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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (May 9, 2008)

Beginning this week, we’ll be writing this column slightly differently. Instead of being written by one staff writer each week, the column will now be written by multiple writers each week. Each author’s photo will be featured at the top of each page she writes, and you’ll see her byline at the end of her section. Rest assured, the tone and focus of the column won’t change; we’re just trying to mix it up a little.

LEADING THE FIGHT AGAINST BAD LESBIAN HAIR Bravo, the gay reality show contestant’s home away from home, is back this summer with the second season of Shear Genius (which premieres on June 25). And, wouldn’t you know it, there’s a lesbian in the new cast. The show, like its kissing cousins Project Runway and Top Chef, pits up-and-coming professionals (in this case hairstylists) against one another in weekly competition to be the one left standing.

Meet lesbian contestant Dee, a 37-year-old native of San Antonio, Texas, who now lives and works in Miami. Blazer? Check. Tie? Check. Spikey dyed hair? Checkity check. Yep, Dee passes lesbian muster.

Her official Bravo bio reads:

Dee stepped foot in the industry 10 years ago, and hasn’t looked back since. She began her career by working as a computer graphic artist for Paul Mitchell Distributor in Miami, and today she is a “Task Force” and “Premiere Member” for John Paul Mitchell Systems, which entails teaching and coaching other Paul Mitchell educators on the latest trends of cut and color. Dee also owns Hair by Dee, an educational service that provides one-on-one styling skills and personal training to salon staff and individuals. Dee also spends her time as the Art Director and hair designer at Peter of London Salon and Spa in Miami. At Peter’s, Dee oversees the education and structure of the salon, as well as the marketing and promotion. Dee has been published in Cut and Dry Magazine and Modern Salon, and says her real joy is seeing people smile.
The show returns without its first-season head judge and hairstylist-to-the-stars Sally Hershberger, the rumored inspiration for The L Word‘s Shane “If That’s Your Girlfriend, She Wasn’t Last Night” McCutcheon. Replacing her will be celebrity hairstylist Kim Vo along with fellow new judge Kelly Atterton, the Allure West Coast editor.

Dee will lather, rinse and repeat against 11 other stylists. Check out more of her handiwork on her Hair by Dee Myspace page. Here’s hoping Dee does well and proves to the world that the mullet is not lesbian-kind’s sole accomplishment in hair.

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK “I was more insulted that they thought I would do it just to get a cover. In some ways, I regret that I didn’t do it, that I didn’t take that opportunity. But at that time, my inflated idea about myself as an artist superseded everything.” – Lily Tomlin on being offered the cover of Time magazine in 1975 if she would come out in the article, in an interview with the The Vancouver Sun that also touched on her gay brother and fundamentalist Christian mother, and her 37-year relationship with partner Jane Wagner

OOPS! … MADONNA DID IT AGAIN At a Paris concert on Tuesday, Madonna flashbacked to 2003 and her now-infamous MTV Video Music Awards lip locks with Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. The Material Girl made like the French and kissed a female backup dancer during the show. Man, I’d love to see the job requirements on her dancers’ application forms: “Must be proficient at all styles of dance. Must be willing to travel worldwide. Must be open to making out with your boss.”

Madonna is currently hard at work promoting her new album, Hard Candy. As someone who heard the CD played in what seemed like a never-ending loop at a gay men’s club the weekend before its release, it’s nice to see Madge finally make a play for her lesbian fans, so to speak.

by Dorothy Snarker

MIAMI VICE Proving that we are now firmly in the era of the lesbian spring break (gay male circuit parties be damned!), next week Aqua Girl takes over South Beach in Miami, promising “bikini-clad babes, a hot Canadian rock band, a top lesbian comic and 12 of the fiercest female DJs in the country.”

Wow, 12 fierce DJs! Does Tyra Banks know?

Here are DJ Alyson Calagna, DJ Tracy Young and DJ Pride (clockwise from top left), who will be spinning at Aqua Girl: Why am I not going to this event?

