Lesbianing With AE: Will her chest dysphoria doom your relationship?

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Dear Lindsey,

My girlfriend has great tits, but she hates them. She wears multiple sports bras to smush them and dreams of getting a chest reduction surgery to make them small. She admitted she would honestly prefer not to have breasts at all! When I pressed she said she doesn’t feel like a guy, she just hates her breasts and would prefer a flat chest. I really like my girlfriend. We’re super compatible sexually and personality wise. But I would miss her amazing breasts, and I wish she let me play with them more often….literally, I have to beg. Does her chest dysphoria mean our relationship is doomed in the future?

– Worried

Dear Worried,

The only people who can tell you if your relationship is doomed are the two people in it.  Her chest dysphoria isn’t the thing that will doom your relationship. Your reaction will.

Think of it this way. Let’s say your girlfriend wanted to do something to you that you weren’t super sure of. Maybe she wanted to fist you. You were game to give it a go, but it was super uncomfortable to you and you really didn’t like it and the whole time you were thinking, I just want this to be over. You process after, and she thanks you for letting you try it and says she understands it’s not your thing.

Then you cuddle and you’re relieved….until the next time you’re having sex, and she asks to do it again. At this point, you would say no. Like hell no. Like I’m sorry but I indulged your fantasy once and it’s so not my thing and you cannot touch me that way.

And if she kept asking to try fisting again, or tried to tell you what you should do with your body so that fisting would feel more comfortable for you, so you two could fist with some regularity because she super loved fisting and it’s been a part of her other relationships, how would you feel?

You’d feel pretty pissed and disrespected. You’d be sick of having the conversation. You’d want your body and your limits respected.

Well, your girlfriend wants the same thing. She doesn’t love her breasts, she wishes they were smaller, and they make her physically and mentally uncomfortable. If she had the money, she would have breast reduction surgery — something half of women want.

If that day comes to pass, will her attitude change? Only she can tell you…and she might not be able to tell you now if she would be more open to breast play with smaller boobs.

There’s nothing wrong with your girlfriend for not being interested in breast play. Just as there’s nothing wrong with you for wanting that in a sexual relationship.

As you’re wondering, the real question is your compatibility. This is one of those cases where you’re going to have to give up something you really want for the greater good of the relationship.

If breast play is that important to you, then you would be better served with a girlfriend who adores being touched in that way. If you can enjoy all the other ways you and your current partner are sexually compatible and respect her boundary regarding her breasts, which is that most of the time they’re off limits but at her call, you can enjoy them, then, go ahead, continue your relationship. 

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