A scientific study of the hormonal effects of the gold bikini


If you’ll allow me, I’d

like to test a theory. I’m going to ask you a question, and I want

you to answer as truthfully as possible. My intent is purely scientific,

I assure you. I pose it only in the interest of posterity and the advancement

of humankind. So, are you ready? Again, please answer honestly.


the golden bikini work on fangirls like it does on fanboys?

I speak, of course, of the

famous/infamous gold bikini Princess Leia wore when she was being held

as a slave girl by Jabba the Hutt in Star Wars Episode VI: Return

of the Jedi
. It may in fact be the most famous bikini on the planet,

not to mention the least buoyant. And in the 24 years that have passed

since its image first seared itself onto our collective subconscious,

it has spawned countless imitators. Remember the episode of Friends

where Rachel dressed up for Ross in the gold bikini? I think that may

have been its official outing as the No. 1 fantasy in all of geekdom —

well, at least for straight guys.

But my, um, research is inconclusive on

whether the gold bikini inspired the same slavish devotion (read: drool)

among gay women. Now to clarify, since this is for science, I want you

to try to separate your emotions about the gold bikini itself from those

about Princess Leia and, therefore, Carrie Fisher. The findings

are already indisputable that Carrie Fisher is awesome. That’s just

a fact.

No, instead I want you to dissect

the fantasy itself. Is it about the fancy metalwork? Is it about the collar

and chain? Is it about some strange obsession you have with giant slugs?

On second thought, if it’s that last one, keep it to yourself.


what prompted this comprehensive analysis? This week, shots of Kristen

donning the bikini

of destiny

and were met with what can conservatively be called great enthusiasm.

She wore the getup for the upcoming, and appropriately titled, film


Because I believe in being

thorough and collecting good data, here are a couple other ladies sporting

the metallic swimwear.

Yvonne Strahovski

from Chuck.

Olivia Munn

from Attack of the Show.

And, since no experiment would

be valid without a control, here again is the accept-no-substitutes


So, fangirls, does that work

for you? And remember, this is for science. Ahem.

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