“The Machine Girl”: Upping the ante in machine-gun chic

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I can’t say that I really consider

myself to be a trend-follower. Despite this, however, I’ve got

my finger firmly on the pulse of everything that’s cool, hip and happening!

I know all about what the kids are into these days, whether it’s invisible

cola, pet rocks, or even the macarena. Because I care, I’d like

to impart a bit of insight into the latest fad sweeping the globe: Replacing

amputated limbs with firearms!

It all began during that magical era

known as “last spring” when Rose McGowan … ahem … blasted

her way onto the screen in Planet Terror, the Robert Rodriguez–helmed

half of Grindhouse. As go-go dancer Cherry Darling, McGowan

proved that there’s something oddly alluring about a gal blasting

away at zombies with a machine gun that’s been crammed into her thigh.

Who knew?

Upping the ante in machine-gun chic

is the forthcoming Japanese flick The Machine Girl (Kataude

mashin garu
), a film that concerns a schoolgirl out for revenge

when her family is killed (and her arm is amputated) by the Yakuza.

The Machine Girl has truly got

it all: ninjas, sailor fuku school girls, revenge, Yakuza, flying guillotines,

drill bras and, of course, the gatling gun arm. According to my

calculations, those elements may add up to equal the best movie ever … and

by “best movie ever,” I mean I made out with the trailer five times

last night. See for yourself, though be warned: the trailer is

over-the-top bloody and totally NSFW.

While I’ll be first in line for

The Machine Girl
, I would never condone such violence in real life.

I mean, if my arm were ever chopped off by a clan of ninja Yakuza, I’d

like to think that I’d rise above the notion of revenge. Instead

of a Gatling gun, maybe I’d attach a Super Soaker to myself and spend

my days watering gardens and cooling off the neighborhood children during

the summer heat. You know, giving peace a chance and all that.

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