I am going crazy. My girlfriend tore her ACL in a rugby match and she does not want to have sex until she is fully recovered. She is afraid that it will compromise her recovery. I understand it but I have needs. I’ve suggested that she go down on me which she can do while lying on the bed but she is not interested. What else can I suggest so I don’t have to go without for a recovery that could take months?
Dear Wants It,
Sorry to hear about your girlfriend’s ACL issues! It sounds like she is being careful because getting back on the rugby field is super important to her. It’s on you to convince her that you can be intimate without harming her recovery.
If she is one or two weeks out from the injury, she could be in a lot of pain — to the point where even thinking about sex feels stressful. All those post-orgasm endorphins are like natural pain control, so that may sweeten the appeal.
It could help your cause to be more giving—you know, show her that she can have a good time rather than expect she put out because you’re horny. Instead of asking her to go down on you, why don’t you giving her oral sex while touching yourself?
Having sex in the bath is another great option, as the water will take pressure off her joints. If she can put her legs up against you (or a wall, headboard, etc), they should feel supported while you get it on. Another way to provide stability and extra support for your adventures is for her to keep her brace on. Having standing sex where she is supported by a wall – provided that she is comfortable bearing weight on her leg – could work too. All this to say, there are plenty of creative sex positions for knee pain but the desire has to be there!
If it’s more like three or four weeks out, the pain should be lower and her range of motion will be coming back. Stress levels should be subsiding, too. Standing sex should be a go by now. You can also try spooning and sex where you are on top. Propping her up on a pillow helps to relieve knee pressure.
My guess is that it’s not the physical pain that’s stopping her so much as the mental stuff. Sex might be the last thing on her mind right now between recovery, PT, and keeping up with work or school – especially if you already offered up a low-impact sex position and she turned you down. You’re less likely to talk her out of a mental block by suggesting sex positions that won’t cause knee pain, but it’s worth a try.
If she is mentally or physically not ready to hop in bed with you, let your imagination fill the gap. Whether you watch porn together, read erotica, sext, or have phone sex, you can keep things as hands-off as she needs to feel safe while still ensuring you get your physical needs met.
I hope you’re continuing to be intimate in other ways, too. Think cuddles, back rubs, kisses, holding hands. By keeping touch alive in your relationship, even though you aren’t getting it on as often as you want at present, you can maintain that spark. This sort of intimacy will also lower her stress, which can help her libido get back online.
Lastly, THIS TOO SHALL PASS. It sucks when you’re horny and can’t get laid, but you’ll deal with this if one of you goes away for a business trip/family vacay/semester abroad.