Aqua Girl (May 14—18) is a bit different from most other lesbian beach parties, though, since it’s actually a fundraising event; all net proceeds benefit the Aqua Foundation for Women, whose mission is “to promote the equality, strength, health and visibility of South Florida lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered (LBT) women.”

In addition to hot DJs, this year’s Aqua Girl features a concert by the Cliks hosted by Dani Campbell, our favorite futch from Shot at Love, that show I once enjoyed (not even guiltily) but now watch with one hand partially covering my eyes.

If you’re at Aqua Girl, you’ll also be able to catch comedian Julie Goldman, who’s performing on May 17, and the cast of Logo’s upcoming reality series Gimme Sugar. Go here to get tickets.

I’m not normally a big fan of these kinds of events, but there’s something about the lineup (cute butches!) that makes me think this is slightly more up my alley than the femme-tastic Dinah Shore weekend.

So if you’re lucky enough to be partying in Miami next week, have a drink for me. I’ll be at work, combing the internets for other hot butches news of injustices against lesbians in entertainment.

LESBIAN MOM QUOTE OF THE WEEK “Just put it out of their mind that there is some sort of normal out there because there’s not. They may portray it on the television like Leave it to Beaver that there’s a perfect thing, but that does not exist, everyone’s doing the best they can to raise families, and find happiness, and find many ways to love, and there are many ways.” – Melissa Etheridge to MomLogic, when asked what advice she would give to moms who have less “traditional” families

AND “EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE” WAS ABOUT TRUE LOVE, NOT STALKING You know how straight girls get drunk and make out with their straight girlfriends while they’re out at a club (or in a hot tub) with their boyfriends? Well, now there’s a theme song for them.

Pop singer Katy Perry recently released her new single, “I Kissed a Girl,” as a lead-up to her debut album, One of the Boys, which is due out in June. This track isn’t like Jill Sobule‘s cute, folksy song of the same name, though. Whereas Jill’s song was a lighthearted, sweet tune that could have been a coming-out song, Katy Perry’s song is a bit more, well, stereotypically bicurious. The first time I heard this song (you can listen to it at Katy Perry’s MySpace page), I was hooked. It’s fun, it’s kind of naughty, and Perry’s self-confidence shines through in her bold voice. The chorus, “I kissed a girl and I liked it,” repeats often enough that it gives the song a kind of (fake) Gay Pride feel. And then I read the lyrics:

This was never the way I planned Not my intention I got so brave, drink in hand Lost my discretion It’s not what I’m used to Just wanna try you on I’m curious for you Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it The taste of her cherry Chapstick I kissed a girl just to try it I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it It felt so wrong It felt so right Don’t mean I’m in love tonight I kissed a girl and I liked it

No, I don’t even know your name It doesn’t matter You’re my experimental game Just human nature It’s not what good girls do Not how they should behave My head gets so confused Hard to obey

In case you can’t tell what’s wrong with this song, let me elaborate.
  • The girl has to be drunk first to kiss another girl, implying that kissing another girl is only something you’d do after you lose control of your decision-making faculties.
  • “I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it” not only means she’s cheating on her boyfriend, but that she thinks he’s going to find out and hopes he won’t mind. After all, what straight guy would mind watching his girlfriend kiss another girl?
  • “It’s not what good girls do” clearly implies that lesbians are not good, and their behavior is wrong.
It’s not exactly surprising that Katy Perry wrote this song, though, considering that she’s best known for her recent song “Ur So Gay.” That’s a bitchy kiss-off to an ex-boyfriend, in which Katy derides him as a Hemingway-reading vegetarian who drives an electrical car, concluding, “You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys.” Sure, some gay folks may find this amusing in a campy way, but I don’t think 23-year-old Katy Perry has the right, yet, to make gay jokes. She needs to wear a lot more sequins and way higher heels for about a dozen more years. I mean, she’s using a homophobic slur repeatedly, going so far as to explain that the word is actually meant as a slur and not as a description of homosexuality.

