Don’t have a Valentine today? Well, don’t feel bad. It’s overrated. Hearts. Flowers. Candy. OK, the candy is all right, but otherwise the year’s second-biggest excuse to buy people things they in no way need is a bunch of hooey. That’s right, Hallmark, I said hooey.
Instead, revel in your freedom, ladies. If lesbian movies are any indication, you’re way better off. A rundown of the top 5 reasons to be glad you’re single this Valentine’s Day:
1) When you’re single, you won’t date a serial killer, like in Monster.
2) When you’re single, you won’t confuse yourself with a bird of prey, like in Lost and Delirious.
3) When you’re single, you won’t snort heroin as a form of flirting, like in High Art.
4) When you’re single, you won’t imagine yourself in a fantasy world where your one true love loves you, only to be sucked through a portal in a blue box and awaken to realize you’ve murdered her instead, like in Mulholland Drive. At least, I think that’s what happened.
5) When you’re single, you won’t watch Bar Girls just because your girlfriend has never seen it and thinks, “Hey, how bad could it really be?”
And if all those reasons aren’t enough to cheer you, remember, chocolates are half price tomorrow.