Bad Gift Emporium: in celebration of the tense present


If you’re a friend of Jen,

you should be looking forward to the next gift-giving occasion.

According to TMZ, Aniston spent over a thousand

dollars on three Kaloo stuffed toys to welcome Sheryl

‘s adopted son, Wyatt.

I’m not sure how she managed

to drop $1K on toys that max out at around $150 each, but I guess sales

tax can be a bitch.

Compared to what Victoria

spent for her kids’ Christmas gift, though, a thousand bucks is small

change. The Beckham bunch got a 9-foot Treetent, one of Neiman Marcus’ fantasy gifts

for 2007. The tree house, which hangs from a limb, features a hardwood

floor, a round mattress that can sleep two adults or four kids, and adjustable

"planetary landing steps." Catalog price? A cool $50,000.

This, by the way, is the kids’

second home. Their "playhouse" in England cost $187,000.

For most of us, though, gift

giving is somewhat more modest. And gift receiving can be humbling or

humiliating, depending on the gift. I had an aunt who always knitted

things for me for Christmas. When I was growing up, a crudely knitted

sweater was fine and dandy — I had no fashion sense anyway. However,

"growing up" was not a concept my aunt understood, so my sweater

was the same size, year after year. By the time I got into my teens,

I was quite grateful for that fact, since it meant I never actually

had to wear one.


Gift Emporium

such gifts by asking people to send in pictures of their most unfortunate

gifts. Here are some of my favorites.

The recipient of this beauty

called it a Burger Angel, but, obviously, it’s a burger with sprite.

This one I had to include because

it’s what men expect to see on a lesbian site.

Actually, it’s a jar of hand-pickled

hot dogs. I really don’t want to know more, do you?

The Mooncup takes me back to my baby feminist


It’s a tampon replacement —

and whatever you’re thinking about how to use it is exactly right. The

person who posted it to Bad Gift Emporium said her grandmother gave

the cups to all the females in the family that year. Go, Granny, Go.

Here’s an ad from a site that sells the Mooncup and its, um,

sister product, The Keeper.

I’m not sure why Al Gore

didn’t mention those in An Inconvenient Truth.

The site has a lot more painful

gift memories like a Nixon commemorative plate, a lizard doorbell cover

and an "always and forever" cloth poster, so check it out and let us know your favorites. And

to help you release and let go of your own gloomy gift memories, share

them with us. What was your worst gift ever? Did you keep it, throw

it away or re-gift? We promise not to tell anyone.

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