But back to the “I Kissed a Girl” shenanigans. The one good thing about it is that the lyrics also say that kissing girls is “just human nature.” Oh, who am I kidding? This song is for drunken straight girls fulfilling Real World-type stereotypes! I’m appalled! Boycott!

by Malinda Lo

LIKE “LADIES’ NIGHT,” BUT WITH LESBIANS

Last Thursday in Los Angeles, more than 600 lesbians, bisexual women and our supporters turned up for the annual L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center’s Women’s Night, honoring lesbian and bisexual women who have made a difference in the community. Jane Lynch hosted the event and invited some AfterEllen.com vloggers – Bridget McManus, Jill Bennett, Cathy DeBuono and myself – to be her guests. Here’s a picture of all of us with Jane: Two of the honorees that night were Sharon Stone (Special Board of Directors Award) … … and Linda Perry (Creative Integrity Award). Here’s a cute pic of Jane and Jill together on the red carpet: If you look closely, you can see the edge of my jacket (loaned to me by Jackie Jones – thanks Jax!) next to Jane. The paparazzi cropped me out of the picture, probably because 1) they had no idea who I was, and/or 2) I was making a weird face or holding my body in an awkward position. I know nothing about red carpet etiquette, except for the basic rule about not jumping into pictures with people more famous than you. People like Jane Lynch. Or Sharon Stone.

Recipients of the L.A.C.E. (Lesbian and Bisexual Women Active in Community Empowerment) Awards, for local women working to improve the health and well-being of the LGBT community, were recognized that night, too. Those honorees were Liliana T. Perez (Public Service Award), Susan Russell (Spirituality Award), Andrea Sperling (Professional Achievement Award), Marquita Thomas (Arts & Entertainment Award) and Sunnie Rose Berger (Grassroots Activist Award).

The big event also served as a fundraiser for a wide range of women’s programming at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, including women’s health, legal assistance, domestic violence prevention and education, and cultural programs designed especially for women. Many fabulous items were on display as part of the silent auction held in the theater lobby.

But the real fun began with the announcement of the live auction. Comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer sent us AE vloggers into the rowdy crowd with microphones to help facilitate the bidding process. I’m not sure if we were supposed to bully people into making higher bids or just offer neck rubs to the women who were already waving their bulging checkbooks around.

What started out as a nice, normal auction went a little crazy when Sharon Stone, dissatisfied by the paltry bids she was hearing, stormed the stage, grabbed a mic and started running the show. After chastising all of us for being “bad lesbians” (she was just teasing), the fundraising vet launched into some old-school style bid-calling that ignited the crowd. Seeing that we were no longer needed, we AE vloggers abandoned our audience neck-rubbing positions and stood behind Ms. Stone at the stage, watching as she worked her magic. As if raising a bunch of money for us wasn’t enough, she closed the auction with a heartfelt impromptu speech about the positive changes she has witnessed in the political climate regarding LGBT rights, and promised us that we would all see the right to marry become a reality in our lifetime. She also revealed that she’s ordained to marry people, so when the time comes you and your lady can call up Ms. Stone. Can you even imagine what your wedding album would look like?

After the auction, Stone and Perry were honored, and Redcar gave an excellent performance. Jill, Bridget, Cathy and I watched from the green room, enjoying cocktails and getting shushed several times by some imposing security guards for being too loud. Jill told us about kissing Sharon Stone’s ring before the auction, and we all fondly recalled dropping to our knees and bowing in worship of Ms. Stone onstage after she raised all of that money. (For the record, she didn’t look at all surprised by our display of adulation. I think she gets that a lot.)

