Lesbianing with AE! Hooking Up With A Co-Worker

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Dear Lindsey,

So I know it’s a shitty idea to sleep with your coworker but I did. Hear me out, ok, we’re like practically the only ladies to work at this big organization, never mind the only gay ones. So we really hit it off right away on a friendship level. Then we got close while planning a work event and started hanging out at the bar after, we were both single and horny, and eventually one thing led to another and we hooked up. It was casual, fun, and we did it a few more times and it was really nice to have someone I liked and had fun with who I could sleep with, no strings attached. Like we never even talked about making it serious. Now I just found out she’s being transferred to the same office as me and I’m kind of freaked out things will get weird because she has a higher rank than me. I only found out about the transfer through a company email so I’m wondering why she hasn’t told me and if we should talk about our relationship before she starts here next week so things aren’t awkward af. Then I second guess myself because things have been so casual I don’t want to seem like I have feelings when I don’t. How should I play this?

-Her Subordinate

Hey HS,

You may be her subordinate at work, but there’s no reason you can’t take the lead in sorting this out. And you can do it in a way that keeps things as they’ve been between the two of you: Casual.

You were mostly-fine having casual sex with your coworker when you two weren’t based out of the same office. Now that you are working out of the same office — and the roles have changed — you don’t want to keep sleeping together. Nothing about your feelings here suggest that you have romantic feelings for her, so as long as you communicate what you told me, you can sort it out.

Nothing about your feelings here suggest that you have romantic feelings for her, so as long as you communicate what you told me, you can sort it out.

Maybe send her a congratulatory text or email, or call her on the phone if you don’t really want a written record of this (I wouldn’t, if I were you – you never know who is going to see an email or a text). Start with the good news here. You genuinely like her as a person, so I assume you’re happy for her promotion — even if you might be a little bummed about what it means for your casual connection.

If you aren’t comfortable telling her what you’ve told us — i.e. “I don’t think we should keep sleeping together now that we work together” — put her in the hot seat. Something open-ended like, “Before you start at the office, I thought we should figure out some stuff….” [meaningful pause] …”I have a lot of fun whenever we hang out together, but it’s going to be different now that we work together. You know?”

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She might not have known the interoffice memo about her new position was going out, so she may have thought she had more time to figure out what to say to you. Odds are, she’s going through some of the same arguments in her head you’re thinking through here: She wants to cool things between you two, but she feels weird talking about it because your relationship has been laid-back and this conversation sounds more serious.

Odds are, she’s going through some of the same arguments in her head you’re thinking through here: She wants to cool things between you two, but she feels weird talking about it because your relationship has been laid-back and this conversation sounds more serious.

Whatever temporary discomfort you feel about initiating the conversation is, I assume, less than you’ll feel if she walks into the office and neither of you has brought it up.

Then, when she starts, be your normal self around her. You can still enjoy a friendly rapport with her. And if you two do have a spark that’s meant to be — though I know you aren’t thinking of it that way — having more time with this woman will probably be a good thing.

If you have a question for Lindsey, let us know! Write to the editor at [email protected] with “Q for Lindsey” in the subject line! 

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