Lesbianing with AE: Should you pose for sexy photos to please your wife?

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Dear Lindsey, 

My wife requested a birthday gift of boudoir photos of me, and I am not sure if I can go through with it. I feel uncomfortable about getting photographed in lingerie since I identify as gender nonconforming. I don’t really have the best body image, so I know I would feel self-conscious during the shoot. And I don’t really want to have my body displayed around the house as art. Is there a good reason I should get boudoir photos done when I can do such a great job of convincing myself not to?

-Shy

Dear Shy,

The best reason you should do this is BECAUSE you’re so shy and uncomfortable thinking about it.

I’m of the opinion that we should test our boundaries, to grow beyond our self-imposed limits. You don’t presently think of yourself as the subject of a boudoir photo shoot, but what could you stand to gain by flipping the script?

When done right boudoir photos can be a huge confidence boost. Your wife clearly thinks you’re the sexiest woman alive – and that’s why she wants photos. What if you could see yourself the way she does for a few minutes? If instead of focusing on some feature you don’t like, you could feel sexy and powerful in the body you have with the gender presentation you feel most confident in?

There are boudoir photographers out there who work with lesbians, and there are even boudoir photographers out there who are lesbians themselves. If you’re worried about flashing your panties for some straight guy, find a woman (if not a gay woman) to shoot the photos for you.

Most photographers have consultations of some form where you can talk with them about what you’re looking for and learn how they approach photo shoots. Many boudoir photographers love helping women figure out what to wear that will not only flatter their figures but show off their own style.

If your excuses are of the I’m too old/I’m too fat variety, then stop it right now. You will never be happy with your figure until you can love yourself where you’re at—and this really might be an opportunity that helps you feel that self-love everyone tells you is so transformative. Maybe you don’t have the best body, but you have a partner who LOVES AND ADORES YOUR BODY and wants to see it mostly naked and frozen in time the way it is now, and that’s something.

You will never be happy with your figure until you can love yourself where you’re at—and this really might be an opportunity that helps you feel that self love everyone tells you is so transformative.

There’s only so much of a pep talk I can give you. You’re gonna have to do the rest yourself, which means investigating your fears and talking to the pros who might be helping you out, here.

Talking with a potential photographer will help you get answers to some of your questions and break down the process. Image quality is key so only talk to photographers whose work you admire.

You can tell the photographer (and you should, because this will help you screen people) that this isn’t going to be a typical bra-and-panties-and-pearls shoot. That you’d rather be in leather pants or rocking a silk smoking jacket. Let them know you’re camera shy and ask about how they work with shy subjects.

You’ll know you’ve found the right person when you can open up to them how you feel most sexy, ask them for their thoughts on poses or props, and collaborate on something that becomes a gift to you as well as to your partner.

You’ll know you’ve found the right person when you can open up to them how you feel most sexy, ask them for their thoughts on poses or props, and collaborate on something that becomes a gift to you as well as to your partner.

On that last note, you don’t need to frame the photos and put them in your bedroom, although some do. You could create a sleek, discreet photo book for your wife, frame a photo for her to display somewhere private (like her closet or her bathroom), or frame the photo in a locket.

Give it some more thought, and do research on photographers available near you. If you still feel uncomfortable, you can decide not to proceed. Just don’t let the fear scare you out of what could be a great experience for you. Good luck!