Jill and I also practiced our rock star poses for the red carpet in case we’re ever asked back again: In summation, it was an amazing and inspiring night, and the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center raised over $210,000. For more information about the Center and how you can get involved with their good work, check out their official website. Thanks again to Jane Lynch for inviting AfterEllen.com to be a part of this wonderful event!

by Karman Kregloe

BRAVO CALLED AND WANTS THEIR SHORT-HAIRED, TATTOOED LESBIAN BACK TLC’s popular reality show Miami Ink, set at a Miami tattoo parlor, has a lesbian in its fourth season: Baby Dre, who has “styled celebrity bad girls such as Pink and Michelle Rodriguez,” according to her MySpace bio.

Here’s a photo of Baby Dre in all her inked-up glory (and nothing else): And to think I almost got those exact same tattoos last week – that would have been embarrassing!

In last night’s episode, Baby Dre – who is the only woman on the show this season (she’s the shop manager) – got teased for having a fresh hickey on her neck (provider unknown), and she playfully threatened to give all the guys “gay hickeys.”

Watch the video intro of Baby Dre on Miami Ink here, and tune into TLC on Thursday nights to watch her have very little on-camera time: LESBIANS, EXES AND DINAH – OH MY! This Monday we’ll be posting 3Way‘s cliff-hanger season finale, which chronicles the roommates’ trip to Dinah Shore Weekend where they run into several women we’ve seen before, including Bridget McManus, Kristy Swanson, Cathy DeBuono and Elizabeth Keener. General mischief and mayhem ensues, as this screenshot of Andrea (Jill Bennett) and her ex, Celia (Elizabeth Keener), suggests: So many good caption ideas, so little time! Let’s have a “caption this” contest in the comments, and see what you all can come up with. Leave your guesses as to what the cliff-hanger is, too – my money’s on a murder mystery in which someone suffocates Roxie with her screeching monkey puppet.

(Look for 3Way on DVD sometime in July.)

TEN MORE GAY WOMEN YOU SHOULD KNOW Power Up has announced its annual list of 10 Amazing Gay Women in Showbiz, who will be honored at its annual gala on Nov. 9 (see our photos from last year’s gala here and watch our red carpet interview footage here).

The nonprofit organization designed to fund and develop lesbian movies most recently released The Itty Bitty Titty Committee, which is coming out on DVD in September.

Here’s a quick rundown of this year’s honorees:

  • Michaline Babich, Writer/Director/Executive Producer (Gimme Sugar)
  • Gaye Ann Bruno, Director, Photography, CBS Television Network
  • Cheryl Dunye, Writer/Director (Watermelon Woman)
  • Karen Flischel, Executive Vice President and General Manager, here!
  • Jenny Fulle, Executive Vice President and Executive Producer, Sony Pictures Imageworks (Speed Racer, Spider-Man 3)
  • Barbara Gaines, Executive Producer, The Late Show With David Letterman
  • Nancylee Myatt, Writer/Producer/Director, Film Fatale Productions (3Way, South of Nowhere)
  • Lisa Sherman, Executive Vice President, Logo
  • Samantha Sprecher, Vice President of Development, Face Productions
  • Suzanne Westenhoefer, Comedian
Look for our coverage of the event in November, and go to power-up.net for more info about the organization and tickets for the event.

And look for Nancylee Myatt on this Sunday’s Brunch With Bridget, when she talks about 3Way, South of Nowhere and being a cowgirl at heart.

ANOTHER LESBIAN HORROR MOVIE Don’t you hate it when you get rejected by men, turn to another woman as a last resort and unexpectedly fall in love with her, only to find out that your new girlfriend is actually your sister?

Me too!

Fortunately, we finally have a movie that sheds light on this all-too-common lesbian tragedy, the creatively named Russian movie A Sister’s Kiss. Check out the trailer (with English subtitles): You know it’s going to be a quality film when the director tags the trailer with the keywords, “sexy lesbian chick love girls teens kissing hot paris hilton tatu britney pamela avril lohan adult real life incest.”

The movie is available to purchase and download online (what, no theatrical distribution?), and I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking Oscar nomination … Hey, it worked that lesbian serial killer movie!

