For me, the only thing better than a funny woman is two funny women. So, you can imagine my excitement about the April 25 opening of the Tina Fey–Amy Poehler odd-couple comedy Baby Mama. To further whet our appetites, the film has launched the new Baby Mama Babymaker website where you can see the virtual fruits of your (or anyone’s) loins. The best thing about the site? Same-sex couplings are not only encouraged, they’re prominently displayed.
So, naturally, I had to make my own faux lesbian coupling offspring. The results, um, well. Straight up, I’m not going to lie. These are unquestionably the ugliest babies I have ever seen. In fact, some of them scare the bejesus out of me. I mean it. They’re truly, truly terrifying. There, you’ve been warned.
First I thought I’d match two of the smartest women in entertainment together. Behold the love child of Tina Fey and Jodie Foster. Actually, wee JoTi is almost cute. Almost.
Next, I gave Tina’s co-star another shot at happiness. What would Amy Poehler and Katee Sackhoff‘s little bundle of joy look like? The meeting of hilarious and kick-ass came out looking like a wise-ass, which sort of makes sense.
But here is where things start to go horribly, horribly wrong. The coming together of best friends Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek should be a nothing but bella, right? Wrong. The skin-tone matching option is sadly lacking. Never before have I wanted so badly to rub self-tanning lotion on an infant.
And things just go downhill from there. I thought I’d try to merge two of the best smiles in Hollywood together in Kate Winslet and Rose Rollins. Oh. Dear. God.
Finally, I decided to end with the seemingly can’t miss combination of two of the most gorgeous women on the planet. I mean, if Angelina Jolie and Padma Lakshmi can’t make a beautiful baby together, what hope is there for the rest of us? Apparently, very little.
So, those are my best attempts at being a digital OB-GYN. Now it’s your turn. Let’s see what you and your baby mamas can pop out. Show us your Frankenbabies. I promise to lie and call them cute.
