Try as we might, we can’t really peg love—especially romantic love. It just comes in too many shapes and sizes, and with its unique ability to evolve and adapt (although this isn’t always the case), you’d end up pulling out your hair if you even just tried to define it. But some couples are too tempting a case study to not give it a go. Like Trisha and Marcia Shattuck, captured on film by their daughter, director Sharon Shattuck, in the new documentary From This Day Forward.
When Sharon was 13, her father candidly expressed a wish to her: the desire to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day while wearing a dress. She didn’t say it then, but Sharon remembers hoping that day would never come. Many years later, however, she finds herself getting married and having to face that request head-on. And speaking of marriages, whatever became of her parents?
Trisha married Marcia in 1981 while she still presented as Michael, her given name. It was a slow courtship, but not without hardships early on. Before they married, Trisha told Marcia she liked to dress up in women’s clothing. Marcia naively saw this as only a bedroom kink and decided it was fine, as long as they limited it to the bedroom. They got married, but of course things would end up being so much more complicated than anyone originally anticipated.
Sharon and her younger sister, Laura, grew up particularly close to their dad [Note: Trisha prefers female pronouns but likes for her daughters to refer to her as “dad”]. Their mom was, and is, a working doctor, so it fell to their father to be their primary caretaker. Trisha relished the role. For her, taking care of the girls and doing things like hanging out with moms at parks was as close to being a mother as she could get. She naturally cherishes those memories.
Here’s the thing: the girls didn’t want another mother. No, when they found out about their dad’s struggles with gender identity (at the tender ages of eight and five) and shortly after that Trisha was going to be transitioning full-time, they were mostly concerned with fitting in. Or rather, not fitting in. After all, Trisha wasn’t the only one figuring out her identity and place in the world.
It’s a source of a bit of bitterness for both sisters still. Why didn’t Trisha wait until they were older to transition? And why didn’t Marcia insist she wait?
Trisha is remorseful about this. She admits the timing wasn’t the best, especially for the younger Laura. But as she explains, what seems like a case of bad timing was literally a matter of life and death for her. Things had gotten that bad psychologically. And what was Marcia supposed to do? Support her spouse, or disappoint her children? In their eyes, a divorce would be better than having to deal with a trans parent.
Her children’s feelings aside, dealing with the situation wasn’t in any way easy for Marcia. Her whole life she had thought she was only attracted to men. Add to that the fact that being around Trisha made her question her own femininity, and you have quite the mess on your hands. Indeed, shortly after the two told the kids of Trisha’s decision to transition, divorce was a possibility they openly discussed. But ultimately they didn’t go through with it. Why?
For Trisha, it’s a bit more obvious. She’s always been attracted to women and, what’s more, she couldn’t imagine living without her wife. Now for Marcia’s part, well, her love for the person she married spoke louder than any of her doubts.
Sharon unsurprisingly wants to know where that love and resulting attraction comes from. It’s a fair question, as it’s not a given for a woman who’s always identified as straight. “It’s this inner being that is the attraction, and it’s just always there. And there’s nothing really that can break it if it’s there for you,” explains Marcia.
Despite the changes in their marriage, the two are still intimate and openly affectionate. I can’t help but gush over them a bit because they’re definitely super cute. Still, they’re no perfect couple (not that one exists!).
As much as Marcia has made sacrifices, so has Trisha. The biggest of those being putting off gender reassignment surgery, largely to appease Marcia. She also regularly tones down how “feminine” she dresses for Marcia’s comfort, although Trisha has come to understand that “feminine” means different things to different women. But this nonetheless leads us to the question: will it be a dress or no dress at Sharon’s wedding?
It’s the most trivial of a series of very poignant questions posed in From This Day Forward. This is a documentary that not only seeks answers, but ultimately some closure for this family. And it does this brilliantly.
There are all kinds of families and all kinds of relationships, and this is nowhere more evident than with the Shattucks. While you and I may never meet Trisha, Marcia, and their daughters, by the end of From This Day Forward you feel like you know them, and that you know better for knowing them. That’s the mark of a great documentary to me.
Visit the movie’s website to find out when it’ll be playing at a film festival near you.
