The Real L Woes: Making the Most of Mars Retrograde



Good ol’ Mercury, always serving as somewhere for us to place our blame when times get tough and no one will respond to our text messages. Except, what’s that? Mercury has recently slipped back into it’s forward course and your life still in shambles? Turns out, just as easily (see: painfully) as Mercury returned to it’s regularly scheduled program, Mars decided to go rogue. I’m assuming that you’re queer and thus speak planetary phenomena fluently, but for those of you who choose a more tangible lifestyle, I’ll explain what’s going on.

When a planet is retrograde, it means that it appears to be going backwards in the sky and in astrology; each planet is associated with an element of life. Mercury rules communication and transportation as well as self-expression, so take it easy with those emoticons and don’t even bother trying to leave the house successfully. Venus rules romance so woe is your love life! What does Mars rule you may ask? Mars is known as the Planet of Passion! It rules sexual desire, war and new beginnings.

Strap in, things are going to get wild.

Lucky for you, I’m an Aries, and seeing that Mars is the planet of my people, I will serve as a knowledgeable tour guide for all your impending issues. If you’ve ever met an Aries, or dated one for that matter, I’d like to apologize. Aries are known to be hot-headed and overtly sexual with energy for days. So the opposite will be true during retrograde.

Happening approximately every two years, we’re currently in the thick of it, having started on March 1st, things will become increasingly rough till mid-April before it slowly tapers off around May 19. That leaves plenty of time for all sorts of haphazard attempts at life and the processing that will inevitably go along with it. And while it may seem like the planets are plotting against us, there can be some benefits to the turnaround. Namely, keeping life interesting.


Mars isn’t just the impulsive red planet of love, it also symbolizes your motivations, endurance, persistence and discipline. Seeing that it’s known for an enthusiastic energy, you will find the opposite is true for the next few months. Starting or finish any new projects will seem futile and as much as you try, follow-through will not be on your side.

But, hey, maybe it’s best that you ease up on some of those projects. Taking time to unburden yourself might just be the trick to successfully finishing more than you’d expect. You know, because slow and steady wins the race. If you’ve been feeling like you’re in a rut, Mars may be just what you need to rejuvenate your senses and help you to find untapped passions and ambitions. One things for sure, as terrifying as slowing down can feel, it can be a great for getting in touch with what truly turns you on.


Forget trying to engage a hot new romance, or getting engaged for that matter. Embarking on successful new romantic relationships or endeavors during a time when Mars is in flux is definitely not recommended. The only thing you should plan on getting hot and heavy with is a pair of sweatpants and Netflix.

That’s not to say all is lost for your lady business. If you do choose to jump in the sack with someone new, or your current partner for that matter, your less than stellar sex life might just get a shot of Mars-induced kink. This is the time to engage that experimental side you’ve been suppressing. If there’s one thing Mars is good for, it’s turning that vanilla sex life around. Also, in semi-related news, things that usually seem like a bad idea will start to sound appealing. Finally succumbing to that shifty-eyed barista that writes her number on your cup? Hitting on your oh-so-hot boss? Having sex with an ex? Get crazy! Just be fully aware of the Mars-induced repercussions. Or, you know, my life all the time.



Any kind of retrograde is a good time to reflect. Unlike Mercury retrograde, where you’re more likely to go back and examine past communication flaws, Mars will find you evaluating your impulses, motivations and intimate relationships and how you express your reactions to everything. Have you been bold and brave? Passive? Aggressive? Do you shy away from confrontation? Take a look at your actions. You may just find all sorts of areas that could use a little tweaking.

Since Mars represents fortitude and stamina, consider making future plans. Start the research and investigation needed for new endeavors, and plant seeds for new projects. Just remember to wait until after May to embark on new plans if you ever hope to see them come to fruition!


As an Aries, I can tell you that anger can seem like a second language. Who am I kidding, a first language, tied closely with cynicism and sarcasm. If you’re like me and tend to pick fights, or find yourself one to stifle anger only to inevitably blow a gasket, this will be your time to shine. Astrologically speaking, Mars retrograde is forecasted to be a time of bickering with a chance of full-blown rage.

Because of this, Mars retrograde is a great time to take stock in relationships that weigh on you. Toxic friendships, annoying roommates, co-dependent relationships? Take note of what it is that irritates you and instead of internalizing your stress and unleashing your wrath, take advantage of the casual pace of the next few weeks to shake out those friendships that might be dragging you down. This is a great time to cleanse yourself of unwanted negative energy. Out with the old, and in with the new! Make plans to engage your new interests that start cropping up around this time and aim to meet some new people! Platonically, of course.

All of that being said, no matter what’s going on astrologically, most of what goes on during retrogrades dependents on your perspective. You can make fun or use what you learn during this time to your advantage. Many times retrogrades are a great time to reevaluate and research new channels of expression. So you can look at Mars Retrograde as a time of great upheaval or a chance to make some much needed changes. Being open to evolution is key! As is a willingness to enjoy the ride.

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