activities she won’t forget. It lasts for-ev-er, so if she really loves it, she can try it out on you next time!