Lesbianing With AE! How To Talk Dirty To Her When You’re Shy

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My girlfriend has asked me to talk dirty to her, and I’m feeling tongue-tied. I have no problem with dirty talk in theory. I swear all the time. But I just can’t seem to say something like “take off your pants you dirty slut” with a straight face. I’m kind of tempted to laugh, and it also feels wrong to say it, like I’m demeaning to women. How can I get better at talking dirty?

-Tongue-tied

Hey Tongue-tied,

Has your girlfriend provided any specific guidance around what she wants you to say or how you should say it?

If she has—and she’s mentioned that being called a dirty slut really turns her on—then try to get used to the term. Remind yourself that you’re not judging her or any other woman by using the word; you’re using a pet name that your girlfriend really, really, really enjoys. Tell that to yourself until it starts to feel true. And watch how she reacts when you call her one. Little shivers of excitement can reinforce the new message: This is what she wants, and by using that word, you’re adding to her pleasure.

Remind yourself that you’re not judging her or any other woman by using the word; you’re using a pet name that your girlfriend really, really, really enjoys.

To get more comfortable with the whole process of talking dirty, try practicing to yourself. Recount a time you recently had sex and narrate it (out loud), working in some dirty talk. You’ll probably silly, but if you do it a few times it will start to feel more natural to you, and then it won’t be as big a deal to talk dirty when you’re with her.

Now if you haven’t talked about her specific turn-ons, she might not have any attachment to the word. In this case, dial it back from specific language that makes you uncomfortable and wade into dirty talk by talking about what you’re doing to her, or would like to do to her, or have done to her. “I really wanna fuck you in the shower” can sound dirty if you growl it in her ear. So can “take off your pants.” Combine the two and you’re halfway there.

“I really wanna fuck you in the shower” can sound dirty if you growl it in her ear. So can “take off your pants.” Combine the two and you’re halfway there.

You can also do compliments. Compliment her on her body (be explicit), how you feel (“I got so turned on watching you touch yourself”), how she looks (“you’re so fucking hot I want to fuck you right now”) and so on. You don’t need to be original to be effective here.

Moving on to labels. You’re not a super fan of slut, so what could you call her that would sound dirty to her and comfortable enough to you? Play this out over extended conversation, where she can explore what she wants to hear outside the bedroom, so there’s no pressure to use it then and there. Let her guide you.

What could you call her that would sound dirty to her and comfortable enough to you? Play this out over extended conversation, where she can explore what she wants to hear outside the bedroom, so there’s no pressure to use it then and there. Let her guide you.

After you try talking dirty, debrief to see how it went and start feeling more comfortable. You can make this sexy by talking about it while you’re still in bed naked. Or you can do it outside of the bedroom if that makes you less self-conscious. When she gives you direct feedback on what she liked and why it was effective, you can learn what works to turn her on while figuring out what’s comfortable for you.

Finally, you don’t need to integrate dirty talk every time you have sex. It can be a special thing that happens sometimes. Tell her you’re fine to play it dirty, but you’ll be in charge of when it happens 😉

Got a question for Lindsey? Write to the editor at [email protected] with “Q for Lindsey” in the subject line! 

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