(Thanks to Camilla for the tip!)

BLACK COFFEE AND DAIRY QUEENS Coffee Will Make You Black, by April Sinclair – one of my favorite coming-out and coming-of-age novels (along with its sequels Ain’t Gonna Be the Same Fool Twice and I Left My Back Door Open, which are gayer) – has been turned into a play in Los Angeles.

The play (and the novel) is about Jean “Stevie” Stevenson, “a black teenager on the brink of sexual awakening during the turbulent and politically charged late 1960s.”

The play stars CeCe Antoinette, Aasha Davis, Colette Divine, Sonia Jackson, Gretchen Koerner Deon Lucas, and Diona Reasonover as Stevie. Many of you might recognize Aasha from her role as Spencer’s gay-friendly friend on South of Nowhere. Get more info at MySpace.com/coffeewillmakeyoublack, and be sure to buy tickets soon – the show ends its run in three weeks!

Speaking of coming-out and coming-of-age books, I recently picked up the young adult novel Dairy Queen and its sequel, The Off Season, by Catherine Murdock. (Why? Because they’re about a teenage farm girl who joins the high school football team, and my love of stories about girls excelling in sports is well-documented.) The books were a good read overall, and I was surprised to discover halfway through Dairy Queen that one of the main supporting characters is a lesbian. (Don’t you love it when that happens?)

You can buy the first book here. The third and last book in the series is slated to be published later this year. (For those of you who don’t relish reading about a good basketball game, don’t worry, the book’s not really about sports.)

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Rumors are circulating online that Gossip Girl‘s Serena (Blake Lively) and Georgina (Michelle Trachtenberg) are going to be hooking up soon – just in time for May sweeps! I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. (Thanks Donna and Annica!)

The second-half of South of Nowhere‘s third (and final) season just began airing in France; Americans still have to wait until September. (Thanks CC and Elizabeth!)

Angela Robinson is going to reissue all episodes of Girltrash in a single 12-minute episode if the new official Girltrash MySpace profile MySpace.com/girltrashy gets 5,000 friends.

Out hip-hop artist Melange Lavonne has a new CD out; check out her MySpace page for more info.

After taking several wrong turns with the the lesbian relationship between Franzi and Paula, the German TV show Gute Zeiten, schlechte Zeiten (The Best of Times, The Worst of Times) has apparently decided **spoiler alert** to bring the girls back together again – only to have one of them immediately die in a fire. Maybe she found out her girlfriend was really her a sister, and decided to end it all. (Thanks to Carolin for the tip!)

Carrie McClary was the lucky winner of our recent random drawing to meet Leisha Hailey and Camila Grey of Uh Huh Her at an upcoming concert. Carrie will get to hang with the girls at their Toronto tour date later this month, and she’s promised to report back on how it went. Congrats!

Kate McKinnon will also be joining us at the AfterEllen.com NYC Meet-Up next weekend (probably not with her guitar, though). Go here for more details about the event.

There won’t be a new episode of What’s YOUR Problem? this week, or of She Made Me Watch This! on Monday (too much editing to do, not enough time!). But there will be an in-depth video interview with singer Deepa Soul tomorrow, as well as a new U People episode, and a new Retro Reviewing on Saturday (this time they tackle Better than Chocolate). And this Sunday at the Q-Me Con brunch, we’ll be announcing the winner(s) of the AfterEllen.com Web Series Contest, and we’ll be debuting the first episodes of the winning shows on the site next Tuesday and Wednesday. I think you’re going to like them! These combined with the 3Way season finale, another special guest on Liz Feldman‘s show, and another Celesbian Interview – plus more episodes from all the other vlogs you know and love – should give be more than enough to distract you from your work next week.

by Sarah Warn

That’s it for this week! Got the inside scoop on a hot new lesbian/bi actor/musician/TV show/film? Tell us at [email protected]. Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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