Olivia Wilde gets biblical with Jack Black


Olivia Wilde

is going to play Jack Black’s

love interest in the new biblical-times comedy The Year One.

I am going to let the full weight of that news sink in while you stare

at a picture of Olivia. Please, take your time. I’ll wait.

And, for comparison, here is

Jack Black.

OK, now side by side.

So, yeah, what’s wrong with

this picture? God, could there be a better example of the schlubby guy/hottie

girl formula that has become the on-screen Hollywood couple du jour?

I’ve railed (and railed) against these pairings for what seems like

forever now. It’s not just the aesthetic that bothers me. Heaven knows

a book is more, so much more, than its cover. But it’s the inequity

of this equation that infuriates me. Where are the schlubby girl/hottie

guy movies? And, since we’re dreaming big, how about the schlubby

girl/hottie girl flicks?

Sure, you could say that since

these films are primarily romantic comedies, the formula works, because

one of the biggest qualities women say they want in a partner is a sense

of humor. And it’s true. I love funny. I’m all for funny. But I’m

also all for parity. Just look at the women Jack Black, in particular,

has been paired with through the years.

In The Holiday, he was paired with

the outrageously gorgeous Kate Winslet:

In Margot at the Wedding, he

was paired with the ridiculously lovely Jennifer Jason Leigh:

In Nacho Libre, he was paired

with the stunningly Penelope Cruz–doppelgangerish Ana de la Reguera:

In Shallow Hal, he was paired

with the impossibly svelte Gwyneth Paltrow

(granted, she was wearing a fat suit half the time, but still):

The industry has turned

Seth Rogen
and Jonah Hill

into viable leading men, but when it comes to comparably attractive

actresses with comparably successful careers, I draw a blank.

Seriously, anyone? Anyone?

Bueller? One could argue Kathy Bates. Or maybe Nikki Blonsky.

And, if you want to start a fistfight with scribegrrrl, Queen Latifah.

But none of these ladies are anywhere near schlubby; they’re just

not rail thin. There’s a big difference.

And just in case you were wondering,

before my die-Hollywood-die rant completely derails the Olivia news, her film The Year One

is a Harold Ramis–directed comedy about two men (Black and Juno’s

Michael Cera
) who wander through early civilization in biblical

times, searching for the meaning of life. Along their travels, they run

into Olivia’s Princess Inanna, the Princess of Sodom. Yes, as in Sodom

and Gomorrah. Talk about your hell in a handbasket.

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