Lesbianing With AE: All Tied Up


Today on Lesbianaing With AE: Exploring Lesbian Bondage Ties and How to Tie Each Other Up Safely

My girlfriend and I are curious about bondage ties, and have tied each other up a few times in the past, and we both find it really sexy. We’ve worked with what we had – silk scarves and the like. We’d like to explore bondage more, but are a little nervous about going into a sex store, or buying heavy ropes or pleather gear. We think handcuffs are silly, not sexy. What should we get, and where can we go for advice on how to be safe?

-Newly Knotty


You don’t have to go into a sex store to shop for bondage ties or gear. Head to your nearest hardware store and look for nylon rope, which holds a knot well and feels soft against the skin. Something fibrous, like hemp or jute, can feel itchy so start with softer materials.

Silk rope works well for bondage ties, so if you like the feel of the silk but don’t want to damage your scarves, that’s a good option. Or you might try bondage tape, which lets you easily tie her up without tearing out her hair when it’s time to untangle.

No matter which type of rope you use, avoid tying it too tight. You should be able to get a couple of fingers underneath the rope at all times. Avoid placing rope anywhere it could affect breathing – like across the chest or throat, for instance.

Kink Academy has a list of classic bondage positions. These may give you inspiration beyond the basic “tie her to the bedpost.” Check these out together and talk about which positions excite you, which are a definite no, and which are a maybe.

Also, some folks like shibari, which is a Japanese style of rope bondage. This Sex Nerd Sandra episode covers shibari with an expert – give it a listen.

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For safety precautions, keep a pair of scissors in the nightstand. If the knot tightens and you can’t pick it undone, use the scissors to cut it off. Check in periodically, so if the rope’s uncomfortable or she wants to be untied, you’ll know. Always stay with her when she’s tied up, or vice versa.

As with anything sexy, communication and consent are key. While you’re learning about methods and materials, talk about what’s allowed, what’s not allowed, and what’s on the maybe list for now. If you get nervous talking about sex, a checklist is a good starting point, especially when bondage ties, or any type of bondage is involved. 

Don’t sink a lot of money into bondage gear when you’re just starting out. As your interests evolve you’ll have a better idea of what works and what doesn’t work for you two. For now, you might be able to get by with ropes you own or a simple bondage kit ordered online, and you can upgrade with bondage manuals or more expensive toys and props down the road.

Have fun, and stay safe!

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