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Celebrating Lesbian Marriage

Last week, the devastating news of the passage of Proposition 8 in California – and similar amendments in Florida and Arizona – angered and saddened LGBT people and our supporters all over the world, prompting thousands to march in protest across the country this weekend.

18,000 gay and lesbian couples were married in California during the six months it was legal, before the passage of Prop 8.

In the pages to follow, AfterEllen.com profiles some of the couples whose marriages are now in jeopardy because of this new law, and offers their perspectives on the battle ahead. (Wedding dates are noted in parentheses next to their names.)

Since this is an entertainment site, we’re focusing on couples connected to the entertainment industry in one way or another, and therefore relevant to AfterEllen.com’s commitment to furthering lesbian visibility in popular culture. But these are just a few of the stories to be told in the fight for legal gay marriage.

For more information on the efforts to legalize same-sex marriage, visit NoOn8.com, (Prop 8, California), SayNo2.com, (Prop 2, Florida) or VoteNoon102.com (Proposition 102, Arizona). Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi (August 16, 2008) They wedding of the popular lesbian talk show host and the openly gay actress was big news this summer, making the cover of People magazine and every major news outlet in America and internationally.

DeGeneres (The Ellen DeGeneres Show) famously came out in 1997, and de Rossi (Better Off Ted, Arrested Development) came out in 2005, shortly after Portia and Ellen publicly revealed their relationship.

After the ceremony, Ellen posted a note on her website announcing the news:

I had a big, big weekend. I got married to Portia de Rossi! Sorry John Stamos…this one’s taken…

I do a lot of things differently now…I say “I do” a lot. For example: “Who wants to do pilates? I do. Would you like a Mountain Dew? I do. Do you know why I pulled you over? I do. and that was just this morning.

Prior to the election, Ellen donated $100,000 to fight Proposition 8, and asked her fans to vote against it.

Last week, Ellen issued a short statement immediately after the election results, saying she was happy about the election of Obama, but “saddened beyond belief” that “we just took a giant step away” from equality in passing Proposition 8.

She followed up with another statement later in the week:

Well, as I said, everybody is still excited about our new president. Congratulations Barack Obama! And to Michelle and the kids and the new puppy that they’re going to get! That’s really exciting. I’ll tell you what’s not exciting though, what’s going on here in California.

Proposition 8 passed, and this is a proposition that would ban gay marriage. You know I’ve been talking about this on the show a lot, and it’s something that I am obviously very invested in. And it would be the first time in history that they would change the state constitution and take rights away. That’s just amazing, and it’s too close to call… and so there was a demonstration here on Wednesday night, and just before I walked out here I was watching the news and there is a huge, huge, peaceful demonstration going on in the streets and I say, good for you, and I support you and if I weren’t here, I’d be out there with you.

Here we’re taking a giant step toward equality, and then this is happening and I don’t understand it, and like I said, I’m there with you in spirit. It’s crazy.

Jewelle Gomez and Dr. Diane Sabin (October 25, 2008) “I looked at Jewelle, and she looked at me, and it was love at first sight,” Diane Sabin told The New York Times about the first time she met Jewelle Gomez, in 1984. Nonetheless, the two women did not become romantically involved until 1992, when both were finally single.

They’ve been together ever since, and were among the litigants in the landmark San Francisco court case that caused the California Supreme Court to legalize gay marriage in May. Their marriage was announced in the Times two weeks ago, just prior to the 2008 election.

Diane is the executive director of the Lesbian Health and Research Center at the University of California, San Francisco.

Jewelle, the president of the San Francisco Public Library Commission, is a celebrated poet, novelist and playwright. She has published several books, most notably The Gilda Stories in 1991, and she and Diane have been very involved in non-profit work.

Melissa and Tammy Etheridge (September 20, 2003) Singer Melissa Etheridge, who came out publicly in 1993, and actress Tammy Lynn Michaels (Popular, The L Word) were first married in Malibu, CA in 2003, when marriage was briefly legal in California. Their wedding was featured on ABC’s InStyle Celebrity Weddings and in People magazine.

In addition to Melissa’s two children from a previous relationship, the couple now have 2-year-old twins. Melissa has spoken openly about her battle with breast cancer, and is devoted to environmental issues.

After Proposition 8 was passed last week, Melissa wrote a call-to-arms on The Daily Beast:

Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books….

Today the gay citizenry of this state will pick themselves up and dust themselves off and do what we have been doing for years. We will get back into it. We love this state, we love this country and we are not going to leave it. Even though we could be married in Mass. or Conn, Canada, Holland, Spain and a handful of other countries, this is our home. This is where we work and play and raise our families. We will not rest until we have the full rights of any other citizen. It is that simple, no fearful vote will ever stop us, that is not the American way.

Tammy wrote about her reaction to the Prop 8 passing on her blog:
a rose is a rose is a rose.

when the government declared the illegality of interracial marriages unconstitutional in the late 60s, it was not a unanimous decision. in fact, 80% of the country was against it. thank goodness the country led us into better perspectives, and didn’t leave it up to the humanly flawed citizens. but now… we’re going to VOTE on equality? “is this person the same value as that person? say ay or nay…”

would rosa have wanted the people to VOTE whether or not she could get on the bus? would martin have waited for a VOTE to see if everyone thought blacks should be equal? i think not.

no matter how many voters there are wrenching away MY RIGHTS into their bigoted hands…. you can’t take my family away from me. you can’t make us stop loving each other. you simply can’t.

try to vote on that.

PRESIDENT OBAMA!!! if you can finally make it to first-class citizenship, then so can i. one day.

Suzanne Westenhoefer and Jennifer Houston (September 6, 2008) Comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer and marketing executive Jennifer Houston were married at the Hollywood Chapel in Los Angeles on September 6th.

Westenhoefer, a stand-up comic since the early 1990s, was the first lesbian comedian to have her own HBO Comedy Special, and was the first openly gay comedian to appear on Late Night with David Letterman, in 2003.

“We had a ceremony for our families back in November 2006,” Westenhoefer said in a statement announcing her engagement, “but they make gay people get married again and again and again. I guess we have to prove we really mean it.”

Suzanne, who had previously not wanted to get married, told The Advocate after the wedding, “I think maybe I was settling. Making an excuse, like, ‘Oh, I’m above marriage,’ is easy to say if you can’t have it. It’s like saying, ‘I don’t want to live in that beautiful palace that sits up on top of the hill. Wouldn’t it be awful to take care of that?’ The couple held a small private ceremony, because, “We wanted to make sure we could get married before November, which didn’t give us a lot of time to plan.”

They’re still in shock that Proposition 8 actually passed. To Jennifer, this just highlights the need for gays and lesbians to get together behind a single leader.

Instead of holding many individual protests around the country, she says, “we need to come together to protest this.”

Maile Flanagan and Lesa Hammett (July 2008)

Emmy-winning actor Maile Flanagan and Lesa Hammett, her partner of over 13 years, were finally married this summer.

Maile, who thanked Lesa on stage when she won an Emmy for her starring voice-over work in the PBS animated series Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks in 2005, is also the voice of the ninja protagonist Naruto on The Cartoon Network’s most popular show, Naruto.

She’s best known to lesbians for her starring role in the web series 3Way, and to the general public for her many supporting and guest star roles on TV shows like Grey’s Anatomy and The Class and movies like Evan Almighty and the upcoming Yes Man, starring Jim Carrey.

Maile gave us an overview of their wedding, which took place at a California courthouse:

It was, of course, one of the happiest days of our lives. We got married quickly because we felt it was important to do it before the election. We married at a courthouse because we wanted to hear an official from the State of California declare that we were legally wed. But most importantly, we wanted to be married and we were. Our courthouse wedding was simple, beautiful, meaningful, and full of love.

The couple had planned to marry in San Francisco in 2004, before gay marriage rights were revoked, “which made that July day in 2008 that much sweeter.”

Lesa and Maile are heartbroken that their marriage may now be invalidated.

It is impossible to me to fathom how this could be harmful to anyone. To say that we are heartbroken is an understatement. We are sad, angry, confused, depressed and disappointed. We are sickened by people blaming minorities for this and tired of being told that we didn’t do enough as gay people to defeat this heinous proposition, when it shouldn’t have been on the ballot to begin with. Yes, we’ll fight. But why should we have to? At least we have the piece of paper …. for now.
Amanda Barrett and Abby DeWald (October 2008) Amanda Barrett and Abby DeWald, who together comprise the Los Angeles-based folk/bluegrass band The Ditty Bops, announced their wedding on their MySpace profile last month.

“We just got married!” they wrote. “We are so happy that after 10 years together we could make our union legal in the State of California.” The couple met at the University of California, Davis, and formed their band in 2000.

Their song “There’s a Girl” was included on the first Grey’s Anatomy soundtrack, and they appeared on an episode of The L Word in 2007.

They bicycled across America in 2006 to promote their second album (their first self-produced one), and they recently released their fourth album, Summer Rains.

When they’re not entertaining fans with their music, they are dedicated to raising awareness about environmental issues through their nonprofit You and I Save the World.

Bridget McManus and Karman Kregloe (August 29, 2008) Comedian Bridget McManus, and writer (and AfterEllen.com staff member) Karman Kregloe were married in Los Angeles this summer.

“I met Bridget through AfterEllen.com,” says Karman, “so I consider Sarah Warn my yenta. They say most people meet their spouses at work, and I guess you could say that’s what happened with us. The only difference is that other people do it around a water cooler and not in front of a video camera.”

The couple work together on Bridget’s show Brunch with Bridget, which airs on Logo and AfterEllen.com, and on their online travel show, You Can’t Take Them Anywhere! Bridget and Karman had planned to wed in 2009, but with the possibility of losing legal marriage in the coming election, they took the plunge early to protect their rights.

They decided to initially share the news only with their families, who were supportive and enthusiastic. “We sent them some pictures, and both of our mothers complained about Bridget wearing red and me wearing jeans for such an important occasion,” said Karman. “But we didn’t care, we loved our hippie wedding and honeymooned at the beach. We were married by a woman named Lorelei Starbuck, so it’s not like it was a conventional wedding anyway.”

They didn’t tell anyone else about the marriage.

“We kept it a secret,” Bridget explains, “because we didn’t want anyone to skip out on our real wedding next year if they found out we had already gone through with the legal ceremony. Or get out of giving us fancy appliances as wedding gifts – we’re planning to register at my sister’s store in Seattle.”

But they’re talking about it publicly now to help boost morale after the passage of Prop 8, which they are actively involved in protesting (Bridget starred in an ad highlighting the Mormon Church’s considerable involvement in the campaign).

“I’m very grateful to all of the people who worked so tirelessly on the No on 8 campaign,” says Karman. “They are my heroes. I don’t doubt for one second that we’re going to win this battle, both in the courts and in the streets, but I’m looking forward to the day when the separation of church and state is a reality here, and not just something we give lip service to.”

“John Lennon said it best, ‘Love is all you need.’ Or in our case, love and a really good lawyer.”

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