Brace yourselves: “Bitch Slap” is finally coming


At our darkest hour. When we feared all hope was lost. As we cursed the gods of fate with our bitter, angry tears. Just at that bleakest moment comes hope for the hopeless: Bitch Slap has a release date.

That’s right, bitches, the all ass-kicking, all stuff blowing-up, all girl-on-girl kissing, all cleavage-baring extravaganza that is Bitch Slap is coming to select U.S. cities in limited release Jan. 8. To celebrate this momentous occasion, the producers have released a new glossy high-definition trailer to further whet our appetites.

Warning: Drool bibs not included. (Hi-def trailer available here; red-band trailer — complete with lesbian groping — available here.)

Fans in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco can line up to see this modern-day homage to the B-movie and exploitation flick on the big screen Jan. 8. But fear not, those elsewhere can join in the fun as the movie will be simultaneously released that day on Video-on-Demand through Fox. Wet T-shirt contest in celebration, anyone?

For those of your concerned with trifles like plot, Bitch Slap follows “three bad girls (a down-and-out stripper, a drug-running killer and a corporate powerbroker) as they arrive at a remote desert hideaway to extort and steal $200 million in diamonds from a ruthless underworld kingpin.” Besides its three leading ladies (Erin Cummings, America Olivo and Julia Voth), the film features a cameo by our old friend Xena and Gabrielle — and as nuns no less.

Lucy Lawless and Renee O’Connor’s appearances, as well as those of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys alums Kevin Sorbo, Michael Hurst and Xena stunt double Zoe Bell, come thanks to the film’s producer and director Eric Gruendemann and Rick Jacobson, who both worked on Xena: Warrior Princess in the past. They will release the DVD, with more than two hours of bonus material, in April.

So, what do you think? Does Kinky want to